Grazia Young Fashion Awards

The Grazia (A guy friend pronounced it as grey-zee-ya and that’s how I’ve saved his number.) Young Fashion Awards were held and the, seemingly, fashionable people of the industry were in attendance.

Sonam is all the coolest brands

Sonam in all the coolest brands

Sonam Kapoor, as always, wore all of Paris Fashion Week. That’s a Jean Paul Gaultier suit, a Chanel bag, a Givenchy necklace and Alexander McQueen shoes. Even if she wanted to go all androgyny on us she could have had her person take the jacket in an inch or two.

In Nikhil Thampi

Esha Gupta in Nikhil Thampi

I always wonder about innerwear whenever I see a dress with such a high slit. Going commando might be too risky so do they wear a thong with sides that go really high or is there a stick on silicone underwear that holds everything in place like bras do? So many questions such little importance. In all this, I almost missed the gorgeous zipper detailing on the thigh.

Wearing Namrata Joshipura

Wearing Namrata Joshipura

I know that as an, allegedly, self-actualised woman I am supposed to be comfortable in my own skin but Lisa Haydon’s sheer perfection is making that very difficult. She just makes the rest of us look like dog shit.

In a Vivienne Westwood dress

In a Vivienne Westwood dress

That’s a supremely cute dress. Richa Chadda does not do cute. She should give it a shot more often, though. Also, she could try an expression that’s not one of cold impatience.

In In Farah Sanjana

In Farah Sanjana

Priyanka Bose’s (Johnny Gaddaar, Guzaarish) maxi is so far whacked-out that I might just like it. Incidentally, my father came back with a similar image when he went to see the flamingos at Sewri.

Anushka Manchanda in Anand Bhushan

Anushka Manchanda in Anand Bhushan

It was awfully quiet this weekend near my house. Now I know why.  The guys in my wadi could not play their game of volleyball because they could not find their net.

In Pankaj and Nidhi

In Pankaj and Nidhi

The dress is perfect and age-appropriate and weather-appropriate on Shraddha Kapoor. It’s the styling that falters a little. A black clutch with nude shoes and nude-r lips? What happened to good old fuchsia?

A reminder in case we forget the real issues in life

A reminder in case we forget the real issues in life

Tisca Chopra’s hair is playing spoilsport so you can’t clearly read what’s written. It reads ‘#Selfie’ and it’s by the brand Huemn. So, get this – a design house designed a t-shirt with a print that reads #Selfie (which is what Anuya does all the time when she is not thinking about taking a selfie) and Tisca, who seems like an intelligent person, chose to wear it. Willingly.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gauri & Nainika and a Manish Arora statement neckpiece   

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gauri & Nainika and a Manish Arora statement neckpiece

Don’t be deceived, dear people. That is no gown. It’s a draped jumpsuit. If a jumpsuit is going to such lengths to camouflage its true identity, is it not better off as a gown?

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

The blouse would make Silk Smitha very proud and her pants are dying to be worn by Aladdin. But seriously, what is going on here? Are her pants trying to run away from the horror of the top starting with the crotch? Or her top is so grossed out by the pants that it has physically recoiled from the waistband? Only her shoes seem content in their oblivion.

Poorna Jagannathan in Gaurav Gupta

Poorna Jagannathan in Gaurav Gupta

Lamé in small doses is something I can handle but give it to me in an entire gown, draped over a few times and I’m going to want to put it through the shredder.

Sonal Chauhan in a Nikasha Lulla monstrosity

Sonal Chauhan in a Nishka Lulla monstrosity

Now this one just wants to make me jump with joy… off a cliff. Quick question. Nishka Lulla and Sonal Chauhan, should I hand you the gun or will you guys take care of this yourselves?

Bollywood's future

Bollywood’s future

When I saw this image I was like, “Wow! Someone is actually doing the whole princess thing in public and not just the demure Kate Middleton kind but the actual tiara and gown variety and that too in Bombay.” And then I looked closer and saw that these were the Femina Miss India winners and they HAVE to dress like this until they sign their first Bollywood film. So yeah, thanks for shattering my hopes, ladies.

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Blue is the warmest colour

Priyanka Chopra

Anuya and I watched Gunday (hey, all of us need a laugh once in a while) and we could not help but notice Priyanka Chopra’s weight loss. Our exact words were, “Dude! Her waist is tinier than Ranveer’s nipple.” We speculated that it could be in preparation for her role as Mary Kom but then we thought that if that were the case, should she not have put on muscle? This, all while, Ranveer and Arjun were beating the crap out of each other or something like that.

