Another film, another promotion

Imran Khan (he’s still around) and Kareena Kapoor got together to promote Gori Tere Pyaar Mein, Dharma Productions’ CSR documentary.

Kareena is in Verb by Pallavi Singhee

Kareena is in Verb by Pallavi Singhee

I love Kareena’s side braid but that’s because I’m partial to all kinds of braids. The dress, in itself, is nice. Nothing to fall in love with but neither is it a disaster to which we all have to donate to feel good about ourselves. I think her sense of style has grown up after she went and got herself a husband. Or that might just be my imagination since the last time I saw her with Imran she had pink extensions and was rating his butt on a scale of 1-10.

With director Punit Malhotra

With director Punit Malhotra

Kareena’s eyebrows are doing this weird thing where she appears to have two of them over a single eye. So, in all four. Like two normal ones with normal-sized arches and the other two that resemble wings of a very wicked bird.

Imran Khan

Imran is the smart guy here. He knows that promoting the film might not have its desired effect. So, before boarding his flight he did not bother to change clothes. Not even his shoes.

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Dust, dust na raha.

Sonam Kapoor’s fashion is like whacking a pinata blindfolded with a baseball bat… there are hits, there are misses, and sometimes you’ll end up with candy in your ear. This is very unlike her career though, which is no hits, only misses. Even in the relatively less-shitty stuff like Bhaag Milkha Bhaag, if you blink, you’ll misses her.

Now that I have poetically made my overall point about her fashion sense, let’s check out what she wore to the Stardust launch:

Sonam in Gucci.

Sonam in Gucci. Imran in Pinksipid. Yep. That’s a brand.

There’s too much screaming for my attention in the upper half – the hair, the lips, the chunky necklace, the lace detailing at the bust, the belt. Sonam is clearly not happy with how little screen time she got on Milkha, and is ensuring that it never happens again by keeping all eyes on her at the Stardust cover event.

Here’s a full-length:

Now with a little wardrobe malfunction.

Now with a little wardrobe malfunction.

MEH. MEHBOOB STUDIOS. MEH-SHUN IMPOSSIBLE. MEH-MYSELF-AUR-HUM.

Ship of Theseus screening

Ship of Theseus had a screening and most of the big names attended solely because Aamir Khan threatened to courier them a DVD of Mela otherwise.

Katrina Kaif

Katrina Kaif, who after the screening, celebrated her happy birthday, dressed like an upside down orange candy.

Ranbir Kapoor

I just hope her alleged boyfriend took off his fedora for the screening otherwise Rani Mukerji would have missed half the film. Of course I’m assuming that Rani sat behind the couple. Why? Just because I can. Also I know the usher.

Rani Mukerji

If the Ship of Theseus was missing a sail it was because Rani wore it as pants. 

Ayushmann Khurrana

Ayushmann Khurrana’s wearing a ladies size small jacket in a lovely pastel hue. Just thought I’d point that out.

Jackie Shroff

My mother wept when she saw this image of Jackie Shroff. She remembers him looking like this and not like a poor man’s Shakti Kapoor who, in himself, is a poor man’s Shakti Kapoor.

Imran Khan and Avantika Malik

Imran Khan brought his own X and O game in case the film got too intellectual for him. As an aside, why are they dressed so formally while the others have basically rolled out of bed?

Tayyab Ali Fashion Ka Dushman Hai Hai

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Sonakshi: I bet you can’t tell it.

Imran: Can’t tell what?

Sonakshi: That I stitched this dress myself. I learned how to do that in the WAGS class of this awesome school for Bollywood kids that I went to called WYPLYWTBHA*. It was a special session too, called What-to-do-when-you-put-all-your-money-in-an-Akshay-Kumar-movie-and-it-bombs. They have now re-named it LOLSHIRISHKUNDER.

Imran: Aren’t these bands on my jeans cute? They make me look like I’m a puppet. I am in pieces, held together only by the black cellotape of misery. ALL I EVER WANTED TO BE WAS A REAL BOY!

