Back to school

Alia Bhatt and Varun Dhawan dropped by HR College, Town to promote Humpty Sharma ki Dulhania because when you are in college you are so obviously thinking about who your dulhania will be and how to score her. I bet that whoever bunked class that day is kicking their Facebook selves.

Since Alia never really got a chance to complete her college education, here she plays out an average day in an average college girl’s life.

Alia

Alia, wearing a leather skater skirt and a French Connection top with a very disturbing message, like all average college girls do, spots a hot boy in the corridor.

Varun, Alia

Her boyfriend, a stud from Lokhandwala, Suburbs, spots her nefarious activity and swears to jaan se maar that boy.

Varun, Alia1

Alia discovers she has a presentation due right now and refuses to go to class.

Varun, Alia3

Lokhandwala Boyfriend joins her in front of the class for moral support.

Varun

Then takes over with teacher of Bollywood Reviewology, Prof Rajeev Masand looking on.

Varun, Alia4

All ends well that ends… well, with a teacher-student photo op.

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Launchpad

Jacqueline Fernandez stepped out to launch yet another spa and give Bombay exactly what it has been lacking.

In a sequined Zara top and Tod loafers with a fringe

In a sequined Zara top and Tod loafers with a fringe

Jacqueline chose to layer the sequined top with a simple white shirt. Which, initially, might have seemed like a bad idea because the top in itself looks good but was necessary when the flashbulbs went on because I can, literally, see the outline of her bra. Smart move for modesty, not so much for fashion.

Now, let’s talk about her footwear. Namely, why do they have their very own skirt? Were they also worried about their modesty?

jacqueline fernandez

You just know the guy on the right is wondering the same thing.

In other amazing and totally relevant news, Jacqueline has moved into a new home and is taking design inspiration from Madhuri’s girlhood room in Hum Aapke Hain Koun…! with her dressing a teddy bear in her childhood clothes and calling it Mama Bear. That’s a mark of a truly mature and evolved person.

Of babies and royalty

Grazia magazine threw a party for designer Rahul Mishra who won the prestigious Woolmark award (Google it) and it being a night of fashion, by default, Sonam Kapoor materialised.

In a Shehlaa sari by desginer Shehla Khan

In a Shehlaa sari by desginer Shehla Khan

She, with all the soft chiffon, was dressed like a maharani of a minor principality. Though, if she really was royalty, that blouse would have been frowned upon and she would have to eat her five course breakfast all by herself in the Hawa Mahal as a punishment.

Kalki is in top by Ezra and a Koecsh skirt

Kalki is in a top by Ezra and a Koecsh skirt

Kalki Koechlin was the other end of the spectrum with a short skirt and orthopedic booties. Her window top would make a great choice for lactating mothers.

Designer Rahul accompanies Sona who is in a Mango vest. Sona, not Rahul

Designer Rahul accompanies Sona who is in a Mango vest. Sona, not Rahul

Another great choice for nursing women is Sona Mohapatra’s vest that comes with easy to undo buttons and a pocket watch for timely feedings.

I feel like I should explain all the references to pregnancy. I’ve just finished reading a book where the protagonist has given birth and there are chapters dedicated to breastfeeding and diaper changing. So, I thought, I should share.

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Varun: Dus Bahane Karke Le Gaye Dil… Le Gaye Dil…

Alia: Aye ji, ooohhh ji… Hang on. Dus Bahane? That was *not* in the brief.

Varun: Neither were matching clothes. But we showed them there!

Alia: But I look fantastic. I even have wine-coloured lipstick on… pretty sure there’s a meme somewhere in which I tell people that I believe wine-coloured lipstick is made of wine.

Varun: Well… do you?

Alia: Bitch please, I know it’s made of grapes.

Varun: Do you ever wonder if grapes are like, tree-balls?

Alia: WHAT?

Varun: Nothing. I like your boots. You look supercute.

