Priyanka’s Oscar gown so white

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Priyanka Chopra attended the 88th Academy Awards and killed it in her Zuhair Murad.

It was strapless, it was sheer and it was amazing. The conservative aunties would blush at the amount of sheer but not question anyone’s upbringing. Basically, I’m saying it was sheer but not Beyoncé sheer. Beyoncé sheer is not bad. Sheer is sheer, I guess.

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Someone commented that this was the perfect dress for her, that it looks like it was made for her. I completely agree.

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Priyanka kept her styling simple with a dark (but not too dark) lip and a ponytail. Yup, she made a ponytail work for a zillion dollar gown.

And speaking of zillion dollars, check out her Lorraine Schwartz jewellery which costs some EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS!

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She then attended the Vanity Fair party in a sequin Jenny Packham. She got time to change her make-up and earrings as well. I get this Jenny Packham gown. I mean after that clingy strapless Zuhair Murad, this column gown with the slit at the bust must feel like coming up for air.

I just hope she did not shimmy too hard on the dance floor.

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Cannes ki Kahaani – Madame M edition

I know we should not have expected much from Mallika Sherawat if her last showing at Cannes is any indication but a girl can dream.

In a lace Emilio Pucci

In a lace Emilio Pucci

This one is so blah and che and meh and all the other articulate adjectives for boring that we have to come up with words to describe it. I’m just glad that people are going ape shit over the election results otherwise I would seriously have died of boredom.

FRANCE-ENTERTAINMENT-CANNES-FILM-FESTIVALThe colour is a pleasant one, leaning towards teal. Or maybe it is exactly teal. I don’t mind THIS much lace because she seems to carry it off fine. The peek-a-boo neckline is a reminder of the life Mallika has left behind. Sigh. Those were the good days.

Cannes ki Kahaani 2014 – Opening

The 67th Cannes Film Festival opened with Nicole Kidman’s Grace de Monaco. The reviews are not very favourable. But, I believe, that has nothing to do with the film itself but with the fact that Uday Chopra, the head of Yash Raj’s international wing, is co-presenting the film. Which means that he was present at the festival and honestly, I am a little disappointed that he did not come dressed as Ali from the Dhoom series.

Uday Chopra

He stood at the far end of the line in a simple, light suit that all present were skeptical about.

Uday-Panel

But that could be because they were not quite sure who he exactly was. And so a panel was called to discuss his identity.

Uday-Nicole

Finally they figured who he was and Nicole Kidman (in Altuzarra) labelled him with a word we have been associating with him for a long time now.

Uday Chopra1

Let’s all raise our glasses to that now, shall we?

Aside: He does clean up alright, though.

Grazia Young Fashion Awards

The Grazia (A guy friend pronounced it as grey-zee-ya and that’s how I’ve saved his number.) Young Fashion Awards were held and the, seemingly, fashionable people of the industry were in attendance.

Sonam is all the coolest brands

Sonam in all the coolest brands

Sonam Kapoor, as always, wore all of Paris Fashion Week. That’s a Jean Paul Gaultier suit, a Chanel bag, a Givenchy necklace and Alexander McQueen shoes. Even if she wanted to go all androgyny on us she could have had her person take the jacket in an inch or two.

In Nikhil Thampi

Esha Gupta in Nikhil Thampi

I always wonder about innerwear whenever I see a dress with such a high slit. Going commando might be too risky so do they wear a thong with sides that go really high or is there a stick on silicone underwear that holds everything in place like bras do? So many questions such little importance. In all this, I almost missed the gorgeous zipper detailing on the thigh.

Wearing Namrata Joshipura

Wearing Namrata Joshipura

I know that as an, allegedly, self-actualised woman I am supposed to be comfortable in my own skin but Lisa Haydon’s sheer perfection is making that very difficult. She just makes the rest of us look like dog shit.

In a Vivienne Westwood dress

In a Vivienne Westwood dress

That’s a supremely cute dress. Richa Chadda does not do cute. She should give it a shot more often, though. Also, she could try an expression that’s not one of cold impatience.

