Gori tere sari mein

Kareena Kapoor Khan was invited to a luncheon in honour of France’s former First Lady Valérie Trierweiler which, if you ask me, is in rather poor taste, taking into consideration Valérie’s current distaste for actresses.

In Anand Kabra

In Anand Kabra

Kareena’s blouse is too high from both the neck and bust, her sari is too low and her hair is as flat as her performance in Gori Tere Pyaar Mein (this, I judged from the trailer because who actually watched it?). But we can work with all of it. It’s the pleats that are a little disturbing. They are a tad higher than the rest of the sari. And this is why…

Kareena Kapoor1

It’s got a slit! The sari comes with a tear. I just can’t wait to take a pair of scissors to all my mum’s Kanjivarams now.

Filmfare Awards

The Filmfare Awards took place for the 59th time – coincidentally, that’s Rekha’s current age and the age Shah Rukh Khan will never mature to in a Karan Johar film.

Gone with the wind in a in Gaurav Gupta

Gone with the wind in a Gaurav Gupta

A huge hurricane named Katrina blew Deepika Padukone’s dress away and as a result there are very few images of her right profile.

Aside: Why is her stylist referring to the Golden Globes look book and putting her in dresses that have got enough press and for all the wrong reasons? Lady Victoria Hervey, an Englishman’s answer to Queenie Dhody, wore the same dress to the Globes this year and not many thought she was victorious.

In Alexander McQueen

Priyanka Chopra in Alexander McQueen

This one is the rebellious cousin of Deepika’s church-going one (see link above). The pockets look like they are set afire by gold leaves and I would not be surprised if Deepika grabbed Priyanka and put her on her mantel mistaking her for the best actress trophy. Oh shit spoilers! Ah well, you’ll live.

That's a Louis Vuitton orgy happening on him

That’s a Louis Vuitton orgy happening on Ranveer Singh

I’m going to smoke up and watch the pattern come to life and try to strangle the teddy bear on his loafers. I suggest you do the same.

Kajol in a Nandita Mahtani gown

Kajol in a Nandita Mahtani gown

This is a great movie star shot. Unfortunately what she has on is not. I suspect she dropped her kids at the babysitter’s in her nightie and realised there was not enough time so she strapped on a belt and made it in time for this photo.

Anjana Sukhani

Anjana Sukhani

This one might as well be called Ruffle Lays.

Huma Qureshi in Gauri & Nainika

Huma Qureshi in Gauri & Nainika

And this one too. Ruffle Lays Magic Masala.

Preity Zinta in an extremely similar Gauri & Nainika too

Preity Zinta in an extremely similar Gauri & Nainika

Another movie star shot and another Ruffle Lays, this one Magic Masala with Tazos inside.

Dia Mirza in a very confusing Shantanu & Nikhil

Dia Mirza in a very confusing Shantanu & Nikhil

You can’t see from this angle but what she has on is a cropped top, leggings and a Lannister cloak worn as a nauvari sari.

Rekha doing her thang, y'all

Rekha doing her thang, y’all

That’s all the cloth of gold the Lannisters ever owned.

Neha Dhupia in a blouse by Payal Singhal and an Anju Modi skirt

Neha Dhupia in a blouse by Payal Singhal and an Anju Modi skirt

I’ll take it. And maybe lose the neckpieces and add earrings. But I’ll take it.

Karisma Kapoor in  Anamika Khanna

Karisma Kapoor in Anamika Khanna

The dress is the equivalent of a drunken Punjabi wedding where no one knows what the fuck is happening but everyone is in good spirits.

Kalki Koechlin in a lot of Sabyasachi

Kalki Koechlin in a lot of Sabyasachi

Yes, she is mourning the demise of her marriage. How did you guess?

