The Filmfare Awards took place for the 59th time – coincidentally, that’s Rekha’s current age and the age Shah Rukh Khan will never mature to in a Karan Johar film.
Gone with the wind in a Gaurav Gupta
A huge hurricane named Katrina blew Deepika Padukone’s dress away and as a result there are very few images of her right profile.
Aside: Why is her stylist referring to the Golden Globes look book and putting her in dresses that have got enough press and for all the wrong reasons? Lady Victoria Hervey, an Englishman’s answer to Queenie Dhody, wore the same dress to the Globes this year and not many thought she was victorious.
Priyanka Chopra in Alexander McQueen
This one is the rebellious cousin of Deepika’s church-going one (see link above). The pockets look like they are set afire by gold leaves and I would not be surprised if Deepika grabbed Priyanka and put her on her mantel mistaking her for the best actress trophy. Oh shit spoilers! Ah well, you’ll live.
That’s a Louis Vuitton orgy happening on Ranveer Singh
I’m going to smoke up and watch the pattern come to life and try to strangle the teddy bear on his loafers. I suggest you do the same.
Kajol in a Nandita Mahtani gown
This is a great movie star shot. Unfortunately what she has on is not. I suspect she dropped her kids at the babysitter’s in her nightie and realised there was not enough time so she strapped on a belt and made it in time for this photo.
This one might as well be called Ruffle Lays.
Huma Qureshi in Gauri & Nainika
And this one too. Ruffle Lays Magic Masala.
Preity Zinta in an extremely similar Gauri & Nainika
Another movie star shot and another Ruffle Lays, this one Magic Masala with Tazos inside.
Dia Mirza in a very confusing Shantanu & Nikhil
You can’t see from this angle but what she has on is a cropped top, leggings and a Lannister cloak worn as a nauvari sari.
Rekha doing her thang, y’all
That’s all the cloth of gold the Lannisters ever owned.
Neha Dhupia in a blouse by Payal Singhal and an Anju Modi skirt
I’ll take it. And maybe lose the neckpieces and add earrings. But I’ll take it.
Karisma Kapoor in Anamika Khanna
The dress is the equivalent of a drunken Punjabi wedding where no one knows what the fuck is happening but everyone is in good spirits.
Kalki Koechlin in a lot of Sabyasachi
Yes, she is mourning the demise of her marriage. How did you guess?
A note to Sabyasachi and all those who wear him: Allow me to introduce you to the concept of a streamlined silhouette. This bada hai toh behtar hai philosophy does not work every time.
Vaani Kapoor wearing a gorgeous Nikhil Thampi
I mean, if I had a body like that I too would wear as minimal clothes as possible. Let’s see what the valet guy is gawking at so intently.
Work it, girl.
Richa Chadda in a Hervé Léger
This dress is stupid. It’s drag-racing-drunk-without-a-seat-belt stupid. It’s a bandage dress with a whole carton of Ruffle Lays on it. The idea of a bandage dress is to show off the wearer’s figure so why would you cover it in cheap cake frosting? I blame the designer for this one. Her styling is not helping either.
Amrita Rao in a Payal Singhal sari
Does she not remind you of a child actor from the ’50s who had an illustrious career playing a boy but when puberty hit no one knew what to do with her so now she is married to a producer 20 years her senior?
Nimrat Kaur wearing a Shehlaa sari
And that’s her pushy mother trying to relive her glamour days through her child. I mean this in the best possible way because she looks so old school Bollywood chic.
Emilio Pucci on Ileana D’cruz (that reads weird)
Her extra long sleeves are spreading their lacy tentacles all across her body and soon she’ll star as Venom in a feminist remake of Spider-Man where the protagonist makes it her mission to rid the world of cobwebs.
Aditi Rao Hydari in Gaurav Gupta
The shoes she can courier me the rest she can burn, starting with that appliqué patch on her head.
Prachi Desai in Swapnil Shinde
Bani Dixit (bet you did not know that was her surname) sexing it up? Hmmm… What would Mr Walia say?
Sophie Choudry in BCBG which sounds like an acronym for a bunch of Hindi gaalis
Sophie Choudry did her bit to revive the age-old art of letter writing by encasing her twins in envelop flaps.
Konkona Sen Sharma drowning in a Rohit Bal anarkali
The white and gold combination is what you would normally wear to a Malayalee wedding along with gold in your weight, of course. But even by those standards this is too much gold.
Kajal Aggarwal in Monisha Jaising bling
I don’t believe the dress was stitched onto her, neither is there a JFK in sight and it’s definitely not his birthday.
Tamannah in Gauri & Nainika
She knows the dress is great and hence the smirk. Can we all say drama together?
Bruna Abdullah (you know her from…Google it, ya) is already so tall that the border of this anarkali is making her look like she is standing on stilts. Like she was the carnival attraction at Filmfare.
Chunky Pandey killing it
Bangladesh’s superstar was especially flown in to host the Red Carpet. If you ask me, Bollywood’s loss is Bangllywood’s (that’s what their industry is called, right?) gain. And this is Bollywood’s way of inviting him back into their fold but it’s too little too late, guys. We have lost a national treasure, especially when he looks this dapper.
Hosts Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir Kapoor
Maybe if this was the pairing of Love Story 2050, life would have been very different.