Aankho dekhi

Kajol

Kajol is doing the right thing by applauding herself. She deserves it. The loose Zara shirt might seem dowdy but I think she wears it well. This look also makes it clear that Spring is here which most of us refer to as, ‘God, why is it so hot?’

She could have discarded the necklace (into my jholi, please) and worn earrings instead. But I do like the sparkly sandals. That’s my only note on them. That I like, like them.

Kajol eyebrows

I too want to walk around with never having to thread my eyebrows and pass it off as a feminist statement against the idea of beauty perpetrated by society. It’s just that I fear I’ll be a social reject.

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Filmfare Awards

The Filmfare Awards took place for the 59th time – coincidentally, that’s Rekha’s current age and the age Shah Rukh Khan will never mature to in a Karan Johar film.

Gone with the wind in a in Gaurav Gupta

Gone with the wind in a Gaurav Gupta

A huge hurricane named Katrina blew Deepika Padukone’s dress away and as a result there are very few images of her right profile.

Aside: Why is her stylist referring to the Golden Globes look book and putting her in dresses that have got enough press and for all the wrong reasons? Lady Victoria Hervey, an Englishman’s answer to Queenie Dhody, wore the same dress to the Globes this year and not many thought she was victorious.

In Alexander McQueen

Priyanka Chopra in Alexander McQueen

This one is the rebellious cousin of Deepika’s church-going one (see link above). The pockets look like they are set afire by gold leaves and I would not be surprised if Deepika grabbed Priyanka and put her on her mantel mistaking her for the best actress trophy. Oh shit spoilers! Ah well, you’ll live.

That's a Louis Vuitton orgy happening on him

That’s a Louis Vuitton orgy happening on Ranveer Singh

I’m going to smoke up and watch the pattern come to life and try to strangle the teddy bear on his loafers. I suggest you do the same.

Kajol in a Nandita Mahtani gown

Kajol in a Nandita Mahtani gown

This is a great movie star shot. Unfortunately what she has on is not. I suspect she dropped her kids at the babysitter’s in her nightie and realised there was not enough time so she strapped on a belt and made it in time for this photo.

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

This one might as well be called Ruffle Lays.

Huma Qureshi in Gauri & Nainika

Huma Qureshi in Gauri & Nainika

And this one too. Ruffle Lays Magic Masala.

Preity Zinta in an extremely similar Gauri & Nainika too

Preity Zinta in an extremely similar Gauri & Nainika

Another movie star shot and another Ruffle Lays, this one Magic Masala with Tazos inside.

Dia Mirza in a very confusing Shantanu & Nikhil

Dia Mirza in a very confusing Shantanu & Nikhil

You can’t see from this angle but what she has on is a cropped top, leggings and a Lannister cloak worn as a nauvari sari.

Rekha doing her thang, y'all

Rekha doing her thang, y’all

That’s all the cloth of gold the Lannisters ever owned.

Neha Dhupia in a blouse by Payal Singhal and an Anju Modi skirt

Neha Dhupia in a blouse by Payal Singhal and an Anju Modi skirt

I’ll take it. And maybe lose the neckpieces and add earrings. But I’ll take it.

Karisma Kapoor in  Anamika Khanna

Karisma Kapoor in Anamika Khanna

The dress is the equivalent of a drunken Punjabi wedding where no one knows what the fuck is happening but everyone is in good spirits.

Kalki Koechlin in a lot of Sabyasachi

Kalki Koechlin in a lot of Sabyasachi

Yes, she is mourning the demise of her marriage. How did you guess?

A note to Sabyasachi and all those who wear him: Allow me to introduce you to the concept of a streamlined silhouette. This bada hai toh behtar hai philosophy does not work every time.

wearing a gorgeous Nikhil Thampi

Vaani Kapoor wearing a gorgeous Nikhil Thampi

I mean, if I had a body like that I too would wear as minimal clothes as possible. Let’s see what the valet guy is gawking at so intently.

Vaani Kapoor1

Work it, girl.

