Taking cover – Alia and Sidharth

vogue cover

What is up with Vogue? They put people in chaddis on their cover and label them as cute. That’s the wrong adjective, Vogue. Could you not think of anything else?

You know what, maybe Alia Bhatt and Sidharth Malhotra are cute on the inside (of the magazine. Not on the inside as people. Actually, maybe they are goofballs as people. I don’t know their lives). The video sure has them goofing around.

vogue cover2But the photos are anything but cute.

London bound

Another day, another Shaandaar-related event and another Alia Bhatt and Shahid Kapoor beard sighting. Shahid’s beard, not Alia’s. You can’t really see Alia’s beard. That’s if she has one. Which I highly doubt.

Alia

I’m looking at Alia’s skirt and thinking that it’s got a pretty cool print of erstwhile telephone booths and then I see that it’s also got print of a double-decker bus. So, I’m like, Wow they are putting prints of Andheri East on skirts seeing as how double-deckers still ply there. But then I found out that Alia and Shahid were at a Visit Britain press conference. Which means the print is London. Which, you know, is a very smart choice.

Alia is in Chicwish.

I scream

I could do with something cool right now.

I don’t know if this has anything to do with the print on Alia Bhatt’s ASOS dress or the fact that Shahid Kapoor’s beard is talking dirty to me.

Can Shaandaar hurry up and release already.

Grin and Bear It

I like it that their faces are so fake gleeful, almost as if they’re grinning through the pain of being in a movie that looks like a My Little Pony tribute-sequel to a Raju Chacha.  That trailer is so nauseatingly colourful, even Alia’s t-shirt had to shut its eyes because it couldn’t take it anymore (Read all about it in its autobiography, T-Shirt Ki Atmakatha, coming soon to an exam near you.) If I were Shahid/ Alia, I’d have sworn off colour too.

Guys, don’t worry, I have a black and white filter on Instagram all ready for you.

Humpty and Dumb-ty

The title has nothing to do with the post. I just wanted to crack that joke about dumbness.

Alia Bhatt and Varun Dhawan braved a wet day to launch the unplugged version of Samjhawan, a song from Humpty Sharma ki Dulhania. Please take notice. This is how much Bollywood is paying attention to the details of marketing a film – they are promoting an unplugged version of a single song. Now, only if this detailing extended to the actual filmmaking process.

In a Veda Raheja crop top and Zara shorts

In a Veda Raheja crop top and Zara shorts

The good part about Alia’s style is that at most times she dresses her age. The hot pants (Argh! I hate that term.) and crop top combo works just fine. The hat is a bit too much for me but maybe, it gives the look that edge.

varun dhawan, alia bhatt

Now, Varun’s style comes across like he’s trying too hard. Don’t get me wrong. I love the leather jacket with the skinny tie. In fact, I love it so much that I’m going to recommend the look to all the guys I know. Starting with my retired father. But somehow, I feel like he’s forcing his whole style icon, hero status onto us. Back off a little, Varun.

Back to school

Alia Bhatt and Varun Dhawan dropped by HR College, Town to promote Humpty Sharma ki Dulhania because when you are in college you are so obviously thinking about who your dulhania will be and how to score her. I bet that whoever bunked class that day is kicking their Facebook selves.

Since Alia never really got a chance to complete her college education, here she plays out an average day in an average college girl’s life.

Alia

Alia, wearing a leather skater skirt and a French Connection top with a very disturbing message, like all average college girls do, spots a hot boy in the corridor.

Varun, Alia

Her boyfriend, a stud from Lokhandwala, Suburbs, spots her nefarious activity and swears to jaan se maar that boy.

Varun, Alia1

Alia discovers she has a presentation due right now and refuses to go to class.

Varun, Alia3

Lokhandwala Boyfriend joins her in front of the class for moral support.

Varun

Then takes over with teacher of Bollywood Reviewology, Prof Rajeev Masand looking on.

Varun, Alia4

All ends well that ends… well, with a teacher-student photo op.

1-28

Varun: Dus Bahane Karke Le Gaye Dil… Le Gaye Dil…

Alia: Aye ji, ooohhh ji… Hang on. Dus Bahane? That was *not* in the brief.

Varun: Neither were matching clothes. But we showed them there!

Alia: But I look fantastic. I even have wine-coloured lipstick on… pretty sure there’s a meme somewhere in which I tell people that I believe wine-coloured lipstick is made of wine.

Varun: Well… do you?

Alia: Bitch please, I know it’s made of grapes.

Varun: Do you ever wonder if grapes are like, tree-balls?

Alia: WHAT?

Varun: Nothing. I like your boots. You look supercute.