In In Farah Sanjana

In Farah Sanjana

Priyanka Bose’s (Johnny Gaddaar, Guzaarish) maxi is so far whacked-out that I might just like it. Incidentally, my father came back with a similar image when he went to see the flamingos at Sewri.

Anushka Manchanda in Anand Bhushan

Anushka Manchanda in Anand Bhushan

It was awfully quiet this weekend near my house. Now I know why.  The guys in my wadi could not play their game of volleyball because they could not find their net.

In Pankaj and Nidhi

In Pankaj and Nidhi

The dress is perfect and age-appropriate and weather-appropriate on Shraddha Kapoor. It’s the styling that falters a little. A black clutch with nude shoes and nude-r lips? What happened to good old fuchsia?

A reminder in case we forget the real issues in life

A reminder in case we forget the real issues in life

Tisca Chopra’s hair is playing spoilsport so you can’t clearly read what’s written. It reads ‘#Selfie’ and it’s by the brand Huemn. So, get this – a design house designed a t-shirt with a print that reads #Selfie (which is what Anuya does all the time when she is not thinking about taking a selfie) and Tisca, who seems like an intelligent person, chose to wear it. Willingly.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gauri & Nainika and a Manish Arora statement neckpiece   

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gauri & Nainika and a Manish Arora statement neckpiece

Don’t be deceived, dear people. That is no gown. It’s a draped jumpsuit. If a jumpsuit is going to such lengths to camouflage its true identity, is it not better off as a gown?

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

The blouse would make Silk Smitha very proud and her pants are dying to be worn by Aladdin. But seriously, what is going on here? Are her pants trying to run away from the horror of the top starting with the crotch? Or her top is so grossed out by the pants that it has physically recoiled from the waistband? Only her shoes seem content in their oblivion.

Poorna Jagannathan in Gaurav Gupta

Poorna Jagannathan in Gaurav Gupta

Lamé in small doses is something I can handle but give it to me in an entire gown, draped over a few times and I’m going to want to put it through the shredder.

Sonal Chauhan in a Nikasha Lulla monstrosity

Sonal Chauhan in a Nishka Lulla monstrosity

Now this one just wants to make me jump with joy… off a cliff. Quick question. Nishka Lulla and Sonal Chauhan, should I hand you the gun or will you guys take care of this yourselves?

Bollywood's future

Bollywood’s future

When I saw this image I was like, “Wow! Someone is actually doing the whole princess thing in public and not just the demure Kate Middleton kind but the actual tiara and gown variety and that too in Bombay.” And then I looked closer and saw that these were the Femina Miss India winners and they HAVE to dress like this until they sign their first Bollywood film. So yeah, thanks for shattering my hopes, ladies.

IIFA-Q chale Amerika

Celebrities gathered for an IIFA press meet. The IFFAs will take place in Madhuri Dixit’s hometown of America.

Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor

Kareena Kapoor Khan: Really, Saif? I can’t believe I let you out of the house looking so overwhelmingly under dressed.

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Saif Ali Khan: You’re the one to talk. You have skunk skin on for a kurta.

IIFAKareena: Come back, Saifu. I was just joking, bro. Don’t take it so personally.

Saif: Personally? I’ll show you personal.

IFFA2Saif: Muah!

Kareena: Oh! Two can play this game, you know?

IIFA1Kareena: Muah!

Saif: Damn! I should leave the house badly dressed more often.

Anil Kapoor, Madhuri DixitMadhuri Dixit: Ah, yeh aaj kal ke bache. I don’t know what Saif’s problem is. That’s a lovely kurta with cute buttons on the shoulder.

Anil Kapoor: Hmm…

Madhuri: Is it just me or do we actually look younger than them? I mean, I know we had much better chemistry in Parinda and Beta than they ever had in Kurbaan.

Anil: Jhakaas!

It’s not over

I thought we had recovered from Awards Season flu but evidently not. We had the Zee Cine Awards to go. I’m sure a bunch of the same people won the same awards and it was all same-same but different somehow.

