Blue is the warmest colour

Priyanka Chopra

Anuya and I watched Gunday (hey, all of us need a laugh once in a while) and we could not help but notice Priyanka Chopra’s weight loss. Our exact words were, “Dude! Her waist is tinier than Ranveer’s nipple.” We speculated that it could be in preparation for her role as Mary Kom but then we thought that if that were the case, should she not have put on muscle? This, all while, Ranveer and Arjun were beating the crap out of each other or something like that.

But I understand her choice. If I had a body like hers, I would not even bother with a figure hugging dress, I’d just leave the house wrapped in cling film. This, actually, might be one of her better looks. Not that she dresses like a homeless person otherwise. Far from it, in fact.

The McQueen fits her well and the colour is gorgeous. Her hair looks a little fried but is doing okay. It’s her cutesy shoes that don’t quite work. I get the need to balance out a sexy dress with girly heels but I’m not buying it.

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Bumpy ahead

Vidya Balan in Anand Kabra with Farhan Akhtar on Comedy Nights with Kapil

Vidya Balan in Anand Kabra with Farhan Akhtar on Koffee with Comedy Nights with Kapil

Oh My God! Vidya Balan has ankles. Who knew under all those saris and anarkalis she was hiding ankles?

The colour is that of a soothing Bloody Mary and I think I’m seeing her shoulder for the first time after that make out/marriage song in Parineeta. But let’s talk about the hair. Can we streak it white and use it as a speed breaker at Juhu Circle?

Farhan Akhtar makes a really good side effect. I have no notes for him except lose the jacket and t-shirt because such talent should not be hidden.

Calendar, khana do

Photographer Dabboo Ratnani launched his celebrity calendar and everyone attended looking a little tanned from their exotic holidays and whiny because they are back at work and hungover because hello, holidays. And like the rest of us, they too have refused to acknowledge the fact that holiday season is over and we have to now pay obeisance to our bosses.

DR-Gauhar Khan

Post her Bigg Boss win, Gauhar Khan is so going to pull a Shilpa Shetty. She looks pretty as a peach in this floral ensemble, all innocent like she did not… I’m looking to make an informed Bigg Boss reference when she was catty but I’ve not watched the ‘reality series’ so I’m blank.

DR-Sonakshi Sinha

Well, well. If this is not a New Year miracle I don’t know what is. Sonakshi Sinha looks so put together and well…clean. The lines of the dress are smooth, it’s the right length and the keyhole neckline is more sweet than sultry. And all this is offset by vixen hair and shoes.

DR-SRK

What’s up with Shah Rukh Khan? He’s never been the grumpy sort but of late he looks like he’s been chewing on some bitter amla. He’s always scowling. That photo of his does not wow me but I’m quite surprised that, considering he’s holding a cigarette, it does not come with a cautionary photo of lungs filled with tar.

DR-Poonam Dhillon

Poonam Dhillon looks like the aunty jo police bola legi.

DR-Person

I have no clue who that is but she thought it ok to leave the house in a blue animal print romper. People, I tell you.

DR-Bipasha Basu

And that is how you dress after news of your one-true-love’s marriage hits the headlines. Show him what he’s missing, Bipasha.

DR-Amit Sadh

Either Amit Sadh is having a bad hair day or Bombay really is experiencing winter. Why else would you wear a beanie, right?

DR-aditi govitrikar

Even the lady in the background can smell something funny about Aditi Govitrikar’s pants.

DR-Aditya Thackeray

Eh?

DR-Gulshan Grover

This one is just way too awesome in its composition. Nobody, and I mean nobody, does badass as well as Gulshan Grover. Ok, maybe Amrish Puri. But no one ALIVE does badass as well as Gulshan Grover. ‘Kabeera speaking’.

Oh so blue

Anushka Sharma – where has she been of late? – popped up to promote a whitening-blemish reducing-fragrance laced-world saving-poverty curing product that she’s the brand ambassador of.

In Oh My Love. As in "Oh My Love! What is she wearing!?"

In Oh My Love. As in “Oh My Love! What is she wearing!?”

The colour is actually nice on her and she carries the thigh-high slit well. The fit of the top-half is a little sloppy. Come on Anushka’s stylist, give her some definition. The lack of accessories and poorly-styled hair are not helping either. The shoes too lack funk.

