Humpty and Dumb-ty

The title has nothing to do with the post. I just wanted to crack that joke about dumbness.

Alia Bhatt and Varun Dhawan braved a wet day to launch the unplugged version of Samjhawan, a song from Humpty Sharma ki Dulhania. Please take notice. This is how much Bollywood is paying attention to the details of marketing a film – they are promoting an unplugged version of a single song. Now, only if this detailing extended to the actual filmmaking process.

In a Veda Raheja crop top and Zara shorts

In a Veda Raheja crop top and Zara shorts

The good part about Alia’s style is that at most times she dresses her age. The hot pants (Argh! I hate that term.) and crop top combo works just fine. The hat is a bit too much for me but maybe, it gives the look that edge.

varun dhawan, alia bhatt

Now, Varun’s style comes across like he’s trying too hard. Don’t get me wrong. I love the leather jacket with the skinny tie. In fact, I love it so much that I’m going to recommend the look to all the guys I know. Starting with my retired father. But somehow, I feel like he’s forcing his whole style icon, hero status onto us. Back off a little, Varun.

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Back to school

Alia Bhatt and Varun Dhawan dropped by HR College, Town to promote Humpty Sharma ki Dulhania because when you are in college you are so obviously thinking about who your dulhania will be and how to score her. I bet that whoever bunked class that day is kicking their Facebook selves.

Since Alia never really got a chance to complete her college education, here she plays out an average day in an average college girl’s life.

Alia

Alia, wearing a leather skater skirt and a French Connection top with a very disturbing message, like all average college girls do, spots a hot boy in the corridor.

Varun, Alia

Her boyfriend, a stud from Lokhandwala, Suburbs, spots her nefarious activity and swears to jaan se maar that boy.

Varun, Alia1

Alia discovers she has a presentation due right now and refuses to go to class.

Varun, Alia3

Lokhandwala Boyfriend joins her in front of the class for moral support.

Varun

Then takes over with teacher of Bollywood Reviewology, Prof Rajeev Masand looking on.

Varun, Alia4

All ends well that ends… well, with a teacher-student photo op.

1-28

Varun: Dus Bahane Karke Le Gaye Dil… Le Gaye Dil…

Alia: Aye ji, ooohhh ji… Hang on. Dus Bahane? That was *not* in the brief.

Varun: Neither were matching clothes. But we showed them there!

Alia: But I look fantastic. I even have wine-coloured lipstick on… pretty sure there’s a meme somewhere in which I tell people that I believe wine-coloured lipstick is made of wine.

Varun: Well… do you?

Alia: Bitch please, I know it’s made of grapes.

Varun: Do you ever wonder if grapes are like, tree-balls?

Alia: WHAT?

Varun: Nothing. I like your boots. You look supercute.

Alia: Thanks! You do too! Despite that haircut. Like, why? Why did you cut it so short? Are you joining the Army? Are we at war? OMG is Game Of Thrones real? WHAT MAKES SCOOBY AND SHAGGY SO COOL?

 

I’m totally a little high from this lipstick.

 

 

 

Three’s a crowd

How long ago was it that Student of the Year released? Why are these three still a package?

Varun Dhawan, Alia Bhatt and Sidharth Malhotra at a Coke Studio event

Varun Dhawan, Alia Bhatt and Sidharth Malhotra at a Coke Studio event

I fail to see the logic behind torn jeans. People have to just stop wearing them. It’s rather simple, if you see a tear, darn it; if it’s torn a few inches make a washcloth of it or better yet DON’T BUY IT! Let’s not make it a trend, guys. Alia is wearing Sidharth’s shirt over her LBD which I think is a pretty cool way of ‘manning-up’ a girlie dress. Sidharth is doing just fine.

Happy birthday to Indian cinema

Cinema has done a Sachin Tendulkar and this year celebrates 100 years of being in the business of selling the most expensive tub of popcorn. Which of course means that Bollywood (since there is no other kind of cinema) is going all out.

At the Lakme Fashion Week, designer of chiffon saris and flashy lehengas, Manish Malhotra showcased a collection commemorating 100 years of cinema. Ergo ALL of Bollywood and their alter egos showed up.

Anuya and I too squeezed into the standing-room-only venue where I watched most of the show through a guy’s iPhone. But it was absolutely worth it. For all the ranting and whining we do around here it was nice to hear veterans and young guns talk about their passion for the movies.

Bombay Talkies directors

Karan Johar, Dibakar Banerjee, Zoya Akhtar and Anurag Kashyap give us the ‘direct’ stare

Manish divided the show into eras starting with black and white then moving on to the 60s and 70s and finally to the 90s and 2000s. Bombay Talkies directors Karan Johar, Anurag Kashyap, Dibakar Banerjee and Zoya Akhtar opened the show dressed in black and white. Anurag looked quite badass in his fitted bandhgala.

Manish Malhotra Bobby

Dimple Kapadia would have been proud

Then, just as the iPhone Guy’s hand began to tire, out came models in plunging polka dotted Bobby-esque tops and palazzo pants. With flowers tucked in their hair they wore clingy saris and large shades too.

Siddharth Malhotra

Siddharth Malhotra is also wondering what all the fuss is about

Manish did a great job of representing the 90s and the 200os in flowing kurtas and jackets. A squeal of a thousand women filled the claustrophobic venue as Varun Dhawan and Siddharth Malhotra strutted down the ramp in light jackets. A woman almost dug her talons into my shoulder in ecstasy.

Kajol and Karisma Kapoor

Kajol and Karisma Kapoor show how the pros do it

Though Kajol was not a part of the show, she walked the ramp for the shutterbugs at the end. In a simple sari with a peek-a-boo blouse, she nailed the look with her poise and elegance.

I, on the other, went into hyperventilation mode and even rode the elevator twice just to breathe the same air as Dibakar.

Panties of the year

With names like Sidharth Malhotra, Alia Bhatt and Varun Dhawan, the three are tailor-made for a KJo film. Sadly, their looks are not

Oh My God Alia Bhatt your granny panties are showing! Quick, one of the hunky men do something. Take off your shirts so she can use it as a skirt. Varun Dhawan, you even have an extra sweater on you. Someone DO SOMETHING and put the rest of us out of our misery.

I get it if you are wearing a particularly nice pair of chaddis or even a cute bra and want to spread the joy. But why must you, Alia, subject us to cycling shorts? Just wear them out in the open minus the leg purdah.

Oh and I don’t think this will be the film of the year. Any film that portrays students who actually give a rat’s ass about being the student of the year is way off the mark. Most of us just want lectures to end so we can go for a sutta break.