Sonakshi Sinha in Gauri & Nainika

Sonakshi Sinha in Gauri and Nainika

That’s an attention seeking dress. It would have been just fine without the black hangy-things but no, it craved DRAMA and now it’s slightly drunk and has dirty danced all alone and every girl hates it and the guys are amused by it. I like the wicked Manish Arora headband, though.

Genelia D'Souza in a Rohit Bal anarkali

Genelia D’Souza in a Rohit Bal anarkali

She better have a great excuse for dressing up like this. Pregnancy, maybe?

Deepika Padukone wearing Naeem Khan

Deepika Padukone wearing Naeem Khan

She better have a great reason for that headpiece. Insanity?

Vaani Kapoor in a Varun Bahl sari

Vaani Kapoor in a Varun Bahl sari

A Facebook friend wore a similar look to Amit wedS Paayal ❤ 🙂 🙂 ❤

Priyanka Chopra in a Jade sari

Priyanka Chopra in a Jade sari

Is A-okay.

Adhuna with husband Farhan Akhtar. See what I did there

Adhuna with husband Farhan Akhtar. See what I did there?

Complete respect for Adhuna. I can only imagine the number of panties that get mailed to their home every day. And she seems like she’ll be all ‘meh’ about it. And then leave the house looking nothing but awesome and exactly how she wants to.

Yami Gautam in a Sonakshi Raaj fishtail gown

Yami Gautam in a Sonakshi Raaj fishtail gown

It’s a great colour and the bottom-half fits well but the bodice is too structured. Like her boobies have got their very own cage.

Amrita Rao wearing a Monica & Karishma creation

Amrita Rao wearing a Monica & Karishma creation

What is it with Amrita Rao and her stylist? They can never get it bang on. There’s always something amiss like a stale prawn biryani. It’s biryani and it’s prawns – a great combination – but they are stale. I’m not apologising for that analogy. It’s lunch time.

Priyanka Alva and Vivek Oberoi

Priyanka Alva and Vivek Oberoi

They are the anti Posh and Becks. They are Pinky and Vics from Jogeshwari.

With Javed Akhtar

With Javed Akhtar

Clearly, Shabana Azmi’s style inspiration is an African tribal chieftain.

Filmfare Awards

The Filmfare Awards took place for the 59th time – coincidentally, that’s Rekha’s current age and the age Shah Rukh Khan will never mature to in a Karan Johar film.

Gone with the wind in a in Gaurav Gupta

Gone with the wind in a Gaurav Gupta

A huge hurricane named Katrina blew Deepika Padukone’s dress away and as a result there are very few images of her right profile.

Aside: Why is her stylist referring to the Golden Globes look book and putting her in dresses that have got enough press and for all the wrong reasons? Lady Victoria Hervey, an Englishman’s answer to Queenie Dhody, wore the same dress to the Globes this year and not many thought she was victorious.

In Alexander McQueen

Priyanka Chopra in Alexander McQueen

This one is the rebellious cousin of Deepika’s church-going one (see link above). The pockets look like they are set afire by gold leaves and I would not be surprised if Deepika grabbed Priyanka and put her on her mantel mistaking her for the best actress trophy. Oh shit spoilers! Ah well, you’ll live.

That's a Louis Vuitton orgy happening on him

That’s a Louis Vuitton orgy happening on Ranveer Singh

I’m going to smoke up and watch the pattern come to life and try to strangle the teddy bear on his loafers. I suggest you do the same.

Kajol in a Nandita Mahtani gown

Kajol in a Nandita Mahtani gown

This is a great movie star shot. Unfortunately what she has on is not. I suspect she dropped her kids at the babysitter’s in her nightie and realised there was not enough time so she strapped on a belt and made it in time for this photo.

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

This one might as well be called Ruffle Lays.

Huma Qureshi in Gauri & Nainika

Huma Qureshi in Gauri & Nainika

And this one too. Ruffle Lays Magic Masala.

Preity Zinta in an extremely similar Gauri & Nainika too

Preity Zinta in an extremely similar Gauri & Nainika

Another movie star shot and another Ruffle Lays, this one Magic Masala with Tazos inside.

