2 to Tango

Alia and Arjun promoting 2 States in various states of duress

Alia and Arjun promoting 2 States in various states of duress

All you naysayers can suck it because Thane has officially arrived. Alia Bhatt and Arjun Kapoor are only a few of the stars who stopped by (at Korum Mall) to promote their films, vindicating Thane and proving that it is a place worth visiting… to promote your film. Yes, I grew up in Thane. How did you guess? And no, we don’t want to be a part of Bombay anyway.

But I do have a point to make. That being, the zippers on the back on her jacket might not serve any actual purpose but they do jazz up a plain black jacket. Ok, fine. That’s not why I chose this picture. I picked it purely for the hilarious pose they are in. I suspect they are dancing to Saree Ke Fall Sa.

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IIFA-Q chale Amerika

Celebrities gathered for an IIFA press meet. The IFFAs will take place in Madhuri Dixit’s hometown of America.

Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor

Kareena Kapoor Khan: Really, Saif? I can’t believe I let you out of the house looking so overwhelmingly under dressed.

Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor1

Saif Ali Khan: You’re the one to talk. You have skunk skin on for a kurta.

IIFAKareena: Come back, Saifu. I was just joking, bro. Don’t take it so personally.

Saif: Personally? I’ll show you personal.

IFFA2Saif: Muah!

Kareena: Oh! Two can play this game, you know?

IIFA1Kareena: Muah!

Saif: Damn! I should leave the house badly dressed more often.

Anil Kapoor, Madhuri DixitMadhuri Dixit: Ah, yeh aaj kal ke bache. I don’t know what Saif’s problem is. That’s a lovely kurta with cute buttons on the shoulder.

Anil Kapoor: Hmm…

Madhuri: Is it just me or do we actually look younger than them? I mean, I know we had much better chemistry in Parinda and Beta than they ever had in Kurbaan.

Anil: Jhakaas!

It’s not over

I thought we had recovered from Awards Season flu but evidently not. We had the Zee Cine Awards to go. I’m sure a bunch of the same people won the same awards and it was all same-same but different somehow.

Sonakshi Sinha in Gauri & Nainika

Sonakshi Sinha in Gauri and Nainika

That’s an attention seeking dress. It would have been just fine without the black hangy-things but no, it craved DRAMA and now it’s slightly drunk and has dirty danced all alone and every girl hates it and the guys are amused by it. I like the wicked Manish Arora headband, though.

Genelia D'Souza in a Rohit Bal anarkali

Genelia D’Souza in a Rohit Bal anarkali

She better have a great excuse for dressing up like this. Pregnancy, maybe?

Deepika Padukone wearing Naeem Khan

Deepika Padukone wearing Naeem Khan

She better have a great reason for that headpiece. Insanity?

Vaani Kapoor in a Varun Bahl sari

Vaani Kapoor in a Varun Bahl sari

A Facebook friend wore a similar look to Amit wedS Paayal ❤ 🙂 🙂 ❤

Priyanka Chopra in a Jade sari

Priyanka Chopra in a Jade sari

Is A-okay.

Adhuna with husband Farhan Akhtar. See what I did there

Adhuna with husband Farhan Akhtar. See what I did there?

Complete respect for Adhuna. I can only imagine the number of panties that get mailed to their home every day. And she seems like she’ll be all ‘meh’ about it. And then leave the house looking nothing but awesome and exactly how she wants to.

Yami Gautam in a Sonakshi Raaj fishtail gown

Yami Gautam in a Sonakshi Raaj fishtail gown

It’s a great colour and the bottom-half fits well but the bodice is too structured. Like her boobies have got their very own cage.

Amrita Rao wearing a Monica & Karishma creation

Amrita Rao wearing a Monica & Karishma creation

What is it with Amrita Rao and her stylist? They can never get it bang on. There’s always something amiss like a stale prawn biryani. It’s biryani and it’s prawns – a great combination – but they are stale. I’m not apologising for that analogy. It’s lunch time.

Priyanka Alva and Vivek Oberoi

Priyanka Alva and Vivek Oberoi

They are the anti Posh and Becks. They are Pinky and Vics from Jogeshwari.

With Javed Akhtar

With Javed Akhtar

Clearly, Shabana Azmi’s style inspiration is an African tribal chieftain.