But I understand her choice. If I had a body like hers, I would not even bother with a figure hugging dress, I’d just leave the house wrapped in cling film. This, actually, might be one of her better looks. Not that she dresses like a homeless person otherwise. Far from it, in fact.

The McQueen fits her well and the colour is gorgeous. Her hair looks a little fried but is doing okay. It’s her cutesy shoes that don’t quite work. I get the need to balance out a sexy dress with girly heels but I’m not buying it.

Aankho dekhi

Kajol

Kajol is doing the right thing by applauding herself. She deserves it. The loose Zara shirt might seem dowdy but I think she wears it well. This look also makes it clear that Spring is here which most of us refer to as, ‘God, why is it so hot?’

She could have discarded the necklace (into my jholi, please) and worn earrings instead. But I do like the sparkly sandals. That’s my only note on them. That I like, like them.

Kajol eyebrows

I too want to walk around with never having to thread my eyebrows and pass it off as a feminist statement against the idea of beauty perpetrated by society. It’s just that I fear I’ll be a social reject.

Filmfare Awards

The Filmfare Awards took place for the 59th time – coincidentally, that’s Rekha’s current age and the age Shah Rukh Khan will never mature to in a Karan Johar film.

Gone with the wind in a in Gaurav Gupta

Gone with the wind in a Gaurav Gupta

A huge hurricane named Katrina blew Deepika Padukone’s dress away and as a result there are very few images of her right profile.

Aside: Why is her stylist referring to the Golden Globes look book and putting her in dresses that have got enough press and for all the wrong reasons? Lady Victoria Hervey, an Englishman’s answer to Queenie Dhody, wore the same dress to the Globes this year and not many thought she was victorious.

In Alexander McQueen

Priyanka Chopra in Alexander McQueen

This one is the rebellious cousin of Deepika’s church-going one (see link above). The pockets look like they are set afire by gold leaves and I would not be surprised if Deepika grabbed Priyanka and put her on her mantel mistaking her for the best actress trophy. Oh shit spoilers! Ah well, you’ll live.

That's a Louis Vuitton orgy happening on him

That’s a Louis Vuitton orgy happening on Ranveer Singh

I’m going to smoke up and watch the pattern come to life and try to strangle the teddy bear on his loafers. I suggest you do the same.

Kajol in a Nandita Mahtani gown

Kajol in a Nandita Mahtani gown

This is a great movie star shot. Unfortunately what she has on is not. I suspect she dropped her kids at the babysitter’s in her nightie and realised there was not enough time so she strapped on a belt and made it in time for this photo.

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

This one might as well be called Ruffle Lays.

Huma Qureshi in Gauri & Nainika

Huma Qureshi in Gauri & Nainika

And this one too. Ruffle Lays Magic Masala.

Preity Zinta in an extremely similar Gauri & Nainika too

Preity Zinta in an extremely similar Gauri & Nainika

Another movie star shot and another Ruffle Lays, this one Magic Masala with Tazos inside.

Dia Mirza in a very confusing Shantanu & Nikhil

Dia Mirza in a very confusing Shantanu & Nikhil

You can’t see from this angle but what she has on is a cropped top, leggings and a Lannister cloak worn as a nauvari sari.

Rekha doing her thang, y'all

Rekha doing her thang, y’all

That’s all the cloth of gold the Lannisters ever owned.

Neha Dhupia in a blouse by Payal Singhal and an Anju Modi skirt

Neha Dhupia in a blouse by Payal Singhal and an Anju Modi skirt

I’ll take it. And maybe lose the neckpieces and add earrings. But I’ll take it.

Karisma Kapoor in  Anamika Khanna

Karisma Kapoor in Anamika Khanna

The dress is the equivalent of a drunken Punjabi wedding where no one knows what the fuck is happening but everyone is in good spirits.

Kalki Koechlin in a lot of Sabyasachi

Kalki Koechlin in a lot of Sabyasachi

Yes, she is mourning the demise of her marriage. How did you guess?

A note to Sabyasachi and all those who wear him: Allow me to introduce you to the concept of a streamlined silhouette. This bada hai toh behtar hai philosophy does not work every time.

wearing a gorgeous Nikhil Thampi

Vaani Kapoor wearing a gorgeous Nikhil Thampi

I mean, if I had a body like that I too would wear as minimal clothes as possible. Let’s see what the valet guy is gawking at so intently.