Dia Mirza in a very confusing Shantanu & Nikhil

Dia Mirza in a very confusing Shantanu & Nikhil

You can’t see from this angle but what she has on is a cropped top, leggings and a Lannister cloak worn as a nauvari sari.

Rekha doing her thang, y'all

Rekha doing her thang, y’all

That’s all the cloth of gold the Lannisters ever owned.

Neha Dhupia in a blouse by Payal Singhal and an Anju Modi skirt

Neha Dhupia in a blouse by Payal Singhal and an Anju Modi skirt

I’ll take it. And maybe lose the neckpieces and add earrings. But I’ll take it.

Karisma Kapoor in  Anamika Khanna

Karisma Kapoor in Anamika Khanna

The dress is the equivalent of a drunken Punjabi wedding where no one knows what the fuck is happening but everyone is in good spirits.

Kalki Koechlin in a lot of Sabyasachi

Kalki Koechlin in a lot of Sabyasachi

Yes, she is mourning the demise of her marriage. How did you guess?

A note to Sabyasachi and all those who wear him: Allow me to introduce you to the concept of a streamlined silhouette. This bada hai toh behtar hai philosophy does not work every time.

wearing a gorgeous Nikhil Thampi

Vaani Kapoor wearing a gorgeous Nikhil Thampi

I mean, if I had a body like that I too would wear as minimal clothes as possible. Let’s see what the valet guy is gawking at so intently.

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Work it, girl.

Richa Chadda in a Hervé Léger

Richa Chadda in a Hervé Léger

This dress is stupid. It’s drag-racing-drunk-without-a-seat-belt stupid. It’s a bandage dress with a whole carton of Ruffle Lays on it. The idea of a bandage dress is to show off the wearer’s figure so why would you cover it in cheap cake frosting? I blame the designer for this one. Her styling is not helping either.

Amrita Rao in a Payal Singhal sari

Amrita Rao in a Payal Singhal sari

Does she not remind you of a child actor from the ’50s who had an illustrious career playing a boy but when puberty hit no one knew what to do with her so now she is married to a producer 20 years her senior?

Nimrat Kaur wearing a Shehlaa sari

Nimrat Kaur wearing a Shehlaa sari

And that’s her pushy mother trying to relive her glamour days through her child. I mean this in the best possible way because she looks so old school Bollywood chic.

Emilio Pucci on Ileana D'cruz

Emilio Pucci on Ileana D’cruz (that reads weird)

Her extra long sleeves are spreading their lacy tentacles all across her body and soon she’ll star as Venom in a feminist remake of Spider-Man where the protagonist makes it her mission to rid the world of cobwebs.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gaurav Gupta

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gaurav Gupta

The shoes she can courier me the rest she can burn, starting with that appliqué patch on her head.

Prachi Desai in Swapnil Shinde (that reads weird)

Prachi Desai in Swapnil Shinde

Bani Dixit (bet you did not know that was her surname) sexing it up? Hmmm… What would Mr Walia say?

Sophie Choudry in BCBG which sounds like an acronym for a bunch of Hindi gaalis

Sophie Choudry in BCBG which sounds like an acronym for a bunch of Hindi gaalis

Sophie Choudry did her bit to revive the age-old art of letter writing by encasing her twins in envelop flaps.

Konkona Sen Sharma drowning in a Rohit Bal anarkali

Konkona Sen Sharma drowning in a Rohit Bal anarkali

The white and gold combination is what you would normally wear to a Malayalee wedding along with gold in your weight, of course. But even by those standards this is too much gold.

Kajal Aggarwal in Monisha Jaising bling

Kajal Aggarwal in Monisha Jaising bling

I don’t believe the dress was stitched onto her, neither is there a JFK in sight and it’s definitely not his birthday.

Tamannah in Gauri & Nainika

Tamannah in Gauri & Nainika

She knows the dress is great and hence the smirk. Can we all say drama together?