Event shevent

An event took place/someone celebrated their birthday and people showed up. That’s as specific as it’s going to get.

With wife Malaika

With wife Malaika

Zayed Khan, belatedly, realised that the only way anyone would notice him is if he wore a florescent jacket and so he borrowed one from an Indian Railways employee. Either he has injured his leg or he has trained his pet python well.

In Burberry

In Burberry

Normally, I would balk at the idea of a trench coat worn in Bombay but lately our weather has been as predictable as Miley Cyrus so it’s good to see Kangana Ranaut dressed for the winter and the rains and even a hailstorm.

Shamita Shetty and Sophie Choudry

Shamita Shetty and Sophie Choudry

Sophie Choudry: Why do people keep inviting us to things?

Shamita Shetty: Who knows. The joke’s on them but.

Sophie Choudry: Yeah, I guess.

Filmfare Awards

The Filmfare Awards took place for the 59th time – coincidentally, that’s Rekha’s current age and the age Shah Rukh Khan will never mature to in a Karan Johar film.

Gone with the wind in a in Gaurav Gupta

Gone with the wind in a Gaurav Gupta

A huge hurricane named Katrina blew Deepika Padukone’s dress away and as a result there are very few images of her right profile.

Aside: Why is her stylist referring to the Golden Globes look book and putting her in dresses that have got enough press and for all the wrong reasons? Lady Victoria Hervey, an Englishman’s answer to Queenie Dhody, wore the same dress to the Globes this year and not many thought she was victorious.

In Alexander McQueen

Priyanka Chopra in Alexander McQueen

This one is the rebellious cousin of Deepika’s church-going one (see link above). The pockets look like they are set afire by gold leaves and I would not be surprised if Deepika grabbed Priyanka and put her on her mantel mistaking her for the best actress trophy. Oh shit spoilers! Ah well, you’ll live.

That's a Louis Vuitton orgy happening on him

That’s a Louis Vuitton orgy happening on Ranveer Singh

I’m going to smoke up and watch the pattern come to life and try to strangle the teddy bear on his loafers. I suggest you do the same.

Kajol in a Nandita Mahtani gown

Kajol in a Nandita Mahtani gown

This is a great movie star shot. Unfortunately what she has on is not. I suspect she dropped her kids at the babysitter’s in her nightie and realised there was not enough time so she strapped on a belt and made it in time for this photo.

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

This one might as well be called Ruffle Lays.

Huma Qureshi in Gauri & Nainika

Huma Qureshi in Gauri & Nainika

And this one too. Ruffle Lays Magic Masala.

Preity Zinta in an extremely similar Gauri & Nainika too

Preity Zinta in an extremely similar Gauri & Nainika

Another movie star shot and another Ruffle Lays, this one Magic Masala with Tazos inside.

Dia Mirza in a very confusing Shantanu & Nikhil

Dia Mirza in a very confusing Shantanu & Nikhil

You can’t see from this angle but what she has on is a cropped top, leggings and a Lannister cloak worn as a nauvari sari.

Rekha doing her thang, y'all

Rekha doing her thang, y’all

That’s all the cloth of gold the Lannisters ever owned.

Neha Dhupia in a blouse by Payal Singhal and an Anju Modi skirt

Neha Dhupia in a blouse by Payal Singhal and an Anju Modi skirt

I’ll take it. And maybe lose the neckpieces and add earrings. But I’ll take it.

Karisma Kapoor in  Anamika Khanna

Karisma Kapoor in Anamika Khanna

The dress is the equivalent of a drunken Punjabi wedding where no one knows what the fuck is happening but everyone is in good spirits.

Kalki Koechlin in a lot of Sabyasachi

Kalki Koechlin in a lot of Sabyasachi

Yes, she is mourning the demise of her marriage. How did you guess?

A note to Sabyasachi and all those who wear him: Allow me to introduce you to the concept of a streamlined silhouette. This bada hai toh behtar hai philosophy does not work every time.

wearing a gorgeous Nikhil Thampi

Vaani Kapoor wearing a gorgeous Nikhil Thampi

I mean, if I had a body like that I too would wear as minimal clothes as possible. Let’s see what the valet guy is gawking at so intently.

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Work it, girl.