A note to Sabyasachi and all those who wear him: Allow me to introduce you to the concept of a streamlined silhouette. This bada hai toh behtar hai philosophy does not work every time.

wearing a gorgeous Nikhil Thampi

Vaani Kapoor wearing a gorgeous Nikhil Thampi

I mean, if I had a body like that I too would wear as minimal clothes as possible. Let’s see what the valet guy is gawking at so intently.

Vaani Kapoor1

Work it, girl.

Richa Chadda in a Hervé Léger

Richa Chadda in a Hervé Léger

This dress is stupid. It’s drag-racing-drunk-without-a-seat-belt stupid. It’s a bandage dress with a whole carton of Ruffle Lays on it. The idea of a bandage dress is to show off the wearer’s figure so why would you cover it in cheap cake frosting? I blame the designer for this one. Her styling is not helping either.

Amrita Rao in a Payal Singhal sari

Amrita Rao in a Payal Singhal sari

Does she not remind you of a child actor from the ’50s who had an illustrious career playing a boy but when puberty hit no one knew what to do with her so now she is married to a producer 20 years her senior?

Nimrat Kaur wearing a Shehlaa sari

Nimrat Kaur wearing a Shehlaa sari

And that’s her pushy mother trying to relive her glamour days through her child. I mean this in the best possible way because she looks so old school Bollywood chic.

Emilio Pucci on Ileana D'cruz

Emilio Pucci on Ileana D’cruz (that reads weird)

Her extra long sleeves are spreading their lacy tentacles all across her body and soon she’ll star as Venom in a feminist remake of Spider-Man where the protagonist makes it her mission to rid the world of cobwebs.

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gaurav Gupta

Aditi Rao Hydari in Gaurav Gupta

The shoes she can courier me the rest she can burn, starting with that appliqué patch on her head.

Prachi Desai in Swapnil Shinde (that reads weird)

Prachi Desai in Swapnil Shinde

Bani Dixit (bet you did not know that was her surname) sexing it up? Hmmm… What would Mr Walia say?

Sophie Choudry in BCBG which sounds like an acronym for a bunch of Hindi gaalis

Sophie Choudry in BCBG which sounds like an acronym for a bunch of Hindi gaalis

Sophie Choudry did her bit to revive the age-old art of letter writing by encasing her twins in envelop flaps.

Konkona Sen Sharma drowning in a Rohit Bal anarkali

Konkona Sen Sharma drowning in a Rohit Bal anarkali

The white and gold combination is what you would normally wear to a Malayalee wedding along with gold in your weight, of course. But even by those standards this is too much gold.

Kajal Aggarwal in Monisha Jaising bling

Kajal Aggarwal in Monisha Jaising bling

I don’t believe the dress was stitched onto her, neither is there a JFK in sight and it’s definitely not his birthday.

Tamannah in Gauri & Nainika

Tamannah in Gauri & Nainika

She knows the dress is great and hence the smirk. Can we all say drama together?

Bruna Abdullah

Bruna Abdullah

Bruna Abdullah (you know her from…Google it, ya) is already so tall that the border of this anarkali is making her look like she is standing on stilts. Like she was the carnival attraction at Filmfare.

Chunky Pandey killing it

Chunky Pandey killing it

Bangladesh’s superstar was especially flown in to host the Red Carpet. If you ask me, Bollywood’s loss is Bangllywood’s (that’s what their industry is called, right?) gain. And this is Bollywood’s way of inviting him back into their fold but it’s too little too late, guys. We have lost a national treasure, especially when he looks this dapper.

Hosts Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir Kapoor

Hosts Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir Kapoor

Maybe if this was the pairing of Love Story 2050, life would have been very different.

Laughter All Around!

I don’t understand the name of this movie. Hasee toh Phasee? Seems a bit harsh to hang a person just for laughing, but since I know nothing about politics, I’ll let it slide and focus on the thing I DO know about – other people’s ugly clothes.