Anushka Sharma1

The event was actually to announce the winners of a contest titled ‘Flaunt Your Back’ and that Anushka did. But where is the shape in the bottom-half?

Anushka was quoted as saying, “The contest has been amazing. The fact that you are encouraging women to be themselves and be confident is something that I vouch for.” This from a woman who endorses whitening everything. Sorry, cell repair.

Anushka Sharma

“You! Yes, you. My stylist. Are fired.”

Check yourself, mate

Huma Quereshi

Huma Qureshi is wearing Two-Face’s customised chessboard.

My hair looks like this after I’ve forgotten to wash it for a few weeks  days. I fail to understand why her hairstylist spent that much time, effort and product to give her Gym Hair. 

Also STOP WITH THE COLOUR BLOCKING! Also Huma, FIRE YOUR STYLIST! Also I hear you might play Shabana Azmi in the Arth remake. Sweet. Now go dress better.

Actually, wait. No, it’s still just as bad.

Huma Quereshi1

Colour chameleon

Looks like all those heroines who pranced around in high waist baggy jeans and poofy pink frocks in the ’80s and ’90s are making up for it by looking stunning in the new millennium. Madhuri Dixit, Karisma Kapoor, Juhi Chawla, Sridevi and Kajol are essentially flipping the bird at the fashion gods every time they step out in public. Well, most times.

In AM:PM

In AM:PM

Kajol lent her support to a good cause in this feminine number. It’s nice that the bottom half has some sort of definition otherwise the dress was in grave danger of looking like Ebenezer Scrooge’s night gown. While the colour is great, the tan pumps and gold neckpiece make it all too monochromatic. A brighter pair of shoes might have worked. But I love me some side braid and now that a messy plait is in I can officially stop searching for my comb.

Kajol

Kajol did a 360 in this Quirk Box jumpsuit – an unusual yet interesting choice for her. It’s colourful and how. I’m so overwhelmed by the happiness and well… quirkiness of the ensemble that I’m not even noticing that it’s a jumpsuit and that her massive handbag has nothing to do with the overall look.

Not again, Deepika

SRK and Deepika Padukone1

Shah Rukh Khan wears a frown. Deepika, Erdem

Sigh. I love the dress, the makeup, the hair and the shoes. The lady? Not so much. Who on earth gets it right every single time? I’m sure Deepika’s stylist is actually the erstwhile Fairy Godmother and butterflies dress her up. That explains the floral pattern.

I love that Shah Rukh Khan is cool with the fact that she’s actually a few inches taller than him. I mean he’s Shah Rukh Khan. Freaking Xerxes of Persia could be towering over him and he’d be completely unfazed.

Deepika does double duty

Deepika Femina

Femina is still flogging the 100 years of cinema horse with its latest special edition cover. The gatefold opens to reveal three more Deepikas. That, right there, is many a people’s wet dream. She looks stunning, no doubt. Unlike Ranbir Kapoor I’d actually pick her over Katrina Kaif solely based on her choice of attires. But, somehow, I don’t think that was his prime criteria. Katrina is like milk chocolate – all white and single-flavoured but Deepika seems like dark chocolate with hazelnut – layered with surprises thrown in. This assessment refers to their outfits and has nothing to do with them personally or professionally because a) I don’t hang with them on a daily basis or like ever and b) Their combined professional talent does not keep me interested on a daily basis or EVER.

Hold on, why did I start talking about Katrina? Back to the cover. As an ode to Bollywood, Deepika donned five different looks depicting five different heroines and hence five different facets of Bollywood. The first one is a Cocktail inspired Zara look with crazy ass Steve Madden shoes. The busy metallic skirt is beautifully offset by the basic grey, slouchy top. Next she wears a Sabyasachi lehenga (like that was not obvious) paying homage to Umrao Jaan. It’s all you’d expect from a Sabyasachi lehenga. Nothing more, nothing less.

Deepika Femina 1

Zeenat Aman gets channelled in a Nikhil Thampi ensemble. The exaggerated sleeves look great on a magazine cover but I’m wondering about the practicality of having them drag along the dance floor. Deepika does a Mumtaz in a Ritu Kumar sari and blouse. I love the high neck blouse and the plain sari with the pouf styled to perfection. The final and, possibly my favourite, is the Helen look. The Rohit Gandhi + Rahul Khanna dress captures Helen’s peek-a-boo style so well as does the I’m-fresh-off-a-romp-in-the-hay hair. And I’d totally pledge my soul to the devil for those Christian Louboutins.