Richa Chadda in a Hervé Léger

Richa Chadda in a Hervé Léger

This dress is stupid. It’s drag-racing-drunk-without-a-seat-belt stupid. It’s a bandage dress with a whole carton of Ruffle Lays on it. The idea of a bandage dress is to show off the wearer’s figure so why would you cover it in cheap cake frosting? I blame the designer for this one. Her styling is not helping either.

Amrita Rao in a Payal Singhal sari

Amrita Rao in a Payal Singhal sari

Does she not remind you of a child actor from the ’50s who had an illustrious career playing a boy but when puberty hit no one knew what to do with her so now she is married to a producer 20 years her senior?

Nimrat Kaur wearing a Shehlaa sari

Nimrat Kaur wearing a Shehlaa sari

And that’s her pushy mother trying to relive her glamour days through her child. I mean this in the best possible way because she looks so old school Bollywood chic.

Emilio Pucci on Ileana D'cruz

Emilio Pucci on Ileana D’cruz (that reads weird)

Her extra long sleeves are spreading their lacy tentacles all across her body and soon she’ll star as Venom in a feminist remake of Spider-Man where the protagonist makes it her mission to rid the world of cobwebs.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gaurav Gupta

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gaurav Gupta

The shoes she can courier me the rest she can burn, starting with that appliqué patch on her head.

Prachi Desai in Swapnil Shinde (that reads weird)

Prachi Desai in Swapnil Shinde

Bani Dixit (bet you did not know that was her surname) sexing it up? Hmmm… What would Mr Walia say?

Sophie Choudry in BCBG which sounds like an acronym for a bunch of Hindi gaalis

Sophie Choudry in BCBG which sounds like an acronym for a bunch of Hindi gaalis

Sophie Choudry did her bit to revive the age-old art of letter writing by encasing her twins in envelop flaps.

Konkona Sen Sharma drowning in a Rohit Bal anarkali

Konkona Sen Sharma drowning in a Rohit Bal anarkali

The white and gold combination is what you would normally wear to a Malayalee wedding along with gold in your weight, of course. But even by those standards this is too much gold.

Kajal Aggarwal in Monisha Jaising bling

Kajal Aggarwal in Monisha Jaising bling

I don’t believe the dress was stitched onto her, neither is there a JFK in sight and it’s definitely not his birthday.

Tamannah in Gauri & Nainika

Tamannah in Gauri & Nainika

She knows the dress is great and hence the smirk. Can we all say drama together?

Bruna Abdullah

Bruna Abdullah

Bruna Abdullah (you know her from…Google it, ya) is already so tall that the border of this anarkali is making her look like she is standing on stilts. Like she was the carnival attraction at Filmfare.

Chunky Pandey killing it

Chunky Pandey killing it

Bangladesh’s superstar was especially flown in to host the Red Carpet. If you ask me, Bollywood’s loss is Bangllywood’s (that’s what their industry is called, right?) gain. And this is Bollywood’s way of inviting him back into their fold but it’s too little too late, guys. We have lost a national treasure, especially when he looks this dapper.

Hosts Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir Kapoor

Hosts Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir Kapoor

Maybe if this was the pairing of Love Story 2050, life would have been very different.

Screen Awards red carpet

The Screen Awards took place and we all held our breath just waiting to know who went home with the coveted trophy. But when it comes to the telecast, we don’t have a seven second delay but more like a seven week delay. So you will have to wait a little longer to know the winners. Or you could just Google it. Whatever.

Abhay Deol and Preeti Desai

Abhay Deol and Preeti Desai in a Bare in Black gown

This couples’ tanning thing really works. A little too well.

Adhuna and Farhan Akhtar

Adhuna and Farhan Akhtar

I love Adhuna’s quirky sense of style. It’s like her way of rebelling against the ‘star-wife’ label. More power to you, girl. And that is how you wear a velvet waistcoat with Jodhpur-ish pants.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Harsh Harsh

Aditi Rao Hydari in Harsh Harsh

This needs something more happening. It all seems very flat and sort of like a snorefest.

