JEET GAYEEEE

2_1392393877Deepika: Farhan

Farhan: Deepika

Deepika: Milkha

Farhan: Leela

Deepika: We’re rewriting the rules for cool lead character names, eh? HIGH-FIVE! DEATH TO RAHUL AND RHEA! 

Farhan: That’s cool… but. What happened?

Deepika: What do you mean, what happened?

Farhan: Did you have a date with Freddie Krueger?

Deepika: For the last time… I AM NOT DATING RANVEER SINGH.

Farhan: Your dress has a giant gaping slash in the middle.

Deepika: Yeh aaj kal ka fashion hain.

Farhan: And what’s up with the face, bro? Are you trying to look like Anushka Sharma? Even Anushka Sharma is trying to NOT look like Anushka Sharma at the mo.

Deepika: At least I am not swaddled in black like a baby in mourning.

Farhan: At least my boobs don’t look funny.

Deepika: That depends on which row you watched Bhaag Milkha Bhaag from.

Farhan: At least my hair isn’t pretending to be the Aam Aadmi Party symbol dipped in a bucket full of phenyl-wala paani.

Deepika: Shut up or I’ll bludgeon you to death with my trophy.

Farhan: I don’t think you should call Ranveer that.

(Props to anyone who can spot the K3G reference.)

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It’s not over

I thought we had recovered from Awards Season flu but evidently not. We had the Zee Cine Awards to go. I’m sure a bunch of the same people won the same awards and it was all same-same but different somehow.

Sonakshi Sinha in Gauri & Nainika

Sonakshi Sinha in Gauri and Nainika

That’s an attention seeking dress. It would have been just fine without the black hangy-things but no, it craved DRAMA and now it’s slightly drunk and has dirty danced all alone and every girl hates it and the guys are amused by it. I like the wicked Manish Arora headband, though.

Genelia D'Souza in a Rohit Bal anarkali

Genelia D’Souza in a Rohit Bal anarkali

She better have a great excuse for dressing up like this. Pregnancy, maybe?

Deepika Padukone wearing Naeem Khan

Deepika Padukone wearing Naeem Khan

She better have a great reason for that headpiece. Insanity?

Vaani Kapoor in a Varun Bahl sari

Vaani Kapoor in a Varun Bahl sari

A Facebook friend wore a similar look to Amit wedS Paayal ❤ 🙂 🙂 ❤

Priyanka Chopra in a Jade sari

Priyanka Chopra in a Jade sari

Is A-okay.

Adhuna with husband Farhan Akhtar. See what I did there

Adhuna with husband Farhan Akhtar. See what I did there?

Complete respect for Adhuna. I can only imagine the number of panties that get mailed to their home every day. And she seems like she’ll be all ‘meh’ about it. And then leave the house looking nothing but awesome and exactly how she wants to.

Yami Gautam in a Sonakshi Raaj fishtail gown

Yami Gautam in a Sonakshi Raaj fishtail gown

It’s a great colour and the bottom-half fits well but the bodice is too structured. Like her boobies have got their very own cage.

Amrita Rao wearing a Monica & Karishma creation

Amrita Rao wearing a Monica & Karishma creation

What is it with Amrita Rao and her stylist? They can never get it bang on. There’s always something amiss like a stale prawn biryani. It’s biryani and it’s prawns – a great combination – but they are stale. I’m not apologising for that analogy. It’s lunch time.

Priyanka Alva and Vivek Oberoi

Priyanka Alva and Vivek Oberoi

They are the anti Posh and Becks. They are Pinky and Vics from Jogeshwari.

With Javed Akhtar

With Javed Akhtar

Clearly, Shabana Azmi’s style inspiration is an African tribal chieftain.

Bumpy ahead

Vidya Balan in Anand Kabra with Farhan Akhtar on Comedy Nights with Kapil

Vidya Balan in Anand Kabra with Farhan Akhtar on Koffee with Comedy Nights with Kapil

Oh My God! Vidya Balan has ankles. Who knew under all those saris and anarkalis she was hiding ankles?

The colour is that of a soothing Bloody Mary and I think I’m seeing her shoulder for the first time after that make out/marriage song in Parineeta. But let’s talk about the hair. Can we streak it white and use it as a speed breaker at Juhu Circle?

Farhan Akhtar makes a really good side effect. I have no notes for him except lose the jacket and t-shirt because such talent should not be hidden.

Screen Awards red carpet

The Screen Awards took place and we all held our breath just waiting to know who went home with the coveted trophy. But when it comes to the telecast, we don’t have a seven second delay but more like a seven week delay. So you will have to wait a little longer to know the winners. Or you could just Google it. Whatever.

Abhay Deol and Preeti Desai

Abhay Deol and Preeti Desai in a Bare in Black gown

This couples’ tanning thing really works. A little too well.

