It’s the humidity?

I once read this article about the really cool, dual life Poorna Jagannathan leads – one in America and other in India. It spoke about her friends, auditions, her son’s school projects and also her rapport with her stylist.

What the article should have covered is her raging feud with her hairstylist. That’s the only way to explain the hair. Unless she took a train and then a rickshaw that broke down mid-way and then had to squeeze herself into a cramped bus to get to the event. Somehow I don’t think that happened.

Beer is a good conditioner, I’m just saying.

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Sister act

A while ago my favourite sitcom was The Khan Sisters. It was funny yet poignant and a great comment on the times we live in. Nigaar and Gauhar Khan played their parts of bickering sisters and fashionistas with such complexity and with so many layers, it left me baffled. In fact they were quite gutsy in doing the show since it takes a lot to impersonate the Kardashians.

Another stellar example of their aforementioned complexity is seen here.

Gauhar is dressed as an extra in an Asha Parekh song. The topknot is too high and too tight – metaphors for being drunk. Nigaar’s eyebrow is doing things that would put a gymnast to shame.

I don’t think they were performing at this wedding but were actual guests.

Fine. Just fine.

Prachi Desai looks just fine.

The skirt could have done with some shape. Now it just hangs there looking lifeless and pointless. The shoes could have been different. Something white and with a little sparkle. Her face could have done with some colour.

Maybe she doesn’t look that fine.

Excess baggage

Kareena Kapoor’s attire is not haute couture but it’s comfy and perfect for travel.

Now allow me to draw your attention to the porter dwarfed behind the huge mound that is her luggage. I know she’s a big star and it must have been a long trip but how many clothes does one person need? Ok, don’t answer that. I can fit my entire luggage for a 15 day road trip in her handbag. Maybe not.

Mum Babita is embarrassed by her daughter’s excesses and is covering her face in shame.

Shop to drop

The guys at Posh Fusion, an online luxury clothing store, are giving away 25% off on a purchase of over $50 or around Rs 2750. And there’s a lot to be bought. We are currently saving up so you are most welcome to donate your 25% off to us.

Check them out at www.poshfusion.com

Conversation starter

Ajay Devgn: What rubbish is this, ya? Whose dumb idea was it to dress us all in similar style kurtas? Rohit, you and I look like Munnabhai and Circuit.

Rohit Shetty: I’m sorry but this is the only way to save our film Bol Bachchan.

Abhishek Bachchan: I don’t know what you ladies are whining about? I’m totally rocking this hot pink kurta.

Double trouble

I almost did not write this post because I refuse to give in to their ploy of getting people to talk about them as a couple. But look at them! How could I resist?

Right before they hit public view the scene played out something like this: After deciding to dress alike, Sonal Chauhan pulls out two floral, lace trimmed halter tops. She tells three-named Neil Nitin Mukesh that the floral print brings out the peaches and cream tone of his cleavage. He almost agrees before he spots the tablecloth of the cheap Chinese restaurant they are having their 1 by 2 Manchow soup at. Thus was born the unisex shirt that made them both happy and resulted in this post.

I’m too spent to take a dig at his man purse. I need to lie down now.

Colour block

I slipped on my Colaba Causeway shades to write this post. Why, you ask. Because there’s too much colour here. And I do get that sunglasses don’t protect you from the glare thrown by a million colours embroiled in a mating dance but I think they might have worked. I can actually look at this photo without my eyes watering.

Anusha Dandekar is wearing 1..2..3…56 layers that include, what I think is, a men’s undershirt, a top above that and a lungi fashioned into a men’s umm…overshirt enveloping it all. She also has on an elastic band for a skirt and shiny leggings underneath it all. Or maybe it’s all just one high-on-crack outfit.

Not to be outdone Ayushmann Khurrana also chose layers one of which was a metallic jacket. He’s wearing coloured denims which are all the rage now. I don’t personally have an issue with them but I’ve seen a similar look on him a few too many times.

His stylist needs to mix things up while Anusha’s needs to take some time out.

Doff my hat. Not

Now that the IPL has done its job of entertaining us I was hoping to see less of Preity Zinta but no such luck.

She rolled out of bed to launch a diet/fitness/how to lose your self esteem in 10 days book authored by a friend. Unfortunately for everyone involved Preity had a nasty hair day and popped on a fedora. I’d like to say she looks gangster chic but that would be like trying to convince the rickshaw guy to stop reading the paper and take me to the station in the pouring rain – pointless. Next time you have a bad hair day, Preity, do what the rest of us do – stay in bed.

Which is what she should have done because look what she spawned.

She convinced French actress Isabelle Adjani that this was the best way to imbibe the Indo-Western trend. I know weird, even been weird but this has to be the weirdest thing I’ve seen – an anarkali paired with a fedora. And it’s not even a joke. I mean, I don’t think so. No one’s laughing. Except maybe everyone on this side of the red carpet.

I almost forgot Preity’s slightly boring but cute-enough crumpled ensemble.

A Saree Excuse

You know how you have those dream interpreter peeps who tell you what’s going on with you based on your dreams? Like this one time, I had a dream about the apocalypse, and my shrink told me that it’s because I live in perpetual fear of my bai not showing up to work.

Some folks also do the Rorschach test, where you look at inkblots and tell the doc that you see an episode of Prison Break and the doctor tells you that you need to get with the new shows or die.

Thusly, because such things EXIST, I think Neha Dhupia’s saree is not just a saree, but some sort of psychological message that she wants us to interpret.

I think the first word is.. fry! No… fear! No…. Fire! Yes. That’s the word.

The second and the third are obviously “my” and “stylist”. DUH.

If you read between the lines, she’s trying to say “WHAT IS THIS STEREONATION MEETS COLONIAL COUSINS  EXTRAVAGANZA I DON’T EVEN…”

And my work here is done.