Bruna Abdullah

Bruna Abdullah

Bruna Abdullah (you know her from…Google it, ya) is already so tall that the border of this anarkali is making her look like she is standing on stilts. Like she was the carnival attraction at Filmfare.

Chunky Pandey killing it

Chunky Pandey killing it

Bangladesh’s superstar was especially flown in to host the Red Carpet. If you ask me, Bollywood’s loss is Bangllywood’s (that’s what their industry is called, right?) gain. And this is Bollywood’s way of inviting him back into their fold but it’s too little too late, guys. We have lost a national treasure, especially when he looks this dapper.

Hosts Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir Kapoor

Hosts Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir Kapoor

Maybe if this was the pairing of Love Story 2050, life would have been very different.

Star Guilt Awards

Same shit, another day, different outfits.

Huma Qureshi in a Gauri and Nainika gown

Huma Qureshi in a Gauri and Nainika gown

Where is the rest of her coven? Having the valet park their broomsticks?

Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor

Ranveer Singh in Gucci and Arjun Kapoor in cocked eyebrows

I suppose Ranveer Singh does clean up good. But since when has rubbing tambacoo become dapper?

In a lehenga by Shehlaa

In a lehenga by Shehlaa

This attire would make perfect sense if Deepika Padukone’s top-half was starring in a film about a naughty school girl and her bottom-half was playing the lead role of a gaon ki gori. And her midriff had its own porn series.

In Nachiket Barve

In Nachiket Barve

That’s Divya Khosla Kumar, the director of Yaariyan. Her stylist paid good money for Nirupa Roy and Noorie’s second hand sari. I guess, they thought it was vintage along with it being film memorabilia.

In Rachel Roy and Steve Madden peep toes

In a Rachel Roy jumpsuit and Steve Madden peep toes

Shit! If Sonakshi Sinha continues to dress like this, I will be out of a job and will have to retire to the hills where all I’ll do through the day is plot my revenge against her for making an honest woman out of me. She looks great. Ouch! I think I just burned my fingers typing that because what she actually looks great in is a jumpsuit. I’m going to give myself the pink slip now.

Sunny Leone rocking the hell out of this one

Sunny Leone rocking the hell out of this one

Sunny Leone in and as Anal: The Little Mermaid.

In Nikhil Thampi (he's been having a good awards season)

Vaani Kapoor in Nikhil Thampi (he’s been having a good awards season, no?)

That dress is the fashion equivalent of Inception. I have no clue what is going on but I like it and am going to stay till the end credits because…

Vaani Kapoor-back… this is what they look like.

Prabhu Deva

Prabhu Deva

I never pegged him to be much of a dresser but here he is. I’m loving the purple pocket square as much as his dance-y pose. Never change, Prabhu Deva. Never. Except when you decide to make certain ‘princely’ films.

In a Varun Bahl sari

In a Varun Bahl sari

Richa Chadda played it way too safe with this one. She should have let the peacock feathers extend into a full-blown fan behind her head. Don’t deny us some drama, lady.

Shah Rukh Khan

Shah Rukh Khan

How bad can it be? You are Shah Rukh Khan for crying out loud. Smile a little, will you? You are in well-fitted suit and sometimes that’s all a guy really needs.

Kareena Kapoor in Namrata Joshipura

Kareena Kapoor in Namrata Joshipura

I don’t hate it but I don’t want to get it drunk and make sweet, sweet love to it either. I’m sure Saif Ali Khan will share my sentiments.

In Donna Karan

In Donna Karan

If I saw this in the store I’d point out to the salesperson that there are way too many threads hanging and that the finishing is bad at which point he would tell me I did not get high fashion and would proceed to sell it to the next customer. Shraddha Kapoor. But she does look ok. Sort of.

Jacqueline Fernandez in Anand Kabra

Jacqueline Fernandez in Anand Kabra

I always wonder what or who stars are hiding when they come all covered-up to events.

Filmfare nominations orgy

Filmfare held a nomination bash to celebrate the nominees (duh!) after which the actual awards function will take place followed by an after-party and all the festivities will be capped off with a roaring party for all the losers, hosted by Vivek Oberoi, because have you seen Krrish 3?

