IIFA-Q chale Amerika

Celebrities gathered for an IIFA press meet. The IFFAs will take place in Madhuri Dixit’s hometown of America.

Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor

Kareena Kapoor Khan: Really, Saif? I can’t believe I let you out of the house looking so overwhelmingly under dressed.

Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor1

Saif Ali Khan: You’re the one to talk. You have skunk skin on for a kurta.

IIFAKareena: Come back, Saifu. I was just joking, bro. Don’t take it so personally.

Saif: Personally? I’ll show you personal.

IFFA2Saif: Muah!

Kareena: Oh! Two can play this game, you know?

IIFA1Kareena: Muah!

Saif: Damn! I should leave the house badly dressed more often.

Anil Kapoor, Madhuri DixitMadhuri Dixit: Ah, yeh aaj kal ke bache. I don’t know what Saif’s problem is. That’s a lovely kurta with cute buttons on the shoulder.

Anil Kapoor: Hmm…

Madhuri: Is it just me or do we actually look younger than them? I mean, I know we had much better chemistry in Parinda and Beta than they ever had in Kurbaan.

Anil: Jhakaas!

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Chill, Kangana

In Manish Arora

In Manish Arora

Kangana Ranaut got all dressed up to promote her film on the radio. There is a fundamental flaw here. It’s the radio. No one can really see you. If she gave the interview in a nightie with a contrasting petticoat peeking from underneath and a dupatta covering her modesty, we’d be none the wiser.

I’m deducting points for effort.

Back to the future’s present

I am a ’90s kid and unapologetically so. Which means I can dance my ass off to Choli Ke Peeche and took it as personal affront when Aamir Khan (initially) chose Tara over Juhi Chawla in Hum Hain Rahi Pyaar Ke. So, I’m obviously beyond ecstatic to see these two together in a film after like… never before. I’m sure this is what today’s kids would feel like after a few years when Deepika and Katrina do a film with Shah Rukh Khan in a double role as their husband and son.

Madhuri in Pankaj & Nidhi and Juhi wearing Anita Dongre

Madhuri in Pankaj & Nidhi and Juhi wearing Anita Dongre

They both look great and, might I say, are dressed age-appropriately. There is a certain freshness and simplicity to Madhuri’s salwar kameez while Juhi is in an anarkali that actually comes with a midriff high slit.

Promoting Gulaab Gang

Launching a song from Gulaab Gang

Here is another look.

Once again. All over again

I’m a little confused here.

Akshay Kumar, Sonakshi Sinha, Imran Khan

We were made to believe that Akshay Kumar, Sonakshi Sinha and Imran Khan were promoting Once a Upon a Time in Mumbaaaaai Again why then are the men striking the Singh is Kinnnng poseAside: Does misspelling your title earn an extra crore at the box office?

I think that actors dressing like the characters they play is a sign that Bollywood is truly coming of age. It’s a step Hollywood seldom takes. Did you see Robert Downey Jr. give interviews in the Ironman suit or a 10-foot blue Zoe Saldana at the Avatar screening or even Mike Myers in a green fat suit? No.

Akshay Kumar, Sonakshi Sinha, Imran Khan1

“Hey! There’s a box marked ‘Bad Fashion’. Let’s open it!”

But Bollywood actors are so dedicated that lines between real and reel are often blurred. Sonakshi, has on many occasions, worn snug, a decade-too-late salwar kameezes and you just know that most of Akshay’s suits have come from his own closet labelled ‘Yeh Dillagi’ and I’ll bet my bottom dollar that Imran thinks the heart-shaped buckle is a trend he must pioneer.

Bollywood, I salute you.

Happy birthday to Indian cinema

Cinema has done a Sachin Tendulkar and this year celebrates 100 years of being in the business of selling the most expensive tub of popcorn. Which of course means that Bollywood (since there is no other kind of cinema) is going all out.

At the Lakme Fashion Week, designer of chiffon saris and flashy lehengas, Manish Malhotra showcased a collection commemorating 100 years of cinema. Ergo ALL of Bollywood and their alter egos showed up.

Anuya and I too squeezed into the standing-room-only venue where I watched most of the show through a guy’s iPhone. But it was absolutely worth it. For all the ranting and whining we do around here it was nice to hear veterans and young guns talk about their passion for the movies.

Bombay Talkies directors

Karan Johar, Dibakar Banerjee, Zoya Akhtar and Anurag Kashyap give us the ‘direct’ stare

Manish divided the show into eras starting with black and white then moving on to the 60s and 70s and finally to the 90s and 2000s. Bombay Talkies directors Karan Johar, Anurag Kashyap, Dibakar Banerjee and Zoya Akhtar opened the show dressed in black and white. Anurag looked quite badass in his fitted bandhgala.