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

Dude, is that a full and final velvet gown!? Talk about subtle use of fabric.

Bipasha Basu in Manish Malhotra

Bipasha Basu in Manish Malhotra

And that is how you wear velvet and an anarkali. In small doses and with less ghera, respectively. She really is looking good, no? Maybe marriage is the answer.

Boman Irani

Boman Irani

Yes, I will shake your hand but only because you are awesome.

Chitrangda Singh in Dior

Chitrangda Singh in Dior

If her last look was all about drama this is a little anticlimatic. Maybe another colour or a more glamorous hairstyle would have worked. But don’t worry, Chitrangda, the world (my amma and I) still loves you.

Deepika Padukone in Alexander McQueen

Deepika Padukone in Alexander McQueen

I suspect this one has gone a little wrong. I can’t point out why exactly. But feel is not coming. Like kuch kuch nahi hota hai when I see this gown. Could it be because Kate Hudson wore it to the Golden Globes LAST YEAR?

Divya Dutta

Divya Dutta

Take a beach holiday, woman and go drown that attire while you are at it.

Yo Yo Honey Singh

Yo Yo Honey Singh

He is making some very rude gestures but given the nature of his lyrics I should not be surprised.

Huma Qureshi

Huma Qureshi in Nikhil Thampi

Yes, the sun really does shine out of Huma Qureshi’s ear. Even Kalki Koechlin seems to think so…

Kalki in Nikhil Thampi

Kalki in Nikhil Thampi too

We get it. Huma is not responsible for Kalki’s divorce. You guys are the best of friends and you, Kalki, even helped Huma into that earpiece type-thingy. That ornament has a legitimate name but I’ve forgotten it. And I refuse to Google it since the Internet and I are currently in a complicated relationship.

This is one of Huma’s better looks. The dress fits her curves well and for once her hair is doing good things. But I’m thinking I should just give up on cribbing whenever people bastardise the sari. I can see Kalki’s leg. Should she not be wearing a petticoat underneath? My grandmother would not approve.

Juhi Chawla

Juhi Chawla

Why is she still promoting Son of Sardar?

In Shantanu & Nikhil

In Shantanu & Nikhil

No, no, no. Kajol, don’t fall back into your old trap. You were doing so well. This look seems so closed-up and nun-like. Unless… she is trying to cover a big old hickey. That’s one expensive way of doing it, if you ask me. Just paste on a bandage next time.

In Ranna Gill

In Ranna Gill

Look who’s back! And I have nothing unpleasant to say about Neha Dhupia. Except maybe… actually, no. But, I do want to wake up next to that cuff every morning and bring it breakfast in bed.

Nimrat Kaur

Nimrat Kaur

I’m loving the hint of boobies, sorry décolletage and the hair pulled away to show them off. Yet, I’m unsure of the puffed sleeves.

Ranveer Singh

Ranveer Singh

The velvet jacket with the waistcoat seems a bit much. Like it was initially a three-piece tux, but since he is Ranveer Singh and eccentric and all that, his stylist chose the blue jacket.

Wearing Innana by Monica & Karishma

Wearing Monica & Karishma

Do you think it’s just that some people can’t pull-off gowns as well as others can? There really is nothing horrifyingly wrong with the look, apart from the fact that the pattern overwhelms and the stylist should have put her hair up. As in Richa Chadda’s.

Sona Mohapatra

Sona Mohapatra

This is how Anarkali (the person, not the trend) must have looked and felt like when the last brick was laid.

In an Amit GT gown

In an Amit GT gown

I don’t know what Sonakshi Sinha or her stylist have been smoking but pat yourselves on the back and roll another one.

In Gaurav Gupta

In Gaurav Gupta

This dress on Shruti Hassan reminds me of a cold night at the graveyard. Let me hasten to assure you that Shruti does not look like the undead, far from it, but something about the blue and black and net gives me an eerie feeling.