Speaking of which:

Parineeti - Siddharth

 

I like the way Siddharth Dhawan/ Varun Malhotra dresses. He’s preppie without degenerating into “douchebag Delhi boy” and since that’s exactly like walking a tightrope I go easy on him. Parineeti, however, could do better. It’s not a BAD dress, specifically, but there’s nothing remarkable about it. And didn’t the whole “venetian blinds” look die a painful death a while ago? Plus, her hair pulled back makes me afraid that she’s going to start pecking away at a wooden table with her beak-nose any minute now, and that makes me worried for wooden tables, and I don’t like worrying about inanimate objects if I can help it.

And then, there was this:

1_1390457699

 

Parineeti, you’re a sweet young thing,  no need to dress like a catholic secretary.

Policegiri

Bollywood went all out for the Mumbai police show, Umang. It’s great to see our cops, who, on most days, get so much flak just for being cops, gettin’ jiggy wit it.

Kareena Kapoor Khan in Shivan & Narresh

Kareena Kapoor Khan in Shivan & Narresh

I guess we are still colour blocking. But this one works just fine. And it’s an actual sari. Not a fusion of a gown and sari. But a sari sari. So, points for that.

In Roberto Cavalli

In Roberto Cavalli

See, if a dress is even slightly unflattering to Katrina Kaif’s curves, I’m going to be living in an anarkali or the hills for the rest of my life. Not really. I’ll be living on a beach. Whatever. She looks good.

Hrithik Roshan

Hrithik Roshan

Man! You can never go wrong with a well-fitted suit, especially when it fits a body like that.

Ranveer Singh

Ranveer Singh

I’m loving that T-shirt. I’m going to get me self one and walk around in it all week till someone comments on its quirky coolness.

Anil Kapoor showing us how it's done

Anil Kapoor showing us how it’s done

I’m convinced Anil Kapoor has found the fountain of youth and sips from it daily using a gilded goblet. In a few years if Sonam Kapoor looks the same you’ll know it’s true.

Host Manish Paul with someone

Host Manish Paul with someone they call Madhuri

Sigh. Never change. You are ok, Madhuri.

Abhay Deol

Abhay Deol

Who can resist a guy in a snug leather jacket who also stands up for the rights of creative people and has innovative ways of protesting when said rights are violated?

Prabhu Deva

Prabhu Deva

That’s right. Everybody ought to stop and stare when the P-man dances.

Richa Chadda wears a Pankaj & Nidhi sari

Richa Chadda wears a Pankaj & Nidhi sari

It’s a sari! And that blouse reminds me of a jhola I carried to college.

Manish Paul, Karan Johar and Sachin Tendulkar

Manish Paul, Karan Johar and Sachin Tendulkar

Saachiinnn! Sachin! *dhum dhum dhum*

Shah Rukh Khan

Shah Rukh Khan

Shawty got low, low, low.

Shah Rukh Khan in a lungi and fedora like only he can pull it off

Shah Rukh Khan in a lungi and fedora like only he can pull it off

That’s how all cops should direct traffic from now on.

Sunny Deol

Sunny Deol

The dhai kilo ka haath in all its glory.

Ranveer Singh1

That’s all, folks.

PS: Why was ACP Pradyuman not the guest of honour?

Lambi race ka ghoda

Kareena Kapoor Khan (you know what else has its initials as KKK, no? This random observation has nothing to do with her or the post but I just thought I’d point it out since it was such a random observation.) attended the MiD DAY Trophy horse racing event.

In Ashish N Soni and Prada footwear

In Ashish N Soni and Prada footwear

This is such an exceptional look. It’s summery and very derby-appropriate. The reverse black and white pattern on the bodice and skirt works beautifully. I think she deliberately stood in the shade of that tree to add to her mysterious allure. Like she’s out and about in public, looking cool and collected, but she is actually plotting a high profile murder.

Also, since it’s Monday, (the event took place on Saturday, though) here is something to cheer you up.