Adhuna and Farhan Akhtar

Adhuna and Farhan Akhtar

I love Adhuna’s quirky sense of style. It’s like her way of rebelling against the ‘star-wife’ label. More power to you, girl. And that is how you wear a velvet waistcoat with Jodhpur-ish pants.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Harsh Harsh

Aditi Rao Hydari in Harsh Harsh

This needs something more happening. It all seems very flat and sort of like a snorefest.

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

Dude, is that a full and final velvet gown!? Talk about subtle use of fabric.

Bipasha Basu in Manish Malhotra

Bipasha Basu in Manish Malhotra

And that is how you wear velvet and an anarkali. In small doses and with less ghera, respectively. She really is looking good, no? Maybe marriage is the answer.

Boman Irani

Boman Irani

Yes, I will shake your hand but only because you are awesome.

Chitrangda Singh in Dior

Chitrangda Singh in Dior

If her last look was all about drama this is a little anticlimatic. Maybe another colour or a more glamorous hairstyle would have worked. But don’t worry, Chitrangda, the world (my amma and I) still loves you.

Deepika Padukone in Alexander McQueen

Deepika Padukone in Alexander McQueen

I suspect this one has gone a little wrong. I can’t point out why exactly. But feel is not coming. Like kuch kuch nahi hota hai when I see this gown. Could it be because Kate Hudson wore it to the Golden Globes LAST YEAR?

Divya Dutta

Divya Dutta

Take a beach holiday, woman and go drown that attire while you are at it.

Yo Yo Honey Singh

Yo Yo Honey Singh

He is making some very rude gestures but given the nature of his lyrics I should not be surprised.

Huma Qureshi

Huma Qureshi in Nikhil Thampi

Yes, the sun really does shine out of Huma Qureshi’s ear. Even Kalki Koechlin seems to think so…

Kalki in Nikhil Thampi

Kalki in Nikhil Thampi too

We get it. Huma is not responsible for Kalki’s divorce. You guys are the best of friends and you, Kalki, even helped Huma into that earpiece type-thingy. That ornament has a legitimate name but I’ve forgotten it. And I refuse to Google it since the Internet and I are currently in a complicated relationship.

This is one of Huma’s better looks. The dress fits her curves well and for once her hair is doing good things. But I’m thinking I should just give up on cribbing whenever people bastardise the sari. I can see Kalki’s leg. Should she not be wearing a petticoat underneath? My grandmother would not approve.

Juhi Chawla

Juhi Chawla

Why is she still promoting Son of Sardar?

In Shantanu & Nikhil

In Shantanu & Nikhil

No, no, no. Kajol, don’t fall back into your old trap. You were doing so well. This look seems so closed-up and nun-like. Unless… she is trying to cover a big old hickey. That’s one expensive way of doing it, if you ask me. Just paste on a bandage next time.

In Ranna Gill

In Ranna Gill

Look who’s back! And I have nothing unpleasant to say about Neha Dhupia. Except maybe… actually, no. But, I do want to wake up next to that cuff every morning and bring it breakfast in bed.

Nimrat Kaur

Nimrat Kaur

I’m loving the hint of boobies, sorry décolletage and the hair pulled away to show them off. Yet, I’m unsure of the puffed sleeves.

Ranveer Singh

Ranveer Singh

The velvet jacket with the waistcoat seems a bit much. Like it was initially a three-piece tux, but since he is Ranveer Singh and eccentric and all that, his stylist chose the blue jacket.

Wearing Innana by Monica & Karishma

Wearing Monica & Karishma

Do you think it’s just that some people can’t pull-off gowns as well as others can? There really is nothing horrifyingly wrong with the look, apart from the fact that the pattern overwhelms and the stylist should have put her hair up. As in Richa Chadda’s.

Sona Mohapatra

Sona Mohapatra

This is how Anarkali (the person, not the trend) must have looked and felt like when the last brick was laid.

In an Amit GT gown

In an Amit GT gown

I don’t know what Sonakshi Sinha or her stylist have been smoking but pat yourselves on the back and roll another one.

In Gaurav Gupta

In Gaurav Gupta

This dress on Shruti Hassan reminds me of a cold night at the graveyard. Let me hasten to assure you that Shruti does not look like the undead, far from it, but something about the blue and black and net gives me an eerie feeling.

In Amritraj Bora

In Amritraj Bora showing way too much of her Boras

As does this one on Sonal Chauhan. Somewhere a koli has lost the day’s catch.

In a Manish Malhotra sari

In a Manish Malhotra sari

Who sends her invites and why? At least Sophie Chaudhary has the decency to dress well.

PS: Raise your hand if you are missing Sonam Kapoor.

Poor Styling ke Side Effects

I don’t know if I want to give Vidya Balan points for trying, or chastise her for what she is wearing.

Shaadi_Ki_Side_Effects_8

Balan and Farhan during the trailer launch of Shaadi ke Side Effects.