Sonam Kapoor in Anushka Khanna

Sonam Kapoor in Anushka Khanna

I guess all of you raised your hands high enough and waved them frantically enough because here she is.

Aditi Rao Hydari

Aditi Rao Hydari

That’s a fancy sailor’s uniform, miss. What oil rig you work at?

Wearing a Pankaj & Nidhi dress

Wearing a Pankaj & Nidhi dress

Does Deepika Padukone know there is a leaking nib on her crotch? Maybe Ranveer can clean it up with his suit. That’s the only good use of it that I can think of.

In my grandfather's suit

In my grandfather’s suit

Yes, Ranveer Singh, we get it. You are allegedly Deepika’s man and hence, in your head, have arrived. Which absolves you from having to make an effort. But the fact that she does make an effort ought to be a telling sign.

Richa Chadda

Richa Chadda

Like most times, my foot has come back to shove itself into my mouth. I take back everything I said about ‘some’ people not being able to pull-off gowns well. Because something is being pulled somewhere within that gown.

In an Alexander McQueen gown

In an Alexander McQueen gown

Ah! We’ve all been young and stupid but have managed to come out unscathed. I suppose what does not kill you only makes you more skeptical. It’s only Alia Bhatt’s youth that lets her pull off the look with minimal makeup and accessories.

Divya Dutta

Divya Dutta

Ok, so maybe she does not need to drown this particular attire but she still needs to take a little vaccy.

In a Shivan & Narresh sari

Huma Qureshi in a Shivan & Narresh sari

The drape of the gown (which actually is a sari that her stylist transformed into a gown) gives me the feeling that she’s going to get on her knees and start scrubbing the floors while asking me to increase her paggar.

Jacqueline Fernandez in Emilio Pucci and in your dreams, sucker!

Jacqueline Fernandez in Emilio Pucci and in your dreams, sucker!

Now, on the other hand… this one on her knees…. I’m going to stop now. My family reads this blog.

Kalki Koechlin in Gaurav Gupta

Kalki Koechlin in Gaurav Gupta

I guess if you must go classy and all I-don’t-care-that-I’m-going-through-a-divorce-with-someone-who-pioneered-the-new-wave-of-Indian-cinema, this is the best way to dress. Sassy yet elegant. Making an effort but not too much of it.

Nimrat Kaur in an Anand Kabra web print gown

Nimrat Kaur in an Anand Kabra web print gown

This ensemble comes to you from the House of Spiderman. If you look closely at the intricate webbing, it’s an ode to Peter Parker’s superpowers and the boxy fit… that’s just a bad fit.

In a jhagmag Namrata Joshipura suit

In a jhagmag Namrata Joshipura suit

Shruti Hassan attended as a Sindhi businessman on the verge of a breakthrough deal.

Sophie Choudry in a Pankaj & Nidhi jacket

Wearing a Pankaj & Nidhi jacket

Sophie Choudary borrowed P.C. Sorcar’s coat and managed to make it look fashionable.

Screen Awards red carpet

The Screen Awards took place and we all held our breath just waiting to know who went home with the coveted trophy. But when it comes to the telecast, we don’t have a seven second delay but more like a seven week delay. So you will have to wait a little longer to know the winners. Or you could just Google it. Whatever.

Abhay Deol and Preeti Desai

Abhay Deol and Preeti Desai in a Bare in Black gown

This couples’ tanning thing really works. A little too well.

Adhuna and Farhan Akhtar

Adhuna and Farhan Akhtar

I love Adhuna’s quirky sense of style. It’s like her way of rebelling against the ‘star-wife’ label. More power to you, girl. And that is how you wear a velvet waistcoat with Jodhpur-ish pants.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Harsh Harsh

Aditi Rao Hydari in Harsh Harsh

This needs something more happening. It all seems very flat and sort of like a snorefest.

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

Dude, is that a full and final velvet gown!? Talk about subtle use of fabric.

Bipasha Basu in Manish Malhotra

Bipasha Basu in Manish Malhotra

And that is how you wear velvet and an anarkali. In small doses and with less ghera, respectively. She really is looking good, no? Maybe marriage is the answer.