Richa Chadda in a Hervé Léger

Richa Chadda in a Hervé Léger

This dress is stupid. It’s drag-racing-drunk-without-a-seat-belt stupid. It’s a bandage dress with a whole carton of Ruffle Lays on it. The idea of a bandage dress is to show off the wearer’s figure so why would you cover it in cheap cake frosting? I blame the designer for this one. Her styling is not helping either.

Amrita Rao in a Payal Singhal sari

Amrita Rao in a Payal Singhal sari

Does she not remind you of a child actor from the ’50s who had an illustrious career playing a boy but when puberty hit no one knew what to do with her so now she is married to a producer 20 years her senior?

Nimrat Kaur wearing a Shehlaa sari

Nimrat Kaur wearing a Shehlaa sari

And that’s her pushy mother trying to relive her glamour days through her child. I mean this in the best possible way because she looks so old school Bollywood chic.

Emilio Pucci on Ileana D'cruz

Emilio Pucci on Ileana D’cruz (that reads weird)

Her extra long sleeves are spreading their lacy tentacles all across her body and soon she’ll star as Venom in a feminist remake of Spider-Man where the protagonist makes it her mission to rid the world of cobwebs.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gaurav Gupta

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gaurav Gupta

The shoes she can courier me the rest she can burn, starting with that appliqué patch on her head.

Prachi Desai in Swapnil Shinde (that reads weird)

Prachi Desai in Swapnil Shinde

Bani Dixit (bet you did not know that was her surname) sexing it up? Hmmm… What would Mr Walia say?

Sophie Choudry in BCBG which sounds like an acronym for a bunch of Hindi gaalis

Sophie Choudry in BCBG which sounds like an acronym for a bunch of Hindi gaalis

Sophie Choudry did her bit to revive the age-old art of letter writing by encasing her twins in envelop flaps.

Konkona Sen Sharma drowning in a Rohit Bal anarkali

Konkona Sen Sharma drowning in a Rohit Bal anarkali

The white and gold combination is what you would normally wear to a Malayalee wedding along with gold in your weight, of course. But even by those standards this is too much gold.

Kajal Aggarwal in Monisha Jaising bling

Kajal Aggarwal in Monisha Jaising bling

I don’t believe the dress was stitched onto her, neither is there a JFK in sight and it’s definitely not his birthday.

Tamannah in Gauri & Nainika

Tamannah in Gauri & Nainika

She knows the dress is great and hence the smirk. Can we all say drama together?

Bruna Abdullah

Bruna Abdullah

Bruna Abdullah (you know her from…Google it, ya) is already so tall that the border of this anarkali is making her look like she is standing on stilts. Like she was the carnival attraction at Filmfare.

Chunky Pandey killing it

Chunky Pandey killing it

Bangladesh’s superstar was especially flown in to host the Red Carpet. If you ask me, Bollywood’s loss is Bangllywood’s (that’s what their industry is called, right?) gain. And this is Bollywood’s way of inviting him back into their fold but it’s too little too late, guys. We have lost a national treasure, especially when he looks this dapper.

Hosts Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir Kapoor

Hosts Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir Kapoor

Maybe if this was the pairing of Love Story 2050, life would have been very different.

Policegiri

Bollywood went all out for the Mumbai police show, Umang. It’s great to see our cops, who, on most days, get so much flak just for being cops, gettin’ jiggy wit it.

Kareena Kapoor Khan in Shivan & Narresh

Kareena Kapoor Khan in Shivan & Narresh

I guess we are still colour blocking. But this one works just fine. And it’s an actual sari. Not a fusion of a gown and sari. But a sari sari. So, points for that.

In Roberto Cavalli

In Roberto Cavalli

See, if a dress is even slightly unflattering to Katrina Kaif’s curves, I’m going to be living in an anarkali or the hills for the rest of my life. Not really. I’ll be living on a beach. Whatever. She looks good.

Hrithik Roshan

Hrithik Roshan

Man! You can never go wrong with a well-fitted suit, especially when it fits a body like that.

Ranveer Singh

Ranveer Singh

I’m loving that T-shirt. I’m going to get me self one and walk around in it all week till someone comments on its quirky coolness.

Anil Kapoor showing us how it's done

Anil Kapoor showing us how it’s done

I’m convinced Anil Kapoor has found the fountain of youth and sips from it daily using a gilded goblet. In a few years if Sonam Kapoor looks the same you’ll know it’s true.

