Fashion for food

Last night we were driving back from Juhu and got stuck in traffic. So we cursed all drivers in sight along with the dude who invented automobiles. When we crawled a little further we saw people staring ahead intently so we cursed the idiot who had gotten into an accident. But we looked closely and realised that it was actually a restaurant opening and a few celebrities were in attendance. So, of course we cursed Bollywood. Then we read the name of the place – 69- and all was forgiven. At least we got a good laugh out of the ordeal.

Shah Rukh Khan

Should we put Shah Rukh Khan’s blonde streak down to holiday madness, mid-life crisis or a latest role? I think that’s for Happy New Year.

Prateik

The 90s called, they want you to stop trying to bring them back, Prateik.

Kashmira ShahNo, Kashmira Shah, no one loves you. For obvious reasons.

Esha DeolI too would want to rip my arm out if I ever wore pants like that.

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Horseshitting around

Amyra Dastur and Prateik

This is ludicrous. Amyra Dastur and Prateik promoted their film Issaq while seated in a ghoda gadi. Issaq is an adaptation of Romeo and Juliet set in Banaras which is now officially Bollywood’s Switzerland. It’s about time we woke up to beauty of our own country but it’s also about time we stop claiming that a film has been inspired by Shakespeare’s epic love story because, hello, that’s like every other Hindi movie.

So I watched the trailer (that’s 2.23 minutes of my life I’ll never get back) and nowhere does it mention Prateik or Amyra’s characters being in the horse trade. They are not horse breeders, jockeys or even gambling aficionados. Then what are they doing promoting their film in a tanga? The horse is so over this shit. He’s put on blinders because he can’t bear to watch such crap.

Also animal cruelty.

Amyra Dastur and Prateik1

This Amrya girl actually looks quite nice in the film and here too, keeping her non-horse trade related small town girl character in mind, she’s worn a basic kurta. I don’t mind it, it’s whatever. Maybe she bought it with her discount card at the supermarket. Prateik, paying homage to his roadside Romeo character, is in a banyan and shirt. Prateik, shirts have buttons for a reason. Put them to good use, will you? With the branded umbrella they look like any other couple sneaking in a smooch at Bandstand. To which I ask where are the moral police when you need them?

Being Vogue about it

Bollywood and a few others glammed up for Vogue India’s 5th Anniversary Bash. Can you believe that the magazine has been around for five years? The very same magazine that is so aspirational I can’t even afford to buy it. Considering it’s a Vogue party, where you know, ‘Before it’s in fashion it’s in Vogue’, the performances were so-so.

I don’t know if it’s the angle or the lace neckline but Dia Mirza looks really err… endowed and voluptuous. The dress is giving negligee vibes. What’s going on around her waist? And why is it all black? Ok, red lips would have been too predictable but this ain’t a funeral.

On the red carpet are Smiley and her sister, Underpaid Geisha. Actually, I like what Kajol has on. It’s very unlike her – the colour, cut and more so the fact that it’s not an anarkali or ill-fitting pants. I’m undecided on Tanisha’s gown, but the makeup makes her look like a geisha who has seen better days.

Kalki Koechlin looks like a happy Flapper from the 20s so let’s not kill her buzz. Maybe those chunky shoes and clutch are doing it already.

Somebody tell Prateik the Harley Davidson gang bang session changed its venue last minute. The good thing is he might have to lose his clothes for an entry there.

Not my favourite person, not my favourite look but Siddharth Mallya looks a lot like Hugh Hefner with his smoking slippers and belted jacket. I think I secretly dig this look but I will deny it in court.

The Dark Lord… sorta

Prateik has hugely disappointed me. Given his pedigree I thought he would be the shining beacon of Bollywood ushering us into the new era of great acting. But he did not. To make matters worse he dresses like Darth Vader ‘s younger cousin. On a flight. And they let him board the aircraft. They let a potential maniac board an aircraft. Now I’m disappointed with the airport authorities.