Vinegar Vignettes – Vidya Boss and Sonam Secretary

Insist all you want but celebrities are nothing like us. They don’t get squashed in trains, survive on bread and milk powder at the end of the month and mostly certainly don’t owe their mothers an explanation as to why they are not married as yet. But what if they were just like you and I – going to work, dealing with crappy boyfriends and fishing for chutta to give the bus conductor?

In our fantasy series – Vinegar Vignettes – we play out everyday scenarios involving the infamous names of Bollywood. Of course they are much better dressed than their stylists could ever fathom. The good people at Vinegar let us raid their store for the best picks.

It begins with…

Vidya Boss

Vidya Boss. She received daddy’s wafer business in virasat. In the last 10 years her only contribution has been sambar flavoured chips. On the boss scale she’d like to believe she’s a Miranda Priestly but everyone knows she’s actually closer to a Michael Scott.

Sonam Secretary

Sonam Secretary comes from a family of five siblings and despite a bad education has managed to learn computers. She can type on Word. With a resume packed with organising college festivals and nine days of dandiya she arrives for an interview for the position of secretary to Vidya Boss.

Sonam Secretary (SS): Knock knock.

Vidya Boss (VB): Who’s there?

SS: Me.

VB: Me who?

SS: Me aat yehu?

VB: Enter!

SS: Thenks.

VB: Have a seat.

SS: No thenks. I ate.

Neon front

VB: Nice top.

SS: Thenks.

VB: Full sleeves. Modest.

SS: Yes.

VB: Neon highlights. Not your usual style?

SS: No. Myself always in salwar kameez.

VB: So you dressed up?

SS: Little bit.

VB: What have you paired it with?

SS: Skinny jeans.

VB: I miss them.

Dress

SS: By the ways nice dress, ma’am. Great pattern. Good you are wearing jacket. Covers your… shoulders.

VB: But you can still see the great cut out neckline. The back’s great too.

SS: But mine’s is better. Look.

Neon back

VB: Holy sambar chips! You are fired.

PS: Watch this space for more. We might have a little something for you. Don’t blink. Keep watching. That’s right. WATCH. 

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It’s all about loving the Birthday Boy

Karan Johar (actually it was Aarti Shetty, filmmaker Manmohan Shetty’s daughter) held Bollywood’s annual peace conference also known as his birthday bash. You know that everyone showed up but sadly all the images are of them in their cars trying to block out the paparazzi. Now, I could comment on their Audis, Mercs and BMWs but I don’t think that would do justice to those who come here for fashion. So this is the best I could conjure.

Note to self: At Anuya’s birthday next month take photos of friends alighting from rickshaws, buses and their 12cc Scooty Peps.

Karan JoharHere’s the birthday boy looking spiffy in a leather jacket – in the summer heat – stifling a fart.

Manish Malhotra, Kajol, Karisma Kapur, Karan Johar

Manish Malhotra tweeted this photo of himself, Kajol, Karisma Kapoor and Karan. Karisma’s totally pulling off the disco ball outfit. But is that an aquarium Kajol has on for a jacket? The fish are actually swimming towards her neck like they’d like to give her face a pedicure.

Parineeti Chopra

Parineeti Chopra not only chose to wear a bandage dress, a trend that’s long wrapped up, but also chose one that has horizontal stripes adorning the widest part of anyone’s anatomy.

Sussanne Roshan

Sussanne Roshan in an LBD. Whatever. Sussanne Roshan carrying a pillow for the sleepover? Now we are talking.

Saqib Saleem and Huma Qureshi

Huma Qureshi brought brother Saqib Saleem to commemorate the momentous occasion of her not looking frumpy. While the neon skirt is cool she could have paired it with another top and a whole other pair of shoes.

UPDATE: Huma’s actually wearing a dress and not a skirt with a top. I stand corrected. However, I still don’t like the top half of it.

Ranveer Singh

Ranveer ‘I don’t care enough’ Singh high-fiving the press.

Karan Johan, Aamir Khan

It’s heartening to see that celebrities also dress like us the morning after in shorts and chappals.