Ash hat

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Aishwarya Rai Bachchan is in Australia for the races as part of her tireless work for Longines.

And since she is around horses, it’s only respectful to wear fascinators. So she did. Or did she?

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For one event Aishwarya wore Mickey Mouse on her head.

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For another she wore that little twirl of dark chocolate you find on your chocolate pastry.

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Have you Sinha?

Sonakshi Sinha has come a long way. From being Salman Khan’s movie accessory to being Arjun Kapoor’s movie accessory, the journey has been arduous, mostly for people who watched her in all those movies (Sorry, a Lootera can only get you so far. Like if your career is a train journey, Lootera will take you from Churchgate to Dadar, tops. After that you’re on the mercy of Kaali-Peelis, and most of them will prolly say no because they have other important things to do, like scratch their balls and perm their hair.)

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From a fashion perspective, it’s been an evolution, and it gladdens my jaded heart to watch her go from being swaddled in all black to all these fashion experiments that I fondly refer to as the Sonam Kapoors.

Unfortunately, as we know, not all Sonam Kapoors are always hits.

In the one above for example, I’m expecting some spontaneous cray version of Bollywood Flamenco Moon Worship Dance, which she does to get The Mask’s attention…

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(I’m coming baby!)

…as he somersaults into the frame and whisks her away to the dulcet tunes of Copa Cabana, to a land far, far away where scripts for movies like Tevar and Action Jackson are used to make papier mache which is then used to make Leo DiCaprio idols.

To be fair (and what am I if not fair, huh?) the top is cute. But that fishtail skirt. I mean, it’s only genius if it’s subtly telling us the story of the Little Mermaid, you know, all she wanted was to be a part of the world above her hence the moon and the… hang on. There are 2 moons.

I give up.

 

Par Kyun?

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Arjun: Ki

Kareena: Ka

Arjun: We sound like a druid extra from Star Wars

Kareena: What Star Wars? There are no Star Wars! I already SAID I like PeeCee and she’s putting us on the global map, why won’t the PAPARAZZI LEAVE ME ALONE I just made fun of her accent that ONE TIME ARGGGH, SAIFUUU, WHERE ARE YOU I NEED A BACKRUB.

Arjun: Um…. K

Kareena: Actually it’s Ki

Arjun: Sigh.

 

Kaifi Ho Gaya Ab Bus Karo

This outfit reminds me of everything that is unfair in the world:

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  1. Katrina Kaif’s body
  2. Katrina Kaif’s skin
  3. Katrina Kaif’s hair
  4. Katrina Kaif’s legs
  5. That she gets to do sexytime with Ranbir (Does she still? Have they broken up? Are they still together? Any tramp stamps? FIRs? Update me, children.)
  6. World Hunger
  7. Exams
  8. That Pandas sometimes run out of bamboo to eat and that’s really sad
  9. That this other girl got made Head Captain of Red House simply because my class was away on a picnic and now I’ll never know what it’s like to be made Head Captain
  10. People with high metabolism who eat as much gulab jamun as they want without an ounce of body fat showing up. Those people are the worst. I hope they find love and happiness but that it gets taken away from them suddenly and cruelly because their love falls in love with the bai and now they have no love and they have no bai and that is what rockbottom is like.

Dat dress doh. It’s what she wore at the Women of Worth awards, which I assume is called that because you need lots of worth *cough*cash*cough* to be able to afford a Mikael D. (I have no idea who Mikael D is. I only know Michael J. And he ded.)

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. But I will look for you, I will find you and I will take that dress.” – Liam Neeson when he saw this dress:

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OK maybe not Liam Neeson. Maybe it was me. I also have a particular set of skills that involve calling an Uber super fast if I need a getaway car coz I desperately needed to dodge a very angry person in their underwear.

No biggie.

Someone else will have to get the shoes for me though. Any volunteers? Volunteers?