Screen Awards red carpet

The Screen Awards took place and we all held our breath just waiting to know who went home with the coveted trophy. But when it comes to the telecast, we don’t have a seven second delay but more like a seven week delay. So you will have to wait a little longer to know the winners. Or you could just Google it. Whatever.

Abhay Deol and Preeti Desai

Abhay Deol and Preeti Desai in a Bare in Black gown

This couples’ tanning thing really works. A little too well.

Adhuna and Farhan Akhtar

Adhuna and Farhan Akhtar

I love Adhuna’s quirky sense of style. It’s like her way of rebelling against the ‘star-wife’ label. More power to you, girl. And that is how you wear a velvet waistcoat with Jodhpur-ish pants.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Harsh Harsh

Aditi Rao Hydari in Harsh Harsh

This needs something more happening. It all seems very flat and sort of like a snorefest.

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

Dude, is that a full and final velvet gown!? Talk about subtle use of fabric.

Bipasha Basu in Manish Malhotra

Bipasha Basu in Manish Malhotra

And that is how you wear velvet and an anarkali. In small doses and with less ghera, respectively. She really is looking good, no? Maybe marriage is the answer.

Boman Irani

Boman Irani

Yes, I will shake your hand but only because you are awesome.

Chitrangda Singh in Dior

Chitrangda Singh in Dior

If her last look was all about drama this is a little anticlimatic. Maybe another colour or a more glamorous hairstyle would have worked. But don’t worry, Chitrangda, the world (my amma and I) still loves you.

Deepika Padukone in Alexander McQueen

Deepika Padukone in Alexander McQueen

I suspect this one has gone a little wrong. I can’t point out why exactly. But feel is not coming. Like kuch kuch nahi hota hai when I see this gown. Could it be because Kate Hudson wore it to the Golden Globes LAST YEAR?

Divya Dutta

Divya Dutta

Take a beach holiday, woman and go drown that attire while you are at it.

Yo Yo Honey Singh

Yo Yo Honey Singh

He is making some very rude gestures but given the nature of his lyrics I should not be surprised.

Huma Qureshi

Huma Qureshi in Nikhil Thampi

Yes, the sun really does shine out of Huma Qureshi’s ear. Even Kalki Koechlin seems to think so…

Kalki in Nikhil Thampi

Kalki in Nikhil Thampi too

We get it. Huma is not responsible for Kalki’s divorce. You guys are the best of friends and you, Kalki, even helped Huma into that earpiece type-thingy. That ornament has a legitimate name but I’ve forgotten it. And I refuse to Google it since the Internet and I are currently in a complicated relationship.

This is one of Huma’s better looks. The dress fits her curves well and for once her hair is doing good things. But I’m thinking I should just give up on cribbing whenever people bastardise the sari. I can see Kalki’s leg. Should she not be wearing a petticoat underneath? My grandmother would not approve.

Juhi Chawla

Juhi Chawla

Why is she still promoting Son of Sardar?

In Shantanu & Nikhil

In Shantanu & Nikhil

No, no, no. Kajol, don’t fall back into your old trap. You were doing so well. This look seems so closed-up and nun-like. Unless… she is trying to cover a big old hickey. That’s one expensive way of doing it, if you ask me. Just paste on a bandage next time.

In Ranna Gill

In Ranna Gill

Look who’s back! And I have nothing unpleasant to say about Neha Dhupia. Except maybe… actually, no. But, I do want to wake up next to that cuff every morning and bring it breakfast in bed.

Nimrat Kaur

Nimrat Kaur

I’m loving the hint of boobies, sorry décolletage and the hair pulled away to show them off. Yet, I’m unsure of the puffed sleeves.

Ranveer Singh

Ranveer Singh

The velvet jacket with the waistcoat seems a bit much. Like it was initially a three-piece tux, but since he is Ranveer Singh and eccentric and all that, his stylist chose the blue jacket.

Wearing Innana by Monica & Karishma

Wearing Monica & Karishma

Do you think it’s just that some people can’t pull-off gowns as well as others can? There really is nothing horrifyingly wrong with the look, apart from the fact that the pattern overwhelms and the stylist should have put her hair up. As in Richa Chadda’s.

Sona Mohapatra

Sona Mohapatra

This is how Anarkali (the person, not the trend) must have looked and felt like when the last brick was laid.

In an Amit GT gown

In an Amit GT gown

I don’t know what Sonakshi Sinha or her stylist have been smoking but pat yourselves on the back and roll another one.

In Gaurav Gupta

In Gaurav Gupta

This dress on Shruti Hassan reminds me of a cold night at the graveyard. Let me hasten to assure you that Shruti does not look like the undead, far from it, but something about the blue and black and net gives me an eerie feeling.

