Big B’s birthday bash

After I crawled out from under the rock I was living… under, I realised that Amitabh Bachchan had turned the big 7-oh. And of course he threw a bash befitting his iconic status. Take that Karan Johar.

Let’s see what everyone pulled out of their closets.

Amitabh Bachchan donned a velvet bandhgala. Is it strange that he can carry velvet and not Shahrukh Khan? Jaya Bachchan rummaged through Aishwarya’s closet and picked the brightest maternity tent she could find. Shweta Nanda (with her husband and son) and Aishwarya colour coded and for once I don’t want to rip that anarkali off the Bachchan Bahu. And look, how sweet of them to let a waiter pose for their family photo.

Shahrukh Khan is still in velvet except he now looks like Hugh Hefner. Gauri Khan is showing me way too much of her artificially tanned skin than I am ok with.

With the John Abraham marriage rumours hounding her to an early death, Bipasha Basu decided to come dressed as a bride. Take that John’s girlfriend.

What! Sonakshi Sinha is related to Kajol and Ajay Devgn? Why else is she in their family photo in her richly coloured anarkali? How is Tanisha still part of Bollywood? I get that Kajol wanted to ditch the flowing anarkali but why wear her curtain instead? Ajay, your suit’s a little tight but that might be because you take method acting to another level and never relax your Son of Sardar stance.

Parineeti Chopra, why did your stylist not tell you that you are too young and pretty to be swathed in so much cloth and in such a dull colour?

This photo just makes me very sad.

This, on the other hand, makes me super happy. Genelia D’Souza and Riteish Deshmukh’s marriage has done wonders to their style. The gold dress stands out in a sea of floating anarkalis and Riteish is killing it in that tux.

Neetu Singh is the poster girl of ageing gracefully (Rekha, take notes). Her attire is bright and bold but she still carries it well. Rishi Kapoor looks like a chubby penguin. I mean that in the best possible way. I would never ridicule my future lover’s parents.

Rahul Khanna is alive! I’m so glad Vinod Khanna (with his wife Kavita) chose to bring this brother. Now we can all bask in Rahul’s sexy appearance because it’s so rare. Enjoy it while it lasts, people.

I’m sure Shamita Shetty’s dress looks great but I’m not a huge fan of her (who is?) so I don’t like the dress either. Yes, I am unbiased in life.  I get it that Shilpa (with husband Raj Kundra) has to cover her baby fat but don’t do it in a brightly coloured poncho.

I have no great fashion related observations to make here. I Just wanted to show you Anupam and Kirron Kher’s bodyguard who also doubles up as a wrestler who also moonlights as their son —Sikander Kher.

I don’t know why but I have this feeling that Ayesha Takia Azmi (with her husband Farhan Azmi) is going to break into the garba. Don’t ask me why.

Shit! That’s Mahima Choudhary. The Obla Dee, Obla Doo girl from Pardes! Obla Dee shit!

And finally, Preity Zinta in a salwar kameez I owned in the 90s and wore to the Diwali party at school.

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Being Vogue about it

Bollywood and a few others glammed up for Vogue India’s 5th Anniversary Bash. Can you believe that the magazine has been around for five years? The very same magazine that is so aspirational I can’t even afford to buy it. Considering it’s a Vogue party, where you know, ‘Before it’s in fashion it’s in Vogue’, the performances were so-so.

I don’t know if it’s the angle or the lace neckline but Dia Mirza looks really err… endowed and voluptuous. The dress is giving negligee vibes. What’s going on around her waist? And why is it all black? Ok, red lips would have been too predictable but this ain’t a funeral.

On the red carpet are Smiley and her sister, Underpaid Geisha. Actually, I like what Kajol has on. It’s very unlike her – the colour, cut and more so the fact that it’s not an anarkali or ill-fitting pants. I’m undecided on Tanisha’s gown, but the makeup makes her look like a geisha who has seen better days.

Kalki Koechlin looks like a happy Flapper from the 20s so let’s not kill her buzz. Maybe those chunky shoes and clutch are doing it already.

Somebody tell Prateik the Harley Davidson gang bang session changed its venue last minute. The good thing is he might have to lose his clothes for an entry there.

Not my favourite person, not my favourite look but Siddharth Mallya looks a lot like Hugh Hefner with his smoking slippers and belted jacket. I think I secretly dig this look but I will deny it in court.