Host Manish Paul with someone

Host Manish Paul with someone they call Madhuri

Sigh. Never change. You are ok, Madhuri.

Abhay Deol

Abhay Deol

Who can resist a guy in a snug leather jacket who also stands up for the rights of creative people and has innovative ways of protesting when said rights are violated?

Prabhu Deva

Prabhu Deva

That’s right. Everybody ought to stop and stare when the P-man dances.

Richa Chadda wears a Pankaj & Nidhi sari

Richa Chadda wears a Pankaj & Nidhi sari

It’s a sari! And that blouse reminds me of a jhola I carried to college.

Manish Paul, Karan Johar and Sachin Tendulkar

Manish Paul, Karan Johar and Sachin Tendulkar

Saachiinnn! Sachin! *dhum dhum dhum*

Shah Rukh Khan

Shah Rukh Khan

Shawty got low, low, low.

Shah Rukh Khan in a lungi and fedora like only he can pull it off

Shah Rukh Khan in a lungi and fedora like only he can pull it off

That’s how all cops should direct traffic from now on.

Sunny Deol

Sunny Deol

The dhai kilo ka haath in all its glory.

Ranveer Singh1

That’s all, folks.

PS: Why was ACP Pradyuman not the guest of honour?

Screen Awards red carpet

The Screen Awards took place and we all held our breath just waiting to know who went home with the coveted trophy. But when it comes to the telecast, we don’t have a seven second delay but more like a seven week delay. So you will have to wait a little longer to know the winners. Or you could just Google it. Whatever.

Abhay Deol and Preeti Desai

Abhay Deol and Preeti Desai in a Bare in Black gown

This couples’ tanning thing really works. A little too well.

Adhuna and Farhan Akhtar

Adhuna and Farhan Akhtar

I love Adhuna’s quirky sense of style. It’s like her way of rebelling against the ‘star-wife’ label. More power to you, girl. And that is how you wear a velvet waistcoat with Jodhpur-ish pants.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Harsh Harsh

Aditi Rao Hydari in Harsh Harsh

This needs something more happening. It all seems very flat and sort of like a snorefest.

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

Dude, is that a full and final velvet gown!? Talk about subtle use of fabric.

Bipasha Basu in Manish Malhotra

Bipasha Basu in Manish Malhotra

And that is how you wear velvet and an anarkali. In small doses and with less ghera, respectively. She really is looking good, no? Maybe marriage is the answer.

Boman Irani

Boman Irani

Yes, I will shake your hand but only because you are awesome.

Chitrangda Singh in Dior

Chitrangda Singh in Dior

If her last look was all about drama this is a little anticlimatic. Maybe another colour or a more glamorous hairstyle would have worked. But don’t worry, Chitrangda, the world (my amma and I) still loves you.

Deepika Padukone in Alexander McQueen

Deepika Padukone in Alexander McQueen

I suspect this one has gone a little wrong. I can’t point out why exactly. But feel is not coming. Like kuch kuch nahi hota hai when I see this gown. Could it be because Kate Hudson wore it to the Golden Globes LAST YEAR?

Divya Dutta

Divya Dutta

Take a beach holiday, woman and go drown that attire while you are at it.

Yo Yo Honey Singh

Yo Yo Honey Singh

He is making some very rude gestures but given the nature of his lyrics I should not be surprised.

Huma Qureshi

Huma Qureshi in Nikhil Thampi

Yes, the sun really does shine out of Huma Qureshi’s ear. Even Kalki Koechlin seems to think so…

Kalki in Nikhil Thampi

Kalki in Nikhil Thampi too

We get it. Huma is not responsible for Kalki’s divorce. You guys are the best of friends and you, Kalki, even helped Huma into that earpiece type-thingy. That ornament has a legitimate name but I’ve forgotten it. And I refuse to Google it since the Internet and I are currently in a complicated relationship.

This is one of Huma’s better looks. The dress fits her curves well and for once her hair is doing good things. But I’m thinking I should just give up on cribbing whenever people bastardise the sari. I can see Kalki’s leg. Should she not be wearing a petticoat underneath? My grandmother would not approve.

Juhi Chawla

Juhi Chawla

Why is she still promoting Son of Sardar?