Alia: Thanks! You do too! Despite that haircut. Like, why? Why did you cut it so short? Are you joining the Army? Are we at war? OMG is Game Of Thrones real? WHAT MAKES SCOOBY AND SHAGGY SO COOL?

 

I’m totally a little high from this lipstick.

 

 

 

Show and tell

Let’s clear something up. Anupam Kher’s new talk show The Anupam Kher Show – Kucch Bhi Ho Sakta Hai will never be near as awesome as The Neelam Show. So, in Anupam Kher’s show, Anupam Kher gets celebrities to open up about life, love and leisure, at the end of which, I doubt, they even get a Koffee hamper. So the whole show is pointless.

In a Giambattista Valli Resort 2013 dress with Louboutins and earrings designed by mum Sunita Kapoor

In a Giambattista Valli Resort 2013 dress with Louboutins and earrings designed by mum Sunita Kapoor

 

Sonam Kapoor dropped by with cousin Arjun where they must have spoken about growing up in only a 5 BKH with two gardens bungalow and how it sucked to have a free pass into the industry with such little talent. (Aside: Actually, Arjun’s life was not that much of a cake walk. So, I’m sure he had some heartwarming stuff to speak about.) Sonam was in a contrast printed dress that I don’t have too much to complain about. It’s not yuck, neither is it wow. It’s more of a meh. And sometimes meh is good. We all need a little meh in our lives.

Sneak peek

The seventh season of Jhalak Dikhhla Jaa will soon go on air which means that now my Amma won’t ask me to come home for the weekends because she will be busy furiously voting.

Madhuri Dixit1

While it all seems like old wine in a new, mirror ball bottle, stuff actually has changed. For starters, Madhuri Dixit has got a new stylist, the awesome Anaita Shroff Adajania. Which means I’ll be whining a lot less here. Madhuri and Anaita did not disappoint with the first look. Sequins are not merely for teenyboppers and drag queens anymore. Worn well with a touch of class, it looks great. The plain, almost masculine feel of the shirt offsets the bright, girliness of the H&M skirt.

Madhuri Dixit2

Here’s another look at it. She does seem happier too, doesn’t she? Or maybe that’s just me projecting.

Hosts

The downside of the change is that Manish Paul and Kapil Sharma won’t be reprising their roles as hosts. Look, even Karan Johar seems disappointed at discovering the absence of these two. Now, like Karan, I too will have to suffer through Drashti Dhami and Ranvir Shorey trying to flirt with each other. By now Ranvir should know that he’ll only ever have great chemistry with Vinay Pathak and Drashti should know that what she has on is so staid, I’m afraid my eyes will rot if I look directly at her clothes.

Anyway, vote for Punit Pathak.

Angels & Demons

Sunny

Because of all the hoopla surrounding her, it’s easy to forget that Sunny Leone is actually a very beautiful woman. She is stunning, in fact. The outfit, of course, does very little justice to her but we can all safely assume that the objective of the look was to be as subtle as possible. Hence the sequined omber gown and the wings. She got all decked up to launch the new season of Splitsvilla which is nothing if not subtle and classy. So it all comes together beautifully.

Grin and bear

 

Sidharth, Riteish

I knew this day would come. The emoticons have morphed into real life people with real life emotions. Now everyone will want to be friends with Smiley and all will avoid Sad Face and we’ll have a whole bunch of self-esteem issues to deal with.

Sidharth and Riteish promoting Ek Villain

Sidharth and Riteish promoting Ek Villain

 

How I wish this scenario were true because then I would not have to deal with actual people like Riteish Deshmukh. Sidharth Malhotra, I don’t mind because have you seen how he looks? Does anybody else think Riteish is a lot like Tusshar Kapoor, only slightly better? I don’t know. I just instinctively put the two of them in the same category – annoying.

God, I hope these matching jackets don’t become a thing. Because then Anuya and I will have to walk around with fuschia, faux fur trimmed jackets and then I’ll die slowly. And you know we’ll just have to do it because popular culture. And it will be pink with fur because Anuya.