In Amritraj Bora

In Amritraj Bora showing way too much of her Boras

As does this one on Sonal Chauhan. Somewhere a koli has lost the day’s catch.

In a Manish Malhotra sari

In a Manish Malhotra sari

Who sends her invites and why? At least Sophie Chaudhary has the decency to dress well.

PS: Raise your hand if you are missing Sonam Kapoor.

Colour chameleon

Looks like all those heroines who pranced around in high waist baggy jeans and poofy pink frocks in the ’80s and ’90s are making up for it by looking stunning in the new millennium. Madhuri Dixit, Karisma Kapoor, Juhi Chawla, Sridevi and Kajol are essentially flipping the bird at the fashion gods every time they step out in public. Well, most times.

In AM:PM

In AM:PM

Kajol lent her support to a good cause in this feminine number. It’s nice that the bottom half has some sort of definition otherwise the dress was in grave danger of looking like Ebenezer Scrooge’s night gown. While the colour is great, the tan pumps and gold neckpiece make it all too monochromatic. A brighter pair of shoes might have worked. But I love me some side braid and now that a messy plait is in I can officially stop searching for my comb.

Kajol

Kajol did a 360 in this Quirk Box jumpsuit – an unusual yet interesting choice for her. It’s colourful and how. I’m so overwhelmed by the happiness and well… quirkiness of the ensemble that I’m not even noticing that it’s a jumpsuit and that her massive handbag has nothing to do with the overall look.

Charity begins at Fire Your Stylist

I am going to start this post with a Haiku… because why not?

B-list at a play

Looking for publicity

Fire Your Stylist wins

Let’s see what the “stars” had in store for us, shall we?

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Richa Chadda insisted on looking like a coconut – tapering off at the edges, chunky in the middle. While I think she has perfectly nice body, I don’t see the wisdom (see what I did there) in attracting attention to her hips like that. Nice shoes, though.

wisdom-charity-play-premiere-dia-mirza-richa-chadda-carol-gracias-tanisha-mukherjee-57209_600

Woh dekh, kya hai? Bedsheet hai kya? Na rey pagley, that’s a tribute to Lungi Dance (tribute pe tribute… Parag tribute) The best part of this outfit? The bag made out of cement, of course.

wisdom-charity-play-premiere-dia-mirza-richa-chadda-carol-gracias-tanisha-mukherjee-57213_600

Ali Fazal met a really fat surfer boy and took his clothes  in exchange for magic beans… no other explanation makes sense.

Happy Birthday Bollywood + Vinegar Vignettes

So Genelia D’Souza, Sri Devi AND Kajol turn a year older this month. As an expression of our eternal gratitude to them for giving us joy, sorrow, fodder and many, many happy memories (DDLJ, CHAALBAAZ, Making fun of Genelia’s name) we’re starting a new segment dedicated to Bollywood’s birthdays. Thanks to the awesome peeps at Vinegar, we’ve picked out what we’d give the stars as presents, sometimes to turn their wardrobe’s around and sometimes to conform to their style, if we already approve of it. Do you agree with our choices? Sound off in the comments below!

Genelia D’Souza: 5th August

 

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The pink is young and the bow is flirty, with which we hope to combat the “Got married so career over” cliche.

Kajol:  5th August

 

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Since Kajol has been all about the swagger lately, we’ve picked this Maxi dress for her. Hair in an updo and some espadrilles and she’ll be good to go anywhere!

Sri Devi: 13th August

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For her 50th birthday, we decided to give her something slightly edgy… it’s  campy but cool, and she looks like she could totally pull it off.

 

 

It’s all about loving the Birthday Boy

Karan Johar (actually it was Aarti Shetty, filmmaker Manmohan Shetty’s daughter) held Bollywood’s annual peace conference also known as his birthday bash. You know that everyone showed up but sadly all the images are of them in their cars trying to block out the paparazzi. Now, I could comment on their Audis, Mercs and BMWs but I don’t think that would do justice to those who come here for fashion. So this is the best I could conjure.