In Shantanu & Nikhil

In Shantanu & Nikhil

No, no, no. Kajol, don’t fall back into your old trap. You were doing so well. This look seems so closed-up and nun-like. Unless… she is trying to cover a big old hickey. That’s one expensive way of doing it, if you ask me. Just paste on a bandage next time.

In Ranna Gill

In Ranna Gill

Look who’s back! And I have nothing unpleasant to say about Neha Dhupia. Except maybe… actually, no. But, I do want to wake up next to that cuff every morning and bring it breakfast in bed.

Nimrat Kaur

Nimrat Kaur

I’m loving the hint of boobies, sorry décolletage and the hair pulled away to show them off. Yet, I’m unsure of the puffed sleeves.

Ranveer Singh

Ranveer Singh

The velvet jacket with the waistcoat seems a bit much. Like it was initially a three-piece tux, but since he is Ranveer Singh and eccentric and all that, his stylist chose the blue jacket.

Wearing Innana by Monica & Karishma

Wearing Monica & Karishma

Do you think it’s just that some people can’t pull-off gowns as well as others can? There really is nothing horrifyingly wrong with the look, apart from the fact that the pattern overwhelms and the stylist should have put her hair up. As in Richa Chadda’s.

Sona Mohapatra

Sona Mohapatra

This is how Anarkali (the person, not the trend) must have looked and felt like when the last brick was laid.

In an Amit GT gown

In an Amit GT gown

I don’t know what Sonakshi Sinha or her stylist have been smoking but pat yourselves on the back and roll another one.

In Gaurav Gupta

In Gaurav Gupta

This dress on Shruti Hassan reminds me of a cold night at the graveyard. Let me hasten to assure you that Shruti does not look like the undead, far from it, but something about the blue and black and net gives me an eerie feeling.

In Amritraj Bora

In Amritraj Bora showing way too much of her Boras

As does this one on Sonal Chauhan. Somewhere a koli has lost the day’s catch.

In a Manish Malhotra sari

In a Manish Malhotra sari

Who sends her invites and why? At least Sophie Chaudhary has the decency to dress well.

PS: Raise your hand if you are missing Sonam Kapoor.

Dedh chee ya

There was a small window – right around Jhalak Dikhhla Jaa 6 – when we all (namely, my amma and I) thought that Madhuri Dixit-Nene had finally found her fashion mojo. But alas, that was not to be and she soon had a downward spiral. I mean, she looks great in Dedh Ishqiya, yet I do understand the perils of dressing up like that for all events.

At a screening for Dedh Ishqiya

At a screening for Dedh Ishqiya

Yet, does Madhuri realise the perils of looking like this in public? I highly suspect that that’s a negligee she has stuffed down her pants and covered with a jacket. And what is with those brown ballet flats? How is it a sane idea to pair an orange top with muddy brown shoes? HOW?

Colour chameleon

Looks like all those heroines who pranced around in high waist baggy jeans and poofy pink frocks in the ’80s and ’90s are making up for it by looking stunning in the new millennium. Madhuri Dixit, Karisma Kapoor, Juhi Chawla, Sridevi and Kajol are essentially flipping the bird at the fashion gods every time they step out in public. Well, most times.

In AM:PM

In AM:PM

Kajol lent her support to a good cause in this feminine number. It’s nice that the bottom half has some sort of definition otherwise the dress was in grave danger of looking like Ebenezer Scrooge’s night gown. While the colour is great, the tan pumps and gold neckpiece make it all too monochromatic. A brighter pair of shoes might have worked. But I love me some side braid and now that a messy plait is in I can officially stop searching for my comb.

Kajol

Kajol did a 360 in this Quirk Box jumpsuit – an unusual yet interesting choice for her. It’s colourful and how. I’m so overwhelmed by the happiness and well… quirkiness of the ensemble that I’m not even noticing that it’s a jumpsuit and that her massive handbag has nothing to do with the overall look.

Mere do do Prabhudheva

Prabhudeva

Prabhudheva did a Hrithik, Aishwarya, SRK and Amitabh and got himself a wax statue. In Lonavala. Come on guys. This is Prabhudheva. Show some respect and call Madame Tussauds.

This one just does not do justice to his awesomeness. It’s far too sedate. They should have sculpted him in his Mukala Mukabala pose, complete with missing wrists and mug. Or at least not made him look so much like Chiranjeevi

He looks spiffy enough in his grey jacket, though. Actually, they both do.