Manish Malhotra Bobby

Dimple Kapadia would have been proud

Then, just as the iPhone Guy’s hand began to tire, out came models in plunging polka dotted Bobby-esque tops and palazzo pants. With flowers tucked in their hair they wore clingy saris and large shades too.

Siddharth Malhotra

Siddharth Malhotra is also wondering what all the fuss is about

Manish did a great job of representing the 90s and the 200os in flowing kurtas and jackets. A squeal of a thousand women filled the claustrophobic venue as Varun Dhawan and Siddharth Malhotra strutted down the ramp in light jackets. A woman almost dug her talons into my shoulder in ecstasy.

Kajol and Karisma Kapoor

Kajol and Karisma Kapoor show how the pros do it

Though Kajol was not a part of the show, she walked the ramp for the shutterbugs at the end. In a simple sari with a peek-a-boo blouse, she nailed the look with her poise and elegance.

I, on the other, went into hyperventilation mode and even rode the elevator twice just to breathe the same air as Dibakar.

Maar dala

So Anuya and I watched Jab Tak Hai Jaan (JTHJ) as homage to one of Bollywood’s greatest filmmakers but mostly because we needed an excuse to escape two hours of Laxmi Pooja. But after we stumbled out of, what felt like a five hour long film, we’d sit through many poojas and smoky havans.

While JTHJ had the makings of an epic romance, we were left cringing and at other times rolling our eyes at the stupidity and leaps of logic the film was throwing at us. I’ll take Anushka Sharma in short-shorts and a tank top at an army base in Kashmir but I draw the line at passing off an otherwise 47-year-old Shah Rukh Khan as a fresh off the boat 25-year-old.

But, like always, nobody ever listens to us and all of Bollywood turned out for the film’s premiere. Fashion-wise they fared only marginally better than the film’s storyline.

SRK has and will always be a ladies’ man and who can stop him when he looks so dapper in a bow tie? (Aside: How hot does he look as a brooding army officer in the film!?) Anushka looks great and for her sake I hope that’s a dress and not a pair of pants with very, very flared bottoms. If I did not know better I’d think that was Katrina Kaif’s wax statue that stopped by on its way to Madame Tussauds. In fact I think it’s her statue. Notice how it’s emoting. I’m not sure if that’s a sari or some sort of skirt with a lace overlay. If it’s the former then it’s safe to say that we no longer wear petticoats under our saris, ladies.

Akshay Kumar is not wearing socks and Twinkle Khanna is wearing her mother’s hair. Moving on…

See, this is what marriage does to you – you start dressing like each other. Kiran Rao seems to have adopted Aamir Khan’s polished, streamlined style in this basic but elegant LBD. Aamir, though, is wearing Kiran’s jogging pants.

Bipasha Basu as Sonam Kapoor’s style inspiration? I did not see this one coming.

It’s like Parineeti Chopra’s dress is slowly eating its way up. I wonder what she looked like at the end of the premiere. Morticia Addams would have been proud. I do like her red clutch, though.

I think I can officially start a pregnancy rumour. Yes?

Amisha Patel, I get it that you have boobs, lustrous locks and no acting talent. Must you flaunt all three in my unimpressed face?

Big B’s birthday bash

After I crawled out from under the rock I was living… under, I realised that Amitabh Bachchan had turned the big 7-oh. And of course he threw a bash befitting his iconic status. Take that Karan Johar.

Let’s see what everyone pulled out of their closets.

Amitabh Bachchan donned a velvet bandhgala. Is it strange that he can carry velvet and not Shahrukh Khan? Jaya Bachchan rummaged through Aishwarya’s closet and picked the brightest maternity tent she could find. Shweta Nanda (with her husband and son) and Aishwarya colour coded and for once I don’t want to rip that anarkali off the Bachchan Bahu. And look, how sweet of them to let a waiter pose for their family photo.

Shahrukh Khan is still in velvet except he now looks like Hugh Hefner. Gauri Khan is showing me way too much of her artificially tanned skin than I am ok with.

With the John Abraham marriage rumours hounding her to an early death, Bipasha Basu decided to come dressed as a bride. Take that John’s girlfriend.

What! Sonakshi Sinha is related to Kajol and Ajay Devgn? Why else is she in their family photo in her richly coloured anarkali? How is Tanisha still part of Bollywood? I get that Kajol wanted to ditch the flowing anarkali but why wear her curtain instead? Ajay, your suit’s a little tight but that might be because you take method acting to another level and never relax your Son of Sardar stance.

Parineeti Chopra, why did your stylist not tell you that you are too young and pretty to be swathed in so much cloth and in such a dull colour?

This photo just makes me very sad.