Vaani Kapoor1

Work it, girl.

Richa Chadda in a Hervé Léger

Richa Chadda in a Hervé Léger

This dress is stupid. It’s drag-racing-drunk-without-a-seat-belt stupid. It’s a bandage dress with a whole carton of Ruffle Lays on it. The idea of a bandage dress is to show off the wearer’s figure so why would you cover it in cheap cake frosting? I blame the designer for this one. Her styling is not helping either.

Amrita Rao in a Payal Singhal sari

Amrita Rao in a Payal Singhal sari

Does she not remind you of a child actor from the ’50s who had an illustrious career playing a boy but when puberty hit no one knew what to do with her so now she is married to a producer 20 years her senior?

Nimrat Kaur wearing a Shehlaa sari

Nimrat Kaur wearing a Shehlaa sari

And that’s her pushy mother trying to relive her glamour days through her child. I mean this in the best possible way because she looks so old school Bollywood chic.

Emilio Pucci on Ileana D'cruz

Emilio Pucci on Ileana D’cruz (that reads weird)

Her extra long sleeves are spreading their lacy tentacles all across her body and soon she’ll star as Venom in a feminist remake of Spider-Man where the protagonist makes it her mission to rid the world of cobwebs.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gaurav Gupta

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gaurav Gupta

The shoes she can courier me the rest she can burn, starting with that appliqué patch on her head.

Prachi Desai in Swapnil Shinde (that reads weird)

Prachi Desai in Swapnil Shinde

Bani Dixit (bet you did not know that was her surname) sexing it up? Hmmm… What would Mr Walia say?

Sophie Choudry in BCBG which sounds like an acronym for a bunch of Hindi gaalis

Sophie Choudry in BCBG which sounds like an acronym for a bunch of Hindi gaalis

Sophie Choudry did her bit to revive the age-old art of letter writing by encasing her twins in envelop flaps.

Konkona Sen Sharma drowning in a Rohit Bal anarkali

Konkona Sen Sharma drowning in a Rohit Bal anarkali

The white and gold combination is what you would normally wear to a Malayalee wedding along with gold in your weight, of course. But even by those standards this is too much gold.

Kajal Aggarwal in Monisha Jaising bling

Kajal Aggarwal in Monisha Jaising bling

I don’t believe the dress was stitched onto her, neither is there a JFK in sight and it’s definitely not his birthday.

Tamannah in Gauri & Nainika

Tamannah in Gauri & Nainika

She knows the dress is great and hence the smirk. Can we all say drama together?

Bruna Abdullah

Bruna Abdullah

Bruna Abdullah (you know her from…Google it, ya) is already so tall that the border of this anarkali is making her look like she is standing on stilts. Like she was the carnival attraction at Filmfare.

Chunky Pandey killing it

Chunky Pandey killing it

Bangladesh’s superstar was especially flown in to host the Red Carpet. If you ask me, Bollywood’s loss is Bangllywood’s (that’s what their industry is called, right?) gain. And this is Bollywood’s way of inviting him back into their fold but it’s too little too late, guys. We have lost a national treasure, especially when he looks this dapper.

Hosts Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir Kapoor

Hosts Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir Kapoor

Maybe if this was the pairing of Love Story 2050, life would have been very different.

Star Guilt Awards

Same shit, another day, different outfits.

Huma Qureshi in a Gauri and Nainika gown

Huma Qureshi in a Gauri and Nainika gown

Where is the rest of her coven? Having the valet park their broomsticks?

Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor

Ranveer Singh in Gucci and Arjun Kapoor in cocked eyebrows

I suppose Ranveer Singh does clean up good. But since when has rubbing tambacoo become dapper?

In a lehenga by Shehlaa

In a lehenga by Shehlaa

This attire would make perfect sense if Deepika Padukone’s top-half was starring in a film about a naughty school girl and her bottom-half was playing the lead role of a gaon ki gori. And her midriff had its own porn series.

In Nachiket Barve

In Nachiket Barve

That’s Divya Khosla Kumar, the director of Yaariyan. Her stylist paid good money for Nirupa Roy and Noorie’s second hand sari. I guess, they thought it was vintage along with it being film memorabilia.

