Oh so blue

Anushka Sharma – where has she been of late? – popped up to promote a whitening-blemish reducing-fragrance laced-world saving-poverty curing product that she’s the brand ambassador of.

In Oh My Love. As in "Oh My Love! What is she wearing!?"

In Oh My Love. As in “Oh My Love! What is she wearing!?”

The colour is actually nice on her and she carries the thigh-high slit well. The fit of the top-half is a little sloppy. Come on Anushka’s stylist, give her some definition. The lack of accessories and poorly-styled hair are not helping either. The shoes too lack funk.

Anushka Sharma1

The event was actually to announce the winners of a contest titled ‘Flaunt Your Back’ and that Anushka did. But where is the shape in the bottom-half?

Anushka was quoted as saying, “The contest has been amazing. The fact that you are encouraging women to be themselves and be confident is something that I vouch for.” This from a woman who endorses whitening everything. Sorry, cell repair.

Anushka Sharma

“You! Yes, you. My stylist. Are fired.”

Advertisements

IIFA Q – Part 2

Sophie Choudry

Sophie Choudry, that’s actually a nice gown but nobody cares. Seriously, why is she even issued a passport?

Sridevi

It’s great to see Sridevi not limiting herself to saris just because this is her ‘second innings’. Yet, I think she’s always a step away from getting it pitch perfect. There’s nothing wrong with this look. It’s a nice enough gown and fits her well but I don’t know. Is it the hair? Does she look a little disproportionate?

Sridevi1

It’s more pronounced here. Her bust just does not seem in keeping with the rest of her body.

Anushka sharma

Anushka Sharma’s bustline, on the other hand, is not doing its job well. Woman, eat something so you can grow a pair. Eat a pear even. Stop going from skinny to skinnier. Also, I hate your hair. Go bald and wait for it to grow out.

Vidya Balan

It’s no longer funny. Just sad. Very sad. It will never get better, will it?

Diana Penty

Diana Penty, you’re pretty and young. Wear a dress. Vaccinate yourself against Vidyabalansari-itis.

UPDATE: I’m slacking or am losing my eyesight or simply my mind. That’s not Diana Penty. It’s Pooja Kumar (Thanks Anj for pointing that out). She was in Vishwaroopam. You really can’t trust the internet these days. Still, darling, put on a dress.

Divya Dutta

Now, I don’t mind someone like Divya Dutta in a sari. I just have a problem when she looks like a cross dressing Aamir Khan.

Neha Dhupia

If you’ve not noticed, Neha Dhupia and we have a love-hate relationship. This might not be not her best work but I’m going to give it to her. Just because it stands out in the sea of gowns and saris. It’s very high-priestess-of-the-pantheon but I’m not going to speak ill of it. I’m not. Maybe… NO!

Lisa Haydon

Sigh. I’m going to kill myself by drowning in that pattern. Thanks a lot, Lisa Haydon. I feel so good about myself now.

Deepika Padukone

Ditto Deepika. My neck is thicker than her exposed thigh. Whatever. I’m going to console myself with the fact that her ‘Tamilian’ accent in Chennai Express is the film’s comic relief.

Only VMAI

Hey guys! It’s the MTV VMAS! You know, those awards about music videos, because India has such a thriving pop music industry, and MTV is so passionate about music, still, and the Loch Ness Monster is real, and you can get down at Kurla station to get to Middle Earth… I think I have made my point, here.

What I can’t make however, is a point about why Anushka Sharma decided that THIS was the best look for her.

Suddenly that scene where she has sex with Ranveer Singh in Band Baaja Baaraat is all wrong because pedophilia shouldn’t be depicted in such a graphic way in a Yashraj Movie because Pammi aunty will see and what she and the neighbours will think and HOLY SHIT THAT’S A GROWN UP ARYA STARK BECAUSE THAT *DOES* LOOK LIKE A HAIRCUT GIVEN BY A RANDOM BLACK BROTHER ON HIS WAY TO THE WALL WITH RAPERS AND MURDERERS AND THAT TOP LOOKS LIKE SHE MADE IT FROM A DEAD HEDGE KNIGHT’S MAIL.

And my GoT reference for the day is, officially, done.

Unfortunately, Sofia Hayat urges me to go on with this post.

For those who don’t know who Sofia Hayat is, she is India’s answer to Donatella Versace, because cheekbones so steep you can ski on them can only be the work of some plastic surgeon with a shop in London’s back alleys. I say London, because Wikipedia describes her as British and back alleys because Urban Dictionary describes her as a Honey Singh song.

“Do my boobs make me look fat?”

I like how she’s wearing a cross in her ear as if the Lord is not going to see what she’s wearing and rain fire and brimstone down on her.

I can see her titties… or can’t I? It’s a great optical illusion. Coming Soon – SOFIA HAYAT – CRISS ANGEL. (Because I have used her name to substitute for Mind Freak. Because, come on.)