Boman Irani

Boman Irani

Yes, I will shake your hand but only because you are awesome.

Chitrangda Singh in Dior

Chitrangda Singh in Dior

If her last look was all about drama this is a little anticlimatic. Maybe another colour or a more glamorous hairstyle would have worked. But don’t worry, Chitrangda, the world (my amma and I) still loves you.

Deepika Padukone in Alexander McQueen

Deepika Padukone in Alexander McQueen

I suspect this one has gone a little wrong. I can’t point out why exactly. But feel is not coming. Like kuch kuch nahi hota hai when I see this gown. Could it be because Kate Hudson wore it to the Golden Globes LAST YEAR?

Divya Dutta

Divya Dutta

Take a beach holiday, woman and go drown that attire while you are at it.

Yo Yo Honey Singh

Yo Yo Honey Singh

He is making some very rude gestures but given the nature of his lyrics I should not be surprised.

Huma Qureshi

Huma Qureshi in Nikhil Thampi

Yes, the sun really does shine out of Huma Qureshi’s ear. Even Kalki Koechlin seems to think so…

Kalki in Nikhil Thampi

Kalki in Nikhil Thampi too

We get it. Huma is not responsible for Kalki’s divorce. You guys are the best of friends and you, Kalki, even helped Huma into that earpiece type-thingy. That ornament has a legitimate name but I’ve forgotten it. And I refuse to Google it since the Internet and I are currently in a complicated relationship.

This is one of Huma’s better looks. The dress fits her curves well and for once her hair is doing good things. But I’m thinking I should just give up on cribbing whenever people bastardise the sari. I can see Kalki’s leg. Should she not be wearing a petticoat underneath? My grandmother would not approve.

Juhi Chawla

Juhi Chawla

Why is she still promoting Son of Sardar?

In Shantanu & Nikhil

In Shantanu & Nikhil

No, no, no. Kajol, don’t fall back into your old trap. You were doing so well. This look seems so closed-up and nun-like. Unless… she is trying to cover a big old hickey. That’s one expensive way of doing it, if you ask me. Just paste on a bandage next time.

In Ranna Gill

In Ranna Gill

Look who’s back! And I have nothing unpleasant to say about Neha Dhupia. Except maybe… actually, no. But, I do want to wake up next to that cuff every morning and bring it breakfast in bed.

Nimrat Kaur

Nimrat Kaur

I’m loving the hint of boobies, sorry décolletage and the hair pulled away to show them off. Yet, I’m unsure of the puffed sleeves.

Ranveer Singh

Ranveer Singh

The velvet jacket with the waistcoat seems a bit much. Like it was initially a three-piece tux, but since he is Ranveer Singh and eccentric and all that, his stylist chose the blue jacket.

Wearing Innana by Monica & Karishma

Wearing Monica & Karishma

Do you think it’s just that some people can’t pull-off gowns as well as others can? There really is nothing horrifyingly wrong with the look, apart from the fact that the pattern overwhelms and the stylist should have put her hair up. As in Richa Chadda’s.

Sona Mohapatra

Sona Mohapatra

This is how Anarkali (the person, not the trend) must have looked and felt like when the last brick was laid.

In an Amit GT gown

In an Amit GT gown

I don’t know what Sonakshi Sinha or her stylist have been smoking but pat yourselves on the back and roll another one.

In Gaurav Gupta

In Gaurav Gupta

This dress on Shruti Hassan reminds me of a cold night at the graveyard. Let me hasten to assure you that Shruti does not look like the undead, far from it, but something about the blue and black and net gives me an eerie feeling.

In Amritraj Bora

In Amritraj Bora showing way too much of her Boras

As does this one on Sonal Chauhan. Somewhere a koli has lost the day’s catch.

In a Manish Malhotra sari

In a Manish Malhotra sari

Who sends her invites and why? At least Sophie Chaudhary has the decency to dress well.

PS: Raise your hand if you are missing Sonam Kapoor.