Note to self: At Anuya’s birthday next month take photos of friends alighting from rickshaws, buses and their 12cc Scooty Peps.

Karan JoharHere’s the birthday boy looking spiffy in a leather jacket – in the summer heat – stifling a fart.

Manish Malhotra, Kajol, Karisma Kapur, Karan Johar

Manish Malhotra tweeted this photo of himself, Kajol, Karisma Kapoor and Karan. Karisma’s totally pulling off the disco ball outfit. But is that an aquarium Kajol has on for a jacket? The fish are actually swimming towards her neck like they’d like to give her face a pedicure.

Parineeti Chopra

Parineeti Chopra not only chose to wear a bandage dress, a trend that’s long wrapped up, but also chose one that has horizontal stripes adorning the widest part of anyone’s anatomy.

Sussanne Roshan

Sussanne Roshan in an LBD. Whatever. Sussanne Roshan carrying a pillow for the sleepover? Now we are talking.

Saqib Saleem and Huma Qureshi

Huma Qureshi brought brother Saqib Saleem to commemorate the momentous occasion of her not looking frumpy. While the neon skirt is cool she could have paired it with another top and a whole other pair of shoes.

UPDATE: Huma’s actually wearing a dress and not a skirt with a top. I stand corrected. However, I still don’t like the top half of it.

Ranveer Singh

Ranveer ‘I don’t care enough’ Singh high-fiving the press.

Karan Johan, Aamir Khan

It’s heartening to see that celebrities also dress like us the morning after in shorts and chappals.

Happy birthday to Indian cinema

Cinema has done a Sachin Tendulkar and this year celebrates 100 years of being in the business of selling the most expensive tub of popcorn. Which of course means that Bollywood (since there is no other kind of cinema) is going all out.

At the Lakme Fashion Week, designer of chiffon saris and flashy lehengas, Manish Malhotra showcased a collection commemorating 100 years of cinema. Ergo ALL of Bollywood and their alter egos showed up.

Anuya and I too squeezed into the standing-room-only venue where I watched most of the show through a guy’s iPhone. But it was absolutely worth it. For all the ranting and whining we do around here it was nice to hear veterans and young guns talk about their passion for the movies.

Bombay Talkies directors

Karan Johar, Dibakar Banerjee, Zoya Akhtar and Anurag Kashyap give us the ‘direct’ stare

Manish divided the show into eras starting with black and white then moving on to the 60s and 70s and finally to the 90s and 2000s. Bombay Talkies directors Karan Johar, Anurag Kashyap, Dibakar Banerjee and Zoya Akhtar opened the show dressed in black and white. Anurag looked quite badass in his fitted bandhgala.

Manish Malhotra Bobby

Dimple Kapadia would have been proud

Then, just as the iPhone Guy’s hand began to tire, out came models in plunging polka dotted Bobby-esque tops and palazzo pants. With flowers tucked in their hair they wore clingy saris and large shades too.

Siddharth Malhotra

Siddharth Malhotra is also wondering what all the fuss is about

Manish did a great job of representing the 90s and the 200os in flowing kurtas and jackets. A squeal of a thousand women filled the claustrophobic venue as Varun Dhawan and Siddharth Malhotra strutted down the ramp in light jackets. A woman almost dug her talons into my shoulder in ecstasy.

Kajol and Karisma Kapoor

Kajol and Karisma Kapoor show how the pros do it

Though Kajol was not a part of the show, she walked the ramp for the shutterbugs at the end. In a simple sari with a peek-a-boo blouse, she nailed the look with her poise and elegance.

I, on the other, went into hyperventilation mode and even rode the elevator twice just to breathe the same air as Dibakar.

Big B’s birthday bash

After I crawled out from under the rock I was living… under, I realised that Amitabh Bachchan had turned the big 7-oh. And of course he threw a bash befitting his iconic status. Take that Karan Johar.

Let’s see what everyone pulled out of their closets.

