Taking cover – Alia and Sidharth

vogue cover

What is up with Vogue? They put people in chaddis on their cover and label them as cute. That’s the wrong adjective, Vogue. Could you not think of anything else?

You know what, maybe Alia Bhatt and Sidharth Malhotra are cute on the inside (of the magazine. Not on the inside as people. Actually, maybe they are goofballs as people. I don’t know their lives). The video sure has them goofing around.

vogue cover2But the photos are anything but cute.

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Maharani Deepika hazir ho rahi hai

September is one of the most important months for fashion magazines because the fashion seasons change, the coolest shows (London, New York, Paris) happen in this month and designers also release their look books. This is, of course, in keeping with the international standards but if Vogue India does not insist on following international diktats, I don’t know who will.  So after, what I’m guessing, was a 2-minute discussion during a sutta break on who to pick as their September cover girl they chose…

Gasp! Deepika Padukone.

In Marchesa

In Marchesa

Deepika might be Bollywood’s reigning queen (a dark, dark day in our lives) but Vogue went really literal when they plonked a crown on her. I won’t be surprised if they sourced it from the queen of England herself. It’s Vogue, I won’t put it past them.

Aside: To get rid of dark circles, as one of the cover lines states, if Vogue is suggesting a good night’s sleep, I’d like to invite them post 10 pm to where I stay. Balam Pichkari has been blaring for the last 10 days. It’s a holi song, Ganpati does not really care about it.

Also if one of the ways to eat and cheat to losing weight is smaller portions, my question to Vogue is just how do you have only one strip of bacon? How!? You have to be dead inside to stop at just one.  Dead, I say. DEAD! Damnit! Now I want a double beef burger.

Of course I will be horribly shamed if neither of the two make the list.

In Dolce & Gabbana

In Dolce & Gabbana

This is another version of the same theory. The one about royalty not burgers. Only this one’s more medieval. I love the metallic bustier. It’s so badass, like a warrior princess on her day off.  And it’s got a peplum  that does not fall flat. It’s like her own personal merry-go-round. Her finger is reaching out to press the ‘on’ button even.

Bombay gets its first Fashion’s Night Out!

For those of you not in the know, Fashion’s NO (see what I did there) is what Anna Wintour came up with one Saturday afternoon while sipping on Bellinis and stroking a baby leopard… some exaggeration here, but more or less true. It’s a street shopping fest where luxury brands design limited edition items at throwaway prices so that laypeople like you and me can feel more fashionable, and what’s more, the proceeds go to a good cause. This year, it’s finally happening in Mumbai at the Palladium, because Borivali Sahakar Bhandar Hall was all booked, and it’s on Thursday, September 5th, from 6 p.m. to midnight! All proceeds from the Vogue stalls will go to Habitat for Humanity’s IndiaBUILDS initiative, so your gluttony and lust and “mera wala black!” screeches will mean a lot more than they usually do. I know, I know, so cool, no?

Here’s a taste of things you can expect:

1. Monisha Jaising and Sabyasachi will design t-shirts that Vogue will sell for Rs 500 wonly.

2. Pop up stores by Vogue + one exclusively dedicated to black clutches by renowned designers, because when can you have enough of those?

3. FREE DRINKS FOR WOMEN BY TGIF FROM 6 TO 9 PM WOWWOWOWOW.

Almost all major Palladium stores will participate in this, offering discounts, games and lucky draws. Chanel will give you a makeover (only if you’re Queenie Dhody) Vero Moda might give you free shopping worth 10K, FCUK will give you 2.5K vouchers for every 5K spent, and everyone will be peddling tons and tons of free champagne.

So, in a nutshell, you don’t want to miss this, even if it is just to see what the fuss is all about.

Vogue Saat Din

(Ayesha has already covered Kalki here. I’m just giving it more attention because LOOK.)

You know two people are meant to be together when one of them tries to bridge the age gap between them by dressing like a sepia Simi Garewal, and the other does so by turning a talcum powder container into a shirt.

Kalki in Shift by Nimish Shah. If only she had shifted a little more to the left and avoided being in the picture.

Presenting, Kalki Koechlin and Anurag Kashyap, frumping it up at Vogue’s 5th Anniversary Bash.

However, knowing Anurag Kashyap’s movies, they probably dressed up like each other’s beards to experiment with society’s reactions and bottle them for their next movie on the Roosevelts. Or, to keep it close to home, Aditya and Avanti Birla.

Being Vogue about it

Bollywood and a few others glammed up for Vogue India’s 5th Anniversary Bash. Can you believe that the magazine has been around for five years? The very same magazine that is so aspirational I can’t even afford to buy it. Considering it’s a Vogue party, where you know, ‘Before it’s in fashion it’s in Vogue’, the performances were so-so.

I don’t know if it’s the angle or the lace neckline but Dia Mirza looks really err… endowed and voluptuous. The dress is giving negligee vibes. What’s going on around her waist? And why is it all black? Ok, red lips would have been too predictable but this ain’t a funeral.

On the red carpet are Smiley and her sister, Underpaid Geisha. Actually, I like what Kajol has on. It’s very unlike her – the colour, cut and more so the fact that it’s not an anarkali or ill-fitting pants. I’m undecided on Tanisha’s gown, but the makeup makes her look like a geisha who has seen better days.

Kalki Koechlin looks like a happy Flapper from the 20s so let’s not kill her buzz. Maybe those chunky shoes and clutch are doing it already.

Somebody tell Prateik the Harley Davidson gang bang session changed its venue last minute. The good thing is he might have to lose his clothes for an entry there.

Not my favourite person, not my favourite look but Siddharth Mallya looks a lot like Hugh Hefner with his smoking slippers and belted jacket. I think I secretly dig this look but I will deny it in court.