HO HO HO!

Ok, ok, I’ll admit that that title was too easy.

Just like Rakh- alright, alright, no more cheap comedy.

Just like those fishnet stock- ok, ok I am really stopping now.

Rakhi Sawant, you glorious creature. And when I say creature, I mean elf, because look how cute you are all ready to help Santa stuff his toys in a bag.

Okay my brain is a gutter.

Just like where Rakhi Sawant found those awful sho- OMG I can’t stop WTF is wrong with me.

Sorry guys. I mma keep it classy now… unlike Rakh – *self thappad*

I’d imagine that if there ever were a strip club in the North Pole for Santa to go to when he and Mrs Claus are having domestic trouble, this would be the outfit they’d reject. That’s not to say I don’t admire the flower and butterfly motif she has going there, which either stands for the food chain/ circle of life, or is Rakhi’s way of communicating with the undead witches who brew her youth potion; she wants to tell them that she needs a refill before her nose melts away like MJ on a tanning bed.

Bebo main Bebo

Kareena Kapoor is yet another actress to fall prey to the deadly “Shaadi Syndrome”; a disease that, if left unchecked, consumes an actress’ career whole, like an Anaconda.

Now that she has realised how much free time she has in her hands as Mrs Nawab/ Magnum Fellatio Girl, she has decided to pay attention to her wardrobe. Like this outfit, despite being rather odd, works in a contemporary Jitendra-tribute kind of way.

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It looks like a wraparound jumpsuit, which is a very risky outfit to wear if you ask me – one tug at the right string and it will all unravel in a very Draupadi-esque manner, except Kareena is married to a Muslim so I don’t know if Krishna will listen to her #GharWapsi

She may trip and fall because those pants are too billowy, and I wouldn’t eat any Indian food if I were her unless I am carrying a packet of Vanish Shakti 02 trust pink forget stains, but with the necklace and pale pink lipstick the whole look kind of strokes my chin in a warm, fuzzy, Meryl Streep way. Me likey.

P.S. My Anaconda don’t… my anaconda don’t… my anaconda don’t want none if something buns hon.