Sonakshi: You are a real boy. What you ought to want to be is a real MAN.

Imran: With *that* attitude, lady, you’ll never be married by 30. What will you blame your career’s end on then?

Sonakshi: Poor sartorial choices… Anyhoo. What do you think of my shoes? I bought them on Linking Road! Rs 250 only! Beaded by skinny hands of starving kids!

Imran: Sigh.

Random Man in Background: GIMME EVERYTHING TONIGHTTTTT!!!! GIMME EVERYTHING TONIGHTTTT!!! EVERYTHING TONIGHTTTT!!!

*(Where your parents leave you while they’re busy having affairs.)

Once again. All over again

I’m a little confused here.

Akshay Kumar, Sonakshi Sinha, Imran Khan

We were made to believe that Akshay Kumar, Sonakshi Sinha and Imran Khan were promoting Once a Upon a Time in Mumbaaaaai Again why then are the men striking the Singh is Kinnnng poseAside: Does misspelling your title earn an extra crore at the box office?

I think that actors dressing like the characters they play is a sign that Bollywood is truly coming of age. It’s a step Hollywood seldom takes. Did you see Robert Downey Jr. give interviews in the Ironman suit or a 10-foot blue Zoe Saldana at the Avatar screening or even Mike Myers in a green fat suit? No.

Akshay Kumar, Sonakshi Sinha, Imran Khan1

“Hey! There’s a box marked ‘Bad Fashion’. Let’s open it!”

But Bollywood actors are so dedicated that lines between real and reel are often blurred. Sonakshi, has on many occasions, worn snug, a decade-too-late salwar kameezes and you just know that most of Akshay’s suits have come from his own closet labelled ‘Yeh Dillagi’ and I’ll bet my bottom dollar that Imran thinks the heart-shaped buckle is a trend he must pioneer.

Bollywood, I salute you.

Only VMAI – Part Deux

Aarti Chabria

Over the shoulder, rib cage holder

I should know the answer to ‘How do they crotch-protect themselves in such short dresses?’ but that is a question best answered on Judgement Day. Like ‘How do I protect my vansh, God? Also how did Aarti Chhabria cover her hoo-haa that one time at the MTV VMAsI?’

Aarti sucked in some and pushed out others to get into this pre-Holi outfit with shoes that match the colour of the outcome of good bowel movements. But what is warming my heart is that she took one for fashion and wore her rib cage as a belt.

Aarti Chabria1

Here’s a frontal view. She just looks a little pale. Should we call Dr Doogie Howser?

Jackky Bhagnani

Jackky fishing for lost change

Jackky Bhagnani should be the chief guest at all music events. He should even have a music event dedicated to himself. Because anyone who makes papa throw away Rs 5 crore on the rights of a song that has portly men massaging them deserves that distinction. Also, I care not for his casually untucked shirt.

Suchitra Pillai

India has a new Batgirl… Batbai

Truth be told. If Suchitra Pillai-Malik would have just stopped at the thigh it might not have made me weep tears of blood. But the universe conspired and added bat wings to the bottom of her dress. I blame the universe… or just her stylist.

Imran Khan and Vir Das

I covet his shoes more than anything else Imran has to offer

This looks like a tourist photo from a trip to Madame Tussauds. Which one is the wax figure is up for debate. Vir Das is a funny guy and that transcends to his dress sense too.

Zarine Khan

The generous dose of highlighter on her chest is outshining the dress

So Zarine Khan is not exactly the Next Big Thing in Bollywood but if she dresses like this I won’t mind seeing more of her. Actually, she should wear this sequined number everywhere and with those shoes. It’s a funky combination of dress and accessory and one not many wear.

Tuck, untuck

Imran Khan settled on the pot with the latest gossip rag (the man claims to read anything and everything so I’d like him to read a crappy but terribly entertaining tabloid) when it struck him that he had to be at a birthday bash. So as he hastily zipped his pants he completely forgot to untuck his tie from his pants.

Why is he on the pot dressed in a jacket and tie? Your guess is as good as mine.