I also like how there’s a hip hop artist’s skull around her waist, as if waiting for the fire and brimstone to rain on him and do nothing because he’s a skull and a rap artist and DEY LOVE DAT MOTHAFUCKIN FIRE! IT NO HURT DEM NO MOAH BECAUSE IT GOTS SOME MOTHAFUCKIN BLING Y’ALL…

I think that outfit has unhinged me.

Filmfare Nominations Party – Part Deux

(I used “deux” in the title because I’m haute couture. I used haute couture because I wanted to see you struggle pronouncing it. – Anuya)

Because Sri Devi’s, well, vintage like a bottle of wine, I will let it go that she doesn’t know that the “Bring your chihuahua to the Red Carpet!” trend has long been consigned to the back of everyone’s closet. Although, I’m sure that dyeing your pet to match your outfit constitutes SOME form of animal cruelty. ARE YOU READING THIS, PETA?

AND, I GOT THE FULL LENGTH. WISH I HADN’T, BOYS. WISH I HADN’T.

What gives with the pants, Padukone? Are you smuggling Tyrion Lannister under there? Blink once if yes. Blink twice if no. Then call your stylist and have her bike an emergency pair of skinny jeans over. You’re welcome.

“Well, hello beautiful.”

Speaking of Lannisters, here’s their sigil.

I like. Such an improvement from last year. She dressed her age, and the white and pink just brings out her own natural skin tone. Little weird in the boob-al support, but hey, you can’t have everything.

I like it when the young don’t take things too seriously and mix it up a little. This is your age to have some fun, go nuts with your clothes! Well done, Varun Malhotra/ Siddharth Dhavan whichever one you are.

What do you get when you mix a praying mantis and a Bollywood star and then dip them in cement? I think you know the answer to that.

Maar dala

So Anuya and I watched Jab Tak Hai Jaan (JTHJ) as homage to one of Bollywood’s greatest filmmakers but mostly because we needed an excuse to escape two hours of Laxmi Pooja. But after we stumbled out of, what felt like a five hour long film, we’d sit through many poojas and smoky havans.

While JTHJ had the makings of an epic romance, we were left cringing and at other times rolling our eyes at the stupidity and leaps of logic the film was throwing at us. I’ll take Anushka Sharma in short-shorts and a tank top at an army base in Kashmir but I draw the line at passing off an otherwise 47-year-old Shah Rukh Khan as a fresh off the boat 25-year-old.

But, like always, nobody ever listens to us and all of Bollywood turned out for the film’s premiere. Fashion-wise they fared only marginally better than the film’s storyline.

SRK has and will always be a ladies’ man and who can stop him when he looks so dapper in a bow tie? (Aside: How hot does he look as a brooding army officer in the film!?) Anushka looks great and for her sake I hope that’s a dress and not a pair of pants with very, very flared bottoms. If I did not know better I’d think that was Katrina Kaif’s wax statue that stopped by on its way to Madame Tussauds. In fact I think it’s her statue. Notice how it’s emoting. I’m not sure if that’s a sari or some sort of skirt with a lace overlay. If it’s the former then it’s safe to say that we no longer wear petticoats under our saris, ladies.

Akshay Kumar is not wearing socks and Twinkle Khanna is wearing her mother’s hair. Moving on…

See, this is what marriage does to you – you start dressing like each other. Kiran Rao seems to have adopted Aamir Khan’s polished, streamlined style in this basic but elegant LBD. Aamir, though, is wearing Kiran’s jogging pants.

Bipasha Basu as Sonam Kapoor’s style inspiration? I did not see this one coming.

It’s like Parineeti Chopra’s dress is slowly eating its way up. I wonder what she looked like at the end of the premiere. Morticia Addams would have been proud. I do like her red clutch, though.

I think I can officially start a pregnancy rumour. Yes?

Amisha Patel, I get it that you have boobs, lustrous locks and no acting talent. Must you flaunt all three in my unimpressed face?

Boys on bikes don’t wear velvet

Shahrukh Khan promoting his film about a love story between a guy (Anushka Sharma) and his bike

I fail to grasp the concept of promoting every aspect of a film. Shahrukh Khan is here to pimp, not just his film Jab Tak Hai Jaan (which actually might be the best and worst ad for the Classic 500), but a song from the film. What can we expect next? A press conference for the opening credits or the film’s interval getting its own reality series?

So, anyway he wore a velvet jacket for this momentous event. I know famous people do not go through the same trials that mere mortals like us suffer, like this crazy-ass weather, and hence can afford to wear velvet. It’s a great cut and fits well but something about a guy wearing velvet is off-putting. Am I being sexist? Yes. But I don’t have a soft spot for Shahrukh or velvet. And especially not if he’s wearing Mohabbatein pants.