I like that all the ensembles have a soft, almost earthy colour palette and even though the looks hark back to an era gone by they still have a modern touch to them. Stylist Allia Al Rufai and hair and makeup artiste Anil Chinappa have done a great job.

But my grouse is not so much with the look and feel of the cover but with the concept itself. The edit team could have come up something a little more challenging than have a contemporary heroine play dress with a makeup room as the backdrop. It’s feels like this was the first idea they had and they just ran with it. It’s the 100 years of leading ladies, so much more could have been done. They took their tagline ‘For all the women you are’ and literally translated that into portraying Deepika in many avatars. The issue, by itself, is interesting and comprehensive. Come on, Femina give us something more to work with.

Deepika elle

In complete contrast, Deepika goes chic in this teal Louis Vuitton for the Elle cover. I like that it’s actually wearable. People won’t drag me to the circus if I do wear this out in public (not that I can afford an LV). The hair is short and wispy and the blue tones are in keeping with the monsoon but what is with that hospital curtain backdrop?

IIFA Q – Part 2

Sophie Choudry

Sophie Choudry, that’s actually a nice gown but nobody cares. Seriously, why is she even issued a passport?

Sridevi

It’s great to see Sridevi not limiting herself to saris just because this is her ‘second innings’. Yet, I think she’s always a step away from getting it pitch perfect. There’s nothing wrong with this look. It’s a nice enough gown and fits her well but I don’t know. Is it the hair? Does she look a little disproportionate?

Sridevi1

It’s more pronounced here. Her bust just does not seem in keeping with the rest of her body.

Anushka sharma

Anushka Sharma’s bustline, on the other hand, is not doing its job well. Woman, eat something so you can grow a pair. Eat a pear even. Stop going from skinny to skinnier. Also, I hate your hair. Go bald and wait for it to grow out.

Vidya Balan

It’s no longer funny. Just sad. Very sad. It will never get better, will it?

Diana Penty

Diana Penty, you’re pretty and young. Wear a dress. Vaccinate yourself against Vidyabalansari-itis.

UPDATE: I’m slacking or am losing my eyesight or simply my mind. That’s not Diana Penty. It’s Pooja Kumar (Thanks Anj for pointing that out). She was in Vishwaroopam. You really can’t trust the internet these days. Still, darling, put on a dress.

Divya Dutta

Now, I don’t mind someone like Divya Dutta in a sari. I just have a problem when she looks like a cross dressing Aamir Khan.

Neha Dhupia

If you’ve not noticed, Neha Dhupia and we have a love-hate relationship. This might not be not her best work but I’m going to give it to her. Just because it stands out in the sea of gowns and saris. It’s very high-priestess-of-the-pantheon but I’m not going to speak ill of it. I’m not. Maybe… NO!

Lisa Haydon

Sigh. I’m going to kill myself by drowning in that pattern. Thanks a lot, Lisa Haydon. I feel so good about myself now.

Deepika Padukone

Ditto Deepika. My neck is thicker than her exposed thigh. Whatever. I’m going to console myself with the fact that her ‘Tamilian’ accent in Chennai Express is the film’s comic relief.

Through the Looking-Glass

Now that it has been scientifically proven that spectacles on your Naina make you smart, I am Einstein.

INDIA-ARTS-CINEMA-BOLLYWOOD

Of course that dress on Deepika Padukone looks great. It’s a nice, happy colour to wear in this drab weather. The belt is a fun way to break the monotony. The hair, though, from this angle, gives out an old Hollywood feel. Like she’s going to laugh only half-sarcastically at what the hero said while flicking ash from her extra-long cigarette. That’s what they did in old Hollywood, right?

We’ve seen those shoes before. Back then, when I was naive and did not know better, I wanted some colour added to them but now I am wiser and like them just as they are. Like Mark Darcy does Bridget Jones.

INDIA-ARTS-CINEMA-BOLLYWOOD

This is obviously the light playing tricks but we can all take solace in the fact that Deepika might not age gracefully.