In Amritraj Bora

In Amritraj Bora showing way too much of her Boras

As does this one on Sonal Chauhan. Somewhere a koli has lost the day’s catch.

In a Manish Malhotra sari

In a Manish Malhotra sari

Who sends her invites and why? At least Sophie Chaudhary has the decency to dress well.

PS: Raise your hand if you are missing Sonam Kapoor.

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Dedh Ishqiya screening

Dedh Ishqiya premiered and the cast and a few others stopped by for some free popcorn and Coke.

In Manish Malhotra

In Manish Malhotra

Come on, man. Salim got over Anarkali faster than Bollywood who is refusing to let go of the trend. It was fine when it was a nascent fad. But the over embellishment and the reams of cloth and the lack of any visible churidar is really annoying.

Another Manish Malhotra

Another Manish Malhotra

See, then young actors who don’t know better think that they too should carry on this style. No. Just no.

Kalki Koechlin

Kalki Koechlin’s quirky blouse print cannot distract me from the fact that her sari drape is a lot like the saris of those tense women waiting to board the 7.14 Virar fast. Also Poster Huma is fully eyeballing Real-life Kalki.

 

Maria in Payal Singhal

Maria in Payal Singhal

Maria Goretti’s blouse has a tail! I know in the past I have loved a sari with a tailcoat blouse but I’m not feeling this one as much. The pallu and the tail are actually fighting for space as is her cuff and bangle stack. Arshad Warsi is cool and should stay this way. Maybe wear a suit that’s not so bulky next time.

Fire Your Fashion Week – Day 1

We love Fashion Week at Fire Your Stylist. It’s always fun to check out clothing that ranges from you can’t afford this to you can only wear this on a tranny cruise in outer space on models you will never look like with bodies that make you weep in a corner while snorting maida.

So you know, Fashion Week, yay!

Anyhoo, for the sake of Mr. Fuck, we will be reviewing each outfit on two parameters:

Wearability – Ranked on a scale of MY EYES to 5

Aestheticism – Ranked on a scale of 1 to Won’t touch it with a bean pole, but won’t it look great in a glass case at Hard Rock?

Opening the Winter Festive 2013 on Thursday night was Bollywood’s darling, Manish Malhotra. Let’s dig into a few of the many outfits he had to offer, shall we?

Manish Malhotra at LFW WF 203_1

Malhotra’s collection was gorgeous in its simplicity, where he let his fabric choice and silhouettes speak for themselves. This dress is a prime example. The olive green is lovely against the model’s dusky skin, and the neckline offsets its otherwise demureness.

Wearability: 4, because I KNOW my mom would scoff at that neckline.

Aestheticism: 2, because not enough kook in it for it to become art.

Will look great on: Karisma Kapoor

Manish Malhotra at LFW WF 203_2

Gorgeous. Love the layers, love the dash of pink standing out among the browns. Hate the collar, but that’s a small complaint.

Wearability: 5… my cousin’s wedding is coming up. Would you like to gift it to me, Manish?

Aestheticism: 1. Too simple to be displayed, but still beautiful.

Will look great on: Deepika Padukone

Manish Malhotra at LFW WF 203_3

Ehhhh. What this is. A kurta on a pants, with a bared belly button. Now I know that cropped tops were in for a while, but cropped kameezes? Bit much, no? Unless he was designing this as an outfit for an Indian female superhero, which makes it a good fist draft.

Wearability: 2. Indian outfits show a lot of skin, yes, but this is a bit weird.

Aestheticism: 3. Can totally see Kangana Ranaut donning this to promote Krrishshshsh 3.

Will look great on: Kangana Ranaut

It’s all about loving the Birthday Boy

Karan Johar (actually it was Aarti Shetty, filmmaker Manmohan Shetty’s daughter) held Bollywood’s annual peace conference also known as his birthday bash. You know that everyone showed up but sadly all the images are of them in their cars trying to block out the paparazzi. Now, I could comment on their Audis, Mercs and BMWs but I don’t think that would do justice to those who come here for fashion. So this is the best I could conjure.

Note to self: At Anuya’s birthday next month take photos of friends alighting from rickshaws, buses and their 12cc Scooty Peps.

Karan JoharHere’s the birthday boy looking spiffy in a leather jacket – in the summer heat – stifling a fart.

Manish Malhotra, Kajol, Karisma Kapur, Karan Johar

Manish Malhotra tweeted this photo of himself, Kajol, Karisma Kapoor and Karan. Karisma’s totally pulling off the disco ball outfit. But is that an aquarium Kajol has on for a jacket? The fish are actually swimming towards her neck like they’d like to give her face a pedicure.