Tusshar Kapoor

Back to the future’s present

I am a ’90s kid and unapologetically so. Which means I can dance my ass off to Choli Ke Peeche and took it as personal affront when Aamir Khan (initially) chose Tara over Juhi Chawla in Hum Hain Rahi Pyaar Ke. So, I’m obviously beyond ecstatic to see these two together in a film after like… never before. I’m sure this is what today’s kids would feel like after a few years when Deepika and Katrina do a film with Shah Rukh Khan in a double role as their husband and son.

Madhuri in Pankaj & Nidhi and Juhi wearing Anita Dongre

Madhuri in Pankaj & Nidhi and Juhi wearing Anita Dongre

They both look great and, might I say, are dressed age-appropriately. There is a certain freshness and simplicity to Madhuri’s salwar kameez while Juhi is in an anarkali that actually comes with a midriff high slit.

Promoting Gulaab Gang

Launching a song from Gulaab Gang

Here is another look.

Cover up

At the launch of her fitness DVD

At the launch of her fitness DVD

 

Shiny disco balls

I think my life is now complete. Sunny Leone and Yo Yo Honey Singh at one place, in one photo, looking as awesome as two people can ever look. Thank you, Universe.

At a promotional gig for Ragini MMS 2

At a promotional gig for Ragini MMS 2

She is wearing the shiny outfit but for some reason he is glowing. Sigh. Everything is perfect in the world now.

Star Guilt Awards

Same shit, another day, different outfits.

Huma Qureshi in a Gauri and Nainika gown

Huma Qureshi in a Gauri and Nainika gown

Where is the rest of her coven? Having the valet park their broomsticks?

Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor

Ranveer Singh in Gucci and Arjun Kapoor in cocked eyebrows

I suppose Ranveer Singh does clean up good. But since when has rubbing tambacoo become dapper?

In a lehenga by Shehlaa

In a lehenga by Shehlaa

This attire would make perfect sense if Deepika Padukone’s top-half was starring in a film about a naughty school girl and her bottom-half was playing the lead role of a gaon ki gori. And her midriff had its own porn series.

In Nachiket Barve

In Nachiket Barve

That’s Divya Khosla Kumar, the director of Yaariyan. Her stylist paid good money for Nirupa Roy and Noorie’s second hand sari. I guess, they thought it was vintage along with it being film memorabilia.

In Rachel Roy and Steve Madden peep toes

In a Rachel Roy jumpsuit and Steve Madden peep toes

Shit! If Sonakshi Sinha continues to dress like this, I will be out of a job and will have to retire to the hills where all I’ll do through the day is plot my revenge against her for making an honest woman out of me. She looks great. Ouch! I think I just burned my fingers typing that because what she actually looks great in is a jumpsuit. I’m going to give myself the pink slip now.

Sunny Leone rocking the hell out of this one

Sunny Leone rocking the hell out of this one

Sunny Leone in and as Anal: The Little Mermaid.

In Nikhil Thampi (he's been having a good awards season)

Vaani Kapoor in Nikhil Thampi (he’s been having a good awards season, no?)

That dress is the fashion equivalent of Inception. I have no clue what is going on but I like it and am going to stay till the end credits because…

Vaani Kapoor-back… this is what they look like.

Prabhu Deva

Prabhu Deva

I never pegged him to be much of a dresser but here he is. I’m loving the purple pocket square as much as his dance-y pose. Never change, Prabhu Deva. Never. Except when you decide to make certain ‘princely’ films.

In a Varun Bahl sari

In a Varun Bahl sari

Richa Chadda played it way too safe with this one. She should have let the peacock feathers extend into a full-blown fan behind her head. Don’t deny us some drama, lady.

Shah Rukh Khan

Shah Rukh Khan

How bad can it be? You are Shah Rukh Khan for crying out loud. Smile a little, will you? You are in well-fitted suit and sometimes that’s all a guy really needs.

Kareena Kapoor in Namrata Joshipura

Kareena Kapoor in Namrata Joshipura

I don’t hate it but I don’t want to get it drunk and make sweet, sweet love to it either. I’m sure Saif Ali Khan will share my sentiments.

In Donna Karan

In Donna Karan

If I saw this in the store I’d point out to the salesperson that there are way too many threads hanging and that the finishing is bad at which point he would tell me I did not get high fashion and would proceed to sell it to the next customer. Shraddha Kapoor. But she does look ok. Sort of.

Jacqueline Fernandez in Anand Kabra

Jacqueline Fernandez in Anand Kabra

I always wonder what or who stars are hiding when they come all covered-up to events.

Filmfare nominations orgy

Filmfare held a nomination bash to celebrate the nominees (duh!) after which the actual awards function will take place followed by an after-party and all the festivities will be capped off with a roaring party for all the losers, hosted by Vivek Oberoi, because have you seen Krrish 3?

Sonam Kapoor in Anushka Khanna

Sonam Kapoor in Anushka Khanna

I guess all of you raised your hands high enough and waved them frantically enough because here she is.

Aditi Rao Hydari

Aditi Rao Hydari

That’s a fancy sailor’s uniform, miss. What oil rig you work at?

Wearing a Pankaj & Nidhi dress

Wearing a Pankaj & Nidhi dress

Does Deepika Padukone know there is a leaking nib on her crotch? Maybe Ranveer can clean it up with his suit. That’s the only good use of it that I can think of.

In my grandfather's suit

In my grandfather’s suit

Yes, Ranveer Singh, we get it. You are allegedly Deepika’s man and hence, in your head, have arrived. Which absolves you from having to make an effort. But the fact that she does make an effort ought to be a telling sign.

Richa Chadda

Richa Chadda

Like most times, my foot has come back to shove itself into my mouth. I take back everything I said about ‘some’ people not being able to pull-off gowns well. Because something is being pulled somewhere within that gown.

In an Alexander McQueen gown

In an Alexander McQueen gown

Ah! We’ve all been young and stupid but have managed to come out unscathed. I suppose what does not kill you only makes you more skeptical. It’s only Alia Bhatt’s youth that lets her pull off the look with minimal makeup and accessories.

Divya Dutta

Divya Dutta

Ok, so maybe she does not need to drown this particular attire but she still needs to take a little vaccy.

In a Shivan & Narresh sari

Huma Qureshi in a Shivan & Narresh sari

The drape of the gown (which actually is a sari that her stylist transformed into a gown) gives me the feeling that she’s going to get on her knees and start scrubbing the floors while asking me to increase her paggar.

Jacqueline Fernandez in Emilio Pucci and in your dreams, sucker!

Jacqueline Fernandez in Emilio Pucci and in your dreams, sucker!

Now, on the other hand… this one on her knees…. I’m going to stop now. My family reads this blog.

Kalki Koechlin in Gaurav Gupta

Kalki Koechlin in Gaurav Gupta

I guess if you must go classy and all I-don’t-care-that-I’m-going-through-a-divorce-with-someone-who-pioneered-the-new-wave-of-Indian-cinema, this is the best way to dress. Sassy yet elegant. Making an effort but not too much of it.

Nimrat Kaur in an Anand Kabra web print gown

Nimrat Kaur in an Anand Kabra web print gown

This ensemble comes to you from the House of Spiderman. If you look closely at the intricate webbing, it’s an ode to Peter Parker’s superpowers and the boxy fit… that’s just a bad fit.

In a jhagmag Namrata Joshipura suit

In a jhagmag Namrata Joshipura suit

Shruti Hassan attended as a Sindhi businessman on the verge of a breakthrough deal.

Sophie Choudry in a Pankaj & Nidhi jacket

Wearing a Pankaj & Nidhi jacket

Sophie Choudary borrowed P.C. Sorcar’s coat and managed to make it look fashionable.