That dress, I mean. Is it a dress, or did she forget to wear the salwar and decided to just fuck it and stop at Linking Road to pick up a black belt? Because no stylist in his/ her right mind would’ve given her a belt when her neckline has that much going on. Also, does the belt randomly stretch down her side like a sash-tail of some sorts? What happens when you run your fingers down it? Does it open a secret chamber? I am so utterly distraught by that outfit that I almost missed the towel Farhan Akhtar is holding… Presumable to wrap Vidya Balan in it so that we don’t have to see that outfit. Good on you, Farhan, at least someone has their priorities right.

The biggest unanswered question however, is in the next picture:

Shaadi_Ki_Side_Effects_11

Are those horribly mismatched shoes black stripes on white, or white stripes on black?

Run-away success

It’s interesting how films, despite what the reviews might say or even the box office, throw success parties within a week of their release. It’s good to see such positive attitude. It’s like celebrating your kid’s birthday before you could even conceive one or buying everyone drinks because you passed the exam weeks before appearing for it.

Farhan Akhtar and Sonam Kapoor attended the aforementioned success party of Bhaag Milkha Bhaag.

Sonam Kapoor in a James Ferreira gown carrying a Bottega Veneta clutch

Sonam in a James Ferreira gown carrying a Bottega Veneta clutch

I love the Grecian silhouette. There’s something romantic and soft about it. However, it could also very easily go into bed sheet territory. Sonam’s look stays firmly in the fashion area. I’d have liked to see her in something more formfitting, though. She’s got the body for it. Her makeup is perfect as is her clutch. She smartly wore flats because she feared the party would be as long as the film and standing in heels for five hours is a tough ask. Aside: As I searched for the image I came across a newspaper article that chastised Sonam for not painting her nails. The mainstream media does have its priorities in place.

I do remember Farhan as being a rather decent dresser but now I think he’s losing the plot. The man is wearing his windcheater indoors and there’s a tree growing out of his crotch. Come on, Farhan. You can do so much better. Now take off your raincoat and tee to get back into our good books.

Just another party

It’s a dry day today. It’s a Friday and it’s a dry day. Thanks a lot Maharashtra government. Don’t you have potholes to fill and streets to keep clean? This has got nothing to do with the post but since it has ruined my weekend I thought I’d spread the joy.

So Sanjay Kapoor threw a bash for his Bollywood buddies and I swear I cannot find what the occasion was. Maybe he knew beforehand that today was a dry day and decided to party well in advance. Good on you.

Karisma Kapoor

You know my thoughts on jumpsuits but do you know how I feel about jumpsuits with torn sleeves? Not very favourably. What’s the point of them? You either have sleeves or you don’t. This one would have made a great jumpsuit if it had a halter neck. Her shoes are the best part with the bright blue base. Just that I did not know that we now match our eye shadow to the bottom of our shoes. Thanks for that, Karisma.

Adhuna Akhtar

I’m not sure how I feel about leather. I think I like it in small doses as a belt or watchstrap. But an entire dress might be pushing it. How sweet of Farhan Akhtar (more on him) to match his shoes to Adhuna’s dress. Or wait, is that dress made of rexine!?

Sohail Khan

That’s a misleading message Sohail Khan’s gotten on his tee. The man does not try. At all. Not in life, fashion or work. That might actually be a good thing. One less talentless brother to deal with.

Dino Morea

Dino Morea was on kebab serving duty.

Nun Forrest. Nun.

They should call this movie Bhaag Sonam Bhaag, because she seems to be running from one movie promotional event to another. I like it how they dress in character at these shindigs, though when they do it for Ghanchakkar I feel like I’m recovering from drinking a lot of phenyl… I’m just glad no one we blog about has acted in Monsters Uni is all I am saying.

So this is what Sonam wore at Reality Show No 34: The Completely Original One about Dancing Which is Still Not As Good As So You Think You Can Dance.

sonkapkm05_full

Now, apart from the nun-vibes (which could be because I hear her romance with one of KJo’s minions isn’t working out) I quite like what she’s thrown together here. It’s elegant, and makes her look far more mature than her 20-something years, but the lace combats the sobering effect and gives the whole thing a touch of sexy. And the make up is spot-on, as you will see in this picture:

sonkapkmlead_full

So well done, Sonam. It’s not your worst. It’s making me want to drink some cold coffee, stat, but I won’t hold that against you.

Running wild and naked

Farhan Akhtar

I get that Farhan Akhtar is a trendsetter but just for once he could have toed the current trend of actors dressing as their characters during promotional events. Now, if this was Rock On!! or even Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara I’d understand the jacket and fedora but he’s promoting Bhaag Milkha Bhaag. So why is he not shirtless and running in slow motion towards the finish line aka my arms? I ask you, Universe. Why?