Parineeti Chopra

Parineeti Chopra not only chose to wear a bandage dress, a trend that’s long wrapped up, but also chose one that has horizontal stripes adorning the widest part of anyone’s anatomy.

Sussanne Roshan

Sussanne Roshan in an LBD. Whatever. Sussanne Roshan carrying a pillow for the sleepover? Now we are talking.

Saqib Saleem and Huma Qureshi

Huma Qureshi brought brother Saqib Saleem to commemorate the momentous occasion of her not looking frumpy. While the neon skirt is cool she could have paired it with another top and a whole other pair of shoes.

UPDATE: Huma’s actually wearing a dress and not a skirt with a top. I stand corrected. However, I still don’t like the top half of it.

Ranveer Singh

Ranveer ‘I don’t care enough’ Singh high-fiving the press.

Karan Johan, Aamir Khan

It’s heartening to see that celebrities also dress like us the morning after in shorts and chappals.

Cannes ki Kahaani – Teesra Bhagh

It’s great to see Indian cinema, especially Bollywood, being celebrated on an international platform as prestigious as the Cannes Film Festival. Shortcut Romeo starring Ameesha Patel and Puja Gupta as well as three-named Neil Nitin Mukesh was brought to the festival. Of course, this image is taken at the screening of another film because I suspect Shortcut Romeo was screened in a dark alley above a tattoo shop.

Ameesha Patel and Puja Gupta

I don’t have anything to say about Puja Gupta because I don’t know much about her or even who she really is except that the look could have done with some colour. The good part, however, is that it’s a shade brighter than Ameesha’s face. Is Ameesha the missing branch of the Cullen Clan’s bat-infested family tree? A long-lost sister of matriarch Esme?

Ameesha Patel

This one’s slightly better. She’s a human hue and the Manish Malhotra ensemble is not making me want to eat glass. Which is always a good sign.

Sherlyn Chopra1

Sherlyn Chopra is walking the red carpet for yet another event at the festival. I’m getting slutty-dulhan vibes. It’s quite smart actually. She’s swathed in a flowy white ghagra that covers a lot of ground (like the other famous ghagra that’s been to Baghdad se leke Delhi via Agra). She’s got full sleeves and even a dupatta on her… somewhere. However, on display is an entire row of mid-riff and generous cleavage. I forget the point I was trying to make but yeah, that’s Savita Bhabhi on her wedding night.

Happy birthday to Indian cinema

Cinema has done a Sachin Tendulkar and this year celebrates 100 years of being in the business of selling the most expensive tub of popcorn. Which of course means that Bollywood (since there is no other kind of cinema) is going all out.

At the Lakme Fashion Week, designer of chiffon saris and flashy lehengas, Manish Malhotra showcased a collection commemorating 100 years of cinema. Ergo ALL of Bollywood and their alter egos showed up.

Anuya and I too squeezed into the standing-room-only venue where I watched most of the show through a guy’s iPhone. But it was absolutely worth it. For all the ranting and whining we do around here it was nice to hear veterans and young guns talk about their passion for the movies.

Bombay Talkies directors

Karan Johar, Dibakar Banerjee, Zoya Akhtar and Anurag Kashyap give us the ‘direct’ stare

Manish divided the show into eras starting with black and white then moving on to the 60s and 70s and finally to the 90s and 2000s. Bombay Talkies directors Karan Johar, Anurag Kashyap, Dibakar Banerjee and Zoya Akhtar opened the show dressed in black and white. Anurag looked quite badass in his fitted bandhgala.

Manish Malhotra Bobby

Dimple Kapadia would have been proud

Then, just as the iPhone Guy’s hand began to tire, out came models in plunging polka dotted Bobby-esque tops and palazzo pants. With flowers tucked in their hair they wore clingy saris and large shades too.

Siddharth Malhotra

Siddharth Malhotra is also wondering what all the fuss is about

Manish did a great job of representing the 90s and the 200os in flowing kurtas and jackets. A squeal of a thousand women filled the claustrophobic venue as Varun Dhawan and Siddharth Malhotra strutted down the ramp in light jackets. A woman almost dug her talons into my shoulder in ecstasy.

Kajol and Karisma Kapoor

Kajol and Karisma Kapoor show how the pros do it

Though Kajol was not a part of the show, she walked the ramp for the shutterbugs at the end. In a simple sari with a peek-a-boo blouse, she nailed the look with her poise and elegance.

I, on the other, went into hyperventilation mode and even rode the elevator twice just to breathe the same air as Dibakar.