Amitabh Bachchan donned a velvet bandhgala. Is it strange that he can carry velvet and not Shahrukh Khan? Jaya Bachchan rummaged through Aishwarya’s closet and picked the brightest maternity tent she could find. Shweta Nanda (with her husband and son) and Aishwarya colour coded and for once I don’t want to rip that anarkali off the Bachchan Bahu. And look, how sweet of them to let a waiter pose for their family photo.

Shahrukh Khan is still in velvet except he now looks like Hugh Hefner. Gauri Khan is showing me way too much of her artificially tanned skin than I am ok with.

With the John Abraham marriage rumours hounding her to an early death, Bipasha Basu decided to come dressed as a bride. Take that John’s girlfriend.

What! Sonakshi Sinha is related to Kajol and Ajay Devgn? Why else is she in their family photo in her richly coloured anarkali? How is Tanisha still part of Bollywood? I get that Kajol wanted to ditch the flowing anarkali but why wear her curtain instead? Ajay, your suit’s a little tight but that might be because you take method acting to another level and never relax your Son of Sardar stance.

Parineeti Chopra, why did your stylist not tell you that you are too young and pretty to be swathed in so much cloth and in such a dull colour?

This photo just makes me very sad.

This, on the other hand, makes me super happy. Genelia D’Souza and Riteish Deshmukh’s marriage has done wonders to their style. The gold dress stands out in a sea of floating anarkalis and Riteish is killing it in that tux.

Neetu Singh is the poster girl of ageing gracefully (Rekha, take notes). Her attire is bright and bold but she still carries it well. Rishi Kapoor looks like a chubby penguin. I mean that in the best possible way. I would never ridicule my future lover’s parents.

Rahul Khanna is alive! I’m so glad Vinod Khanna (with his wife Kavita) chose to bring this brother. Now we can all bask in Rahul’s sexy appearance because it’s so rare. Enjoy it while it lasts, people.

I’m sure Shamita Shetty’s dress looks great but I’m not a huge fan of her (who is?) so I don’t like the dress either. Yes, I am unbiased in life.  I get it that Shilpa (with husband Raj Kundra) has to cover her baby fat but don’t do it in a brightly coloured poncho.

I have no great fashion related observations to make here. I Just wanted to show you Anupam and Kirron Kher’s bodyguard who also doubles up as a wrestler who also moonlights as their son —Sikander Kher.

I don’t know why but I have this feeling that Ayesha Takia Azmi (with her husband Farhan Azmi) is going to break into the garba. Don’t ask me why.

Shit! That’s Mahima Choudhary. The Obla Dee, Obla Doo girl from Pardes! Obla Dee shit!

And finally, Preity Zinta in a salwar kameez I owned in the 90s and wore to the Diwali party at school.

Being Vogue about it

Bollywood and a few others glammed up for Vogue India’s 5th Anniversary Bash. Can you believe that the magazine has been around for five years? The very same magazine that is so aspirational I can’t even afford to buy it. Considering it’s a Vogue party, where you know, ‘Before it’s in fashion it’s in Vogue’, the performances were so-so.

I don’t know if it’s the angle or the lace neckline but Dia Mirza looks really err… endowed and voluptuous. The dress is giving negligee vibes. What’s going on around her waist? And why is it all black? Ok, red lips would have been too predictable but this ain’t a funeral.

On the red carpet are Smiley and her sister, Underpaid Geisha. Actually, I like what Kajol has on. It’s very unlike her – the colour, cut and more so the fact that it’s not an anarkali or ill-fitting pants. I’m undecided on Tanisha’s gown, but the makeup makes her look like a geisha who has seen better days.

Kalki Koechlin looks like a happy Flapper from the 20s so let’s not kill her buzz. Maybe those chunky shoes and clutch are doing it already.

Somebody tell Prateik the Harley Davidson gang bang session changed its venue last minute. The good thing is he might have to lose his clothes for an entry there.

Not my favourite person, not my favourite look but Siddharth Mallya looks a lot like Hugh Hefner with his smoking slippers and belted jacket. I think I secretly dig this look but I will deny it in court.