Alia: Thanks! You do too! Despite that haircut. Like, why? Why did you cut it so short? Are you joining the Army? Are we at war? OMG is Game Of Thrones real? WHAT MAKES SCOOBY AND SHAGGY SO COOL?

 

I’m totally a little high from this lipstick.

 

 

 

2 to Tango

Alia and Arjun promoting 2 States in various states of duress

Alia and Arjun promoting 2 States in various states of duress

All you naysayers can suck it because Thane has officially arrived. Alia Bhatt and Arjun Kapoor are only a few of the stars who stopped by (at Korum Mall) to promote their films, vindicating Thane and proving that it is a place worth visiting… to promote your film. Yes, I grew up in Thane. How did you guess? And no, we don’t want to be a part of Bombay anyway.

But I do have a point to make. That being, the zippers on the back on her jacket might not serve any actual purpose but they do jazz up a plain black jacket. Ok, fine. That’s not why I chose this picture. I picked it purely for the hilarious pose they are in. I suspect they are dancing to Saree Ke Fall Sa.

Roadkill

Alia Bhatt

There, there, Alia Bhatt.

Alia Bhatt, Imtiaz Ali

I get it. I too would gladly put a bullet to my head if my sense of style even remotely resembled Imtiaz Ali’s and I had to borrow Randeep Hooda’s trousers with no time to hem them in.

Alia, take solace in the fact that you have better hair than your director and can walk around town with little to no makeup.

Filmfare nominations orgy

Filmfare held a nomination bash to celebrate the nominees (duh!) after which the actual awards function will take place followed by an after-party and all the festivities will be capped off with a roaring party for all the losers, hosted by Vivek Oberoi, because have you seen Krrish 3?

Sonam Kapoor in Anushka Khanna

Sonam Kapoor in Anushka Khanna

I guess all of you raised your hands high enough and waved them frantically enough because here she is.

Aditi Rao Hydari

Aditi Rao Hydari

That’s a fancy sailor’s uniform, miss. What oil rig you work at?

Wearing a Pankaj & Nidhi dress

Wearing a Pankaj & Nidhi dress

Does Deepika Padukone know there is a leaking nib on her crotch? Maybe Ranveer can clean it up with his suit. That’s the only good use of it that I can think of.

In my grandfather's suit

In my grandfather’s suit

Yes, Ranveer Singh, we get it. You are allegedly Deepika’s man and hence, in your head, have arrived. Which absolves you from having to make an effort. But the fact that she does make an effort ought to be a telling sign.

Richa Chadda

Richa Chadda

Like most times, my foot has come back to shove itself into my mouth. I take back everything I said about ‘some’ people not being able to pull-off gowns well. Because something is being pulled somewhere within that gown.

In an Alexander McQueen gown

In an Alexander McQueen gown

Ah! We’ve all been young and stupid but have managed to come out unscathed. I suppose what does not kill you only makes you more skeptical. It’s only Alia Bhatt’s youth that lets her pull off the look with minimal makeup and accessories.

Divya Dutta

Divya Dutta

Ok, so maybe she does not need to drown this particular attire but she still needs to take a little vaccy.

In a Shivan & Narresh sari

Huma Qureshi in a Shivan & Narresh sari

The drape of the gown (which actually is a sari that her stylist transformed into a gown) gives me the feeling that she’s going to get on her knees and start scrubbing the floors while asking me to increase her paggar.

Jacqueline Fernandez in Emilio Pucci and in your dreams, sucker!

Jacqueline Fernandez in Emilio Pucci and in your dreams, sucker!

Now, on the other hand… this one on her knees…. I’m going to stop now. My family reads this blog.

Kalki Koechlin in Gaurav Gupta

Kalki Koechlin in Gaurav Gupta

I guess if you must go classy and all I-don’t-care-that-I’m-going-through-a-divorce-with-someone-who-pioneered-the-new-wave-of-Indian-cinema, this is the best way to dress. Sassy yet elegant. Making an effort but not too much of it.

Nimrat Kaur in an Anand Kabra web print gown

Nimrat Kaur in an Anand Kabra web print gown

This ensemble comes to you from the House of Spiderman. If you look closely at the intricate webbing, it’s an ode to Peter Parker’s superpowers and the boxy fit… that’s just a bad fit.

In a jhagmag Namrata Joshipura suit

In a jhagmag Namrata Joshipura suit

Shruti Hassan attended as a Sindhi businessman on the verge of a breakthrough deal.

Sophie Choudry in a Pankaj & Nidhi jacket

Wearing a Pankaj & Nidhi jacket

Sophie Choudary borrowed P.C. Sorcar’s coat and managed to make it look fashionable.