In Rachel Roy and Steve Madden peep toes

In a Rachel Roy jumpsuit and Steve Madden peep toes

Shit! If Sonakshi Sinha continues to dress like this, I will be out of a job and will have to retire to the hills where all I’ll do through the day is plot my revenge against her for making an honest woman out of me. She looks great. Ouch! I think I just burned my fingers typing that because what she actually looks great in is a jumpsuit. I’m going to give myself the pink slip now.

Sunny Leone rocking the hell out of this one

Sunny Leone rocking the hell out of this one

Sunny Leone in and as Anal: The Little Mermaid.

In Nikhil Thampi (he's been having a good awards season)

Vaani Kapoor in Nikhil Thampi (he’s been having a good awards season, no?)

That dress is the fashion equivalent of Inception. I have no clue what is going on but I like it and am going to stay till the end credits because…

Vaani Kapoor-back… this is what they look like.

Prabhu Deva

Prabhu Deva

I never pegged him to be much of a dresser but here he is. I’m loving the purple pocket square as much as his dance-y pose. Never change, Prabhu Deva. Never. Except when you decide to make certain ‘princely’ films.

In a Varun Bahl sari

In a Varun Bahl sari

Richa Chadda played it way too safe with this one. She should have let the peacock feathers extend into a full-blown fan behind her head. Don’t deny us some drama, lady.

Shah Rukh Khan

Shah Rukh Khan

How bad can it be? You are Shah Rukh Khan for crying out loud. Smile a little, will you? You are in well-fitted suit and sometimes that’s all a guy really needs.

Kareena Kapoor in Namrata Joshipura

Kareena Kapoor in Namrata Joshipura

I don’t hate it but I don’t want to get it drunk and make sweet, sweet love to it either. I’m sure Saif Ali Khan will share my sentiments.

In Donna Karan

In Donna Karan

If I saw this in the store I’d point out to the salesperson that there are way too many threads hanging and that the finishing is bad at which point he would tell me I did not get high fashion and would proceed to sell it to the next customer. Shraddha Kapoor. But she does look ok. Sort of.

Jacqueline Fernandez in Anand Kabra

Jacqueline Fernandez in Anand Kabra

I always wonder what or who stars are hiding when they come all covered-up to events.

PeeCee at the GGA

Looks like Priyanka Chopra is taking her Hollywood singing career seriously. She attended the 71st Annual Golden Globes or its after-party (nobody is telling me for sure. Come on, Internet) but I can’t seem to find out why. If you guys hear something, do let us know. I’m serious. I’m really disappointed with the Internet. It can give me 27 signs why you are pathetically undateable and be spot on but it cannot inform me, with certainty, about Priyanka’s whereabouts.

Jewellery by Genevieve Jones

Jewellery by Genevieve Jones

The Bibhu Mohapatra tea-length dress seems a little less formal for the event where gowns rule the roost. This is not to say that it’s out of place. Many have worn this length or even shorter at the Globes. It’s less formal than the Oscars so I guess it works. The sequins add a much needed sparkle to the grey palette but it’s the neckline that draws all the attention. The detailing at the bottom lends a quirky touch. My only issue is with the hair. An updo, one away from the neckline, would have worked better.

Sandals by Oscar Tiye and jewellery by Genevieve Jones

Shoes by Oscar Tiye and jewellery by Genevieve Jones

For the CAA Golden Globes party, which is a pre-Golden Globes party (how does Hollywood get any work done around this time?) she wore this Burberry number. It’s a gorgeous colour and makes me believe that everything is right with the world. The sandals, however, with their tribal-esque design, add spunk to the serene look. All this is topped off with a jacket, a funky hairdo that Jared Leto would be proud of and some jewels that could rid a small nation of debt.

So, score for Priyanka at the Globes, for whatever reason she is there.

Dedh chee ya

There was a small window – right around Jhalak Dikhhla Jaa 6 – when we all (namely, my amma and I) thought that Madhuri Dixit-Nene had finally found her fashion mojo. But alas, that was not to be and she soon had a downward spiral. I mean, she looks great in Dedh Ishqiya, yet I do understand the perils of dressing up like that for all events.

At a screening for Dedh Ishqiya

At a screening for Dedh Ishqiya

Yet, does Madhuri realise the perils of looking like this in public? I highly suspect that that’s a negligee she has stuffed down her pants and covered with a jacket. And what is with those brown ballet flats? How is it a sane idea to pair an orange top with muddy brown shoes? HOW?

Calendar, khana do

Photographer Dabboo Ratnani launched his celebrity calendar and everyone attended looking a little tanned from their exotic holidays and whiny because they are back at work and hungover because hello, holidays. And like the rest of us, they too have refused to acknowledge the fact that holiday season is over and we have to now pay obeisance to our bosses.

DR-Gauhar Khan

Post her Bigg Boss win, Gauhar Khan is so going to pull a Shilpa Shetty. She looks pretty as a peach in this floral ensemble, all innocent like she did not… I’m looking to make an informed Bigg Boss reference when she was catty but I’ve not watched the ‘reality series’ so I’m blank.

DR-Sonakshi Sinha

Well, well. If this is not a New Year miracle I don’t know what is. Sonakshi Sinha looks so put together and well…clean. The lines of the dress are smooth, it’s the right length and the keyhole neckline is more sweet than sultry. And all this is offset by vixen hair and shoes.

DR-SRK

What’s up with Shah Rukh Khan? He’s never been the grumpy sort but of late he looks like he’s been chewing on some bitter amla. He’s always scowling. That photo of his does not wow me but I’m quite surprised that, considering he’s holding a cigarette, it does not come with a cautionary photo of lungs filled with tar.

DR-Poonam Dhillon

Poonam Dhillon looks like the aunty jo police bola legi.

DR-Person

I have no clue who that is but she thought it ok to leave the house in a blue animal print romper. People, I tell you.

DR-Bipasha Basu

And that is how you dress after news of your one-true-love’s marriage hits the headlines. Show him what he’s missing, Bipasha.

DR-Amit Sadh

Either Amit Sadh is having a bad hair day or Bombay really is experiencing winter. Why else would you wear a beanie, right?

DR-aditi govitrikar

Even the lady in the background can smell something funny about Aditi Govitrikar’s pants.

DR-Aditya Thackeray

Eh?

DR-Gulshan Grover

This one is just way too awesome in its composition. Nobody, and I mean nobody, does badass as well as Gulshan Grover. Ok, maybe Amrish Puri. But no one ALIVE does badass as well as Gulshan Grover. ‘Kabeera speaking’.

Possibly my worst nightmare

Neha Dhupia, Esha Gupta, Chitrangda Singh

There is something extremely disturbing about grown women shaving themselves in public with all the world’s media capturing it. It’s the worst concept for a reality show. Which means it will have the highest TRPs. No, but seriously. What is HAPPENING here? I understand they are endorsing a razor and are only demonstrating its best features. So by that logic what can we expect when actors decide to endorse sanitary napkins or condoms?

In DRVV by Dhruv Kapur separates and a shirt from Express

In DRVV by Dhruv Kapur separates and a shirt from Express

Neha Dhupia’s kinky boss gave her the day off to attend the event. That is the only explanation for the fact that she’s dressed like the receptionist at a porn magazine.

In Manish Arora with Amrapali earrings

In Manish Arora with Amrapali earrings

Esha Gupta’s dress is cute barring the small issue of bells hanging from her tits and crotch. But her overall look with the orange shoes is nice.

Wearing Zara with Christian Louboutin heels

Wearing Zara with Christian Louboutin heels

The white of the sheath dress works great against Chitrangda Singh’s dusky skin. I’m glad she refuses to endorse fairness creams. Also, I might want to adopt those navy beaded Louboutins and raise them as my own.

Oh so blue

Anushka Sharma – where has she been of late? – popped up to promote a whitening-blemish reducing-fragrance laced-world saving-poverty curing product that she’s the brand ambassador of.

In Oh My Love. As in "Oh My Love! What is she wearing!?"

In Oh My Love. As in “Oh My Love! What is she wearing!?”

The colour is actually nice on her and she carries the thigh-high slit well. The fit of the top-half is a little sloppy. Come on Anushka’s stylist, give her some definition. The lack of accessories and poorly-styled hair are not helping either. The shoes too lack funk.

Anushka Sharma1

The event was actually to announce the winners of a contest titled ‘Flaunt Your Back’ and that Anushka did. But where is the shape in the bottom-half?

Anushka was quoted as saying, “The contest has been amazing. The fact that you are encouraging women to be themselves and be confident is something that I vouch for.” This from a woman who endorses whitening everything. Sorry, cell repair.

Anushka Sharma

“You! Yes, you. My stylist. Are fired.”