This, on the other hand, makes me super happy. Genelia D’Souza and Riteish Deshmukh’s marriage has done wonders to their style. The gold dress stands out in a sea of floating anarkalis and Riteish is killing it in that tux.

Neetu Singh is the poster girl of ageing gracefully (Rekha, take notes). Her attire is bright and bold but she still carries it well. Rishi Kapoor looks like a chubby penguin. I mean that in the best possible way. I would never ridicule my future lover’s parents.

Rahul Khanna is alive! I’m so glad Vinod Khanna (with his wife Kavita) chose to bring this brother. Now we can all bask in Rahul’s sexy appearance because it’s so rare. Enjoy it while it lasts, people.

I’m sure Shamita Shetty’s dress looks great but I’m not a huge fan of her (who is?) so I don’t like the dress either. Yes, I am unbiased in life.  I get it that Shilpa (with husband Raj Kundra) has to cover her baby fat but don’t do it in a brightly coloured poncho.

I have no great fashion related observations to make here. I Just wanted to show you Anupam and Kirron Kher’s bodyguard who also doubles up as a wrestler who also moonlights as their son —Sikander Kher.

I don’t know why but I have this feeling that Ayesha Takia Azmi (with her husband Farhan Azmi) is going to break into the garba. Don’t ask me why.

Shit! That’s Mahima Choudhary. The Obla Dee, Obla Doo girl from Pardes! Obla Dee shit!

And finally, Preity Zinta in a salwar kameez I owned in the 90s and wore to the Diwali party at school.

No laughing matter

Ileana D’Cruz, Ranbir Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra promote that sweet treat of a film, Barfi

I know what’s happening here. I know what they are trying to do. They are trying to phase out Ileana D’Cruz. By ‘they’ I mean Ranbir Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra’s stylists. Why else would they have called each other the previous night and conspired to dress their clients in grey and decided that Priyanka will wear a figure-hugging dress while poor Ileana can try pulling off that worn-it-to-a-funeral-too-many-times white salwar kameez.

Ileana’s stylist, your naivety is no laughing matter.

Booked

So it would seem like ALL of Bollywood showed up to launch designers Abu Jani-Sandeep Khosla’s book. And like these things usually go there was a lot of bling, bandhgalas and Bachchans. Here’s how the evening looked from where we were sitting…

There’s a lot going on here in terms of the embroidery and colours which are always plenty in an Abu Jani-Sandeep Khosla creation. And is that Aishwarya Rai Bachchan in a FORM FITTING kameez? Finally someone talked her out of those anarkalis. Have they stopped taking Abhishek out in public because he’s been a bit of a disappointment?

Now that, right there is the definition of an actor – talented and uninhibited. Tabu rarely makes fashion news – good or bad – but this one time she’s got it right. The kameez is heavily embroidered so she smartly skips the jewellery. The wild curls just add to everything.

The beautiful, soft yellow on Deepika Padukone gets its wicked edge courtesy those sparkly shoes for which I am willing to sell my tainted soul. The loose bun with the flower popped in it gives her a desi good girl vibe but lord, those shoes are something else. Will God forgive me if I pray for these tonight and not my family’s happiness?

Simi Garewal got to the shindig straight from mass. She stopped getting it right a long time ago. And what exactly is she wearing?

In my last post about Sussanne Roshan I blabbered on about how she almost gets a look right but there’s always something amiss. Well, looks like I’ve been proven right. Yes, modesty is one of my virtues. I love her dress. It’s got the bling that, basically, was a prerequisite at the event but if Deepika got her shoes bang on, Sussanne’s not could have been further from the mark. Her stylist probably suggested this pair so that it would not draw attention from the dress. But they look sad and beaten like they just ran a marathon in the rain.

When Kangana Ranaut received the invite that, I’m guessing, said that attire was strictly Abu Jani-Sandeep Khosla, she flipped the bird and promptly ran to her three-room closet (a long standing fantasy of mine) and whipped out this highly inappropriate-for-the-event checked dress. Then to spite everyone she slipped on a pair of cat eye glasses. What got everyone’s goat was that while they had trouble during the bathroom break, Kangana just hopped on and hopped off like any other day.

Sister act

A while ago my favourite sitcom was The Khan Sisters. It was funny yet poignant and a great comment on the times we live in. Nigaar and Gauhar Khan played their parts of bickering sisters and fashionistas with such complexity and with so many layers, it left me baffled. In fact they were quite gutsy in doing the show since it takes a lot to impersonate the Kardashians.

Another stellar example of their aforementioned complexity is seen here.

Gauhar is dressed as an extra in an Asha Parekh song. The topknot is too high and too tight – metaphors for being drunk. Nigaar’s eyebrow is doing things that would put a gymnast to shame.

I don’t think they were performing at this wedding but were actual guests.