Poor Styling ke Side Effects

I don’t know if I want to give Vidya Balan points for trying, or chastise her for what she is wearing.

Shaadi_Ki_Side_Effects_8

Balan and Farhan during the trailer launch of Shaadi ke Side Effects.

That dress, I mean. Is it a dress, or did she forget to wear the salwar and decided to just fuck it and stop at Linking Road to pick up a black belt? Because no stylist in his/ her right mind would’ve given her a belt when her neckline has that much going on. Also, does the belt randomly stretch down her side like a sash-tail of some sorts? What happens when you run your fingers down it? Does it open a secret chamber? I am so utterly distraught by that outfit that I almost missed the towel Farhan Akhtar is holding… Presumable to wrap Vidya Balan in it so that we don’t have to see that outfit. Good on you, Farhan, at least someone has their priorities right.

The biggest unanswered question however, is in the next picture:

Shaadi_Ki_Side_Effects_11

Are those horribly mismatched shoes black stripes on white, or white stripes on black?

It Don’t Matter If You’re Black Or Black

The other day Anuya and I had the cocktail Black Mamba and it basically tasted like sunshine and starburst.  This piece of information may or may not have anything to do with Freida Pinto’s Vogue Anniversary cover.

On the cover of Vogue India's Anniversary issue

On the cover of Vogue India’s anniversary issue

Everybody is going ape shit about how she got a complete, full 360° makeover. And I guess she has. You know, her cheekbones seem sharper and that’s the first time we’ve got a full view of her crotch in black chaddis. Goth-sexy is seldom her style and Vogue has pulled it off with panache, thanks to the heavy eye makeup, bra and, lest we forget she is actually Indian, the ethnic neckpiece and chunky bangle stack. But why would you choose an image where, basically, we have to stare at her crotch to read the cover line? I’m sure if you took a pop quiz of what the cover line was, you’d get something like a) Err… umm.. Dev Patel! b) Slum my Dog c) What cover line?

At least they don’t have the usual suspects – Deepika or Katrina on the cover.

PS: I think this cover is a precursor to the new Bruno Mars video ‘Gorilla’ starring a pole dancing Freida. Mars mostly sings about how he wants to go all monkey style on her while she gives his guitar a blowjob and then sets it on fire. It’s all too hot to handle so the sprinklers come on. Yeah, also somewhere in the middle they sneak off to do it teenage kids style in the backseat of a car. But this is not to say that Freida does not look smoking hot. Because she so does.

Slouchy pattern hidden folds

In Vasihali S

In Vasihali S

I would understand if Vidya Balan had just finished a classical dance performance at her school’s annual day function where she got a samosa and a pat on her back for participation. But alas, she wore